When Hunnigans Attack
CHAPTER 1
It was a dark and stormy day…as regular a day as
Ever: Ashley was sitting in the living room of her
house. She flipped through a Cosmo while Leon
attempted to cook a meatloaf…it had been awhile since
the whole Spain thing and Leon and Ashley had become
Married and had bought a little cottage in the
countryside and settled down. Ashley was getting
really into an article called "Your breasts and you:
how to send messages to you're guy through movements
in the breastal area." When suddenly the smoke alarm
went off and Ashley heard Leon shouting "ummm,Ashley…..
is the meatloaf supposed to be on fire…..does that mean
it's done!?" Ashley rolled her eyes, and got up off the couch, walking quickly to the kitchen, thinking to herself , why did she let him cook the birthday loaf….."Leon! You've just
ruined the birthday loaf and mom will be here in less
than an hour!" exclaimed Ashley " Whose idea was it to get a birthday
loaf anyway? Why not get a cake like everyone else?" queried Leon
"Because I wanted to do something different for my
mom's birthday." Said Ashley "Well what are we gonna do now?" grumbled Leon "I don't know I'm not the one who burnt the
birthday loaf " said Ashley "Honey let's just forget about the loaf
and we can order out at Kfc, put the food on a
plate and say we made it." Said Leon as if he had just had the best idea ever. Ashley passionatly kissed
Leon right then and there as the oven went up In flames
and the firemen pounded on the door to be let in….
(Later that evening) "Oh Ashley pashley the chicken is
delicious, and the mashed potatoes are great!" said Ashley's mom ."ummm,
gee…thanks mom" Ashley said as she snuck a wink to Leon
while Ashley's mom stuffed her face with some "home
cooked" chicken legs.
The next morning Leon woke up to see Ashley crying and being
very moody not to mention swollen ankles...…Leon…I think I'm pregnant…go to the
store and pick up a pregnancy test…" ordered Ashley "I did
notice you were getting a little fa-" started Leon, but then he was abruptly cut off. "Just GO! NOW!" Yelled Ashley "and
youd better hope its positive after that last
remark!" screamed Ashley. "Well SOMEone's touchy today" leon thought
to himself while walking through the drug store"…"I
wonder what's taking him so long" Ashley thought as she
pulled on her spandex leotard to do some pilates
on the new firm box she had gotten. "I'm home" Leon
yelled down the hall whilst looking for Ashley. "ohh yay!" said Ashley. "Make sure
you aim for the test and not you're hand" Leon said with a smirk on his face "smart
ass." Ashley thought. A few minutes later Ashley came out and hugged
Leon.
"Oh Leon! The test is-" Ashley started to say, before being cut off by Leon "Hey! Whoah! did you wash you're
hands ash!?" exclaimed Leon while backing away. "WHAT…NO why does it matter?" asked Ashley.
"Well you probably peed on you're hand a little,
and now some of the-" Ashley cut him off "THE TEST WAS POSITIVE"!" she exclaimed. "Really?
that's great" Leon said in a monotonous voice. "Are you not happy?" asked Ashley "I am" replied Leon "Its just that
for the next 9 months you're gonna be all moody and now
I can't say hey bud look at my skinny wife , she's much
hotter than you're wife." Explained Leon "LEON SCOTT KENNEDY!" Exclaimed Ashley "WHAT?" Leon asked
(9 months later) "Honey do these pants make me look fat?" Asked Ashley while turning to look at her self in the mirror. "Baby you're nine months pregnant…..You couldn't look any fatter if you tried" as soon as Leon said this he knew he shouldn't have as he then received a sharp slap across his face, "Owwww! What was that for!?" snapped Leon "For saying I'm fat!" Ashley snapped back. "Well you are." Leon mumbled under his breath. Ashley clutched her stomach and moaned "HONEY! GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL…NOW!" "WHAT! Y-Y-YOU MEAN…ITS TIME!" Leon said. "YES NOW HURRY!" Yelled Ashley.
Leon sat in the waiting room wringing his hands and trying to remember the gender of the baby. Eventually the doctor walked out into the lobby and said "Are you ?"
"Yes…how is she?!" Asked Leon with a worried look upon his face. "I'm sorry to say…she didn't survive the surgery….. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN! WHAT SURGERY! ASHLEY! NOOOOOO! " Leon exclaimed. "Ashley? Sir are you Mr. Robert Kennedy?" asked the doctor. "What…no I'm Leon Kennedy" Said Leon. "Oh, well she's fine." The doctor said, realizing his mistake. "May I go see her?" asked Leon. "yep." Said the doctor.
The next day they took baby Monvia home , "awww shes soooo cute" said leon as the baby cooed and grabbed his finger "awww look honey she's got my finger…and she's got a firm strong grip…just like her daddy" said Leon, suddenly baby Monvia had a burst of energy and flung her dad against the wall…hard…"Just like I said…good…and…strong…owwwww" said Leon weakly. "Awwww honey she likes it when you pretend that she has super human powers!" squealed Ashley. "I figured she would like that." Said Leon (ha ha ha…I bet you thought that the baby was gonna be some freak of nature or something didn't you?)..…anyways back to the story…..
CHAPTER 2
As Leon and Ashley strolled down the baby section of Walmart they passed by another couple who was holding a baby… "Hey Ash…..doesn't that baby look an awful lot like…..Hunnigan?" Leon questioned "LEON…how could you say something like that!" said Ashley. "Well look its almost a spittin' image." Leon said. Ashley looked over at the young couple with the baby who creepily enough did look like Hunnigan…..glasses and all "Whoa imagine if all babies looked liked that." Said Leon. "Yea, that would be just…ugh" said Ashley. After hours of fretful searching they found nothing of practical use for the baby that was marked at a reasonable price they went home "Always low prices my ass" grumbled Leon.
That night Leon and Ashley laid in bed and watched the news." " And that is how Stive Iwin lost the battle to a stingray that pierced him behind the ears, and now a strange epidemic it seems that all of the babies look strangely alike. They all seem to have brown hair in the formation of a bun and have glasses due to bad eye site…the mystery as to this story is beyond us but we have scientists behind the case… and now back to you Joe."
"Whoa! Ashley did you hear that?" said Leon "That's weird." replied Ashley "I wonder who's behind all of this" Leon queried "LEON!" exclaimed Ashley "What!?" said Leon with a hurt expression upon his face "Well its obvious that its Hunnigan." said Ashley flatly. "But how can we be so sure…" said Leon with a puzzled expression on his face.
"Hmmm I don't know, maybe because all of the babies look just like her." Thought Ashley to herself.
Leon got a call on his phone, He furiously poked some buttons, while it kept ringing the default tone that came with the phone. "Damn these things, they are so complicated!" grumbled Leon. "Give it to me" said Ashley as she took it from Leon" she looked at the phone and clicked the answer button, then handed it back to Leon.
"Hello?" said Leon
" ?" asked the man on the phone.
"Yep that's me!" Leon said.
"This is the president , and I have a small favor to ask…" Said the voice.
CHAPTER 3
"THIS ISNT WHAT I THOUGHT OF AS A SMALL FAVOR!" Yelled Ashley.
"WHAT?" Leon yelled back.
"I SAID THIS-AW SCREW IT NEVERMIND!" Ashley yelled in repliance.
"LETS GO!" Leon yelled while Leaping
from the helicopter, they fell and then there parachutes popped open with a loud "phoosh".
"I still don't know why you decided to come on this "little favor" with me baby" Leon said.
"I'm not letting my Leon go on a mission by himself to stop Hunigan from taking over the world" Said Ashley with a stern look on her face.
Since they were so busy talking they weren't paying attention to the ground that was two feet away.
"Oooowwww…that hurt ,I landed on my butt…hard." Leon whined.
"Oh quit whining…wimp." Ashley said.
As they regained balance from the hard landing they heard something in the nearby trees.
"What was that?" Ashley asked
"I don't know Ash" said Leon.
Suddenly they were bombarded by several Hunnigan look alikes that ran straight for them.
"LEON WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS!" Screamed Ashley.
"No time to chat Ash lets go" Leon said while grabbing her hand
and heroically pulling her into a nearby cabin.
As Leon pulled Ashley close she quickly made her breasts start moving almost uncontroablly remembering what her magazine had said about using brestal movements when the partner is stressed...Leon stared at her blankly
"Um…Ashley…what are you doing?" Asked Leon with a confused look about his face.
"I'm, uh, using a technique I read about in a magazine…..Its supposed to make you more peaceful in a stressful situation" Ashley explained
"…..Oh…..well…..um, lets check out this place….." Leon said
Not long after the awkward event that took place , Leon quickly let out a shrill "aaaiiiieeee!"
"LEON! LEON!…are you ok!?" Said Ashley with a worried tone.
"Ashley! Look! its-its-its!"
"Its WHAT!?" Said Ashley, now frustrated.
As leon put on his anime face he quickly yelled "ITS CHIMPOKOMON"
"…..What?" Said Ashley
"Chimpokomon cards! They are all over this house and- oooooh! Look it's a missmoomoo card! That's the rarest one!"
"Leon, what is wrong with you we are on a mission" Said Ashley sternly.
As they continued to bicker a shadow loomed over them from the second story.
"yes, yes, that's right Leon you get those chimpokomon cards…..My plan is working perfectly….." said Hunnigan to herself
CHAPTER 4
A few hours later as Leon and Ashley walked hand in hand through the woods they heard a loud scream of incoherent Spanish . Ashley vaugely remembered her high school Spanish because she spent the time talking but she was sure some of the words meant some pretty disturibing things
"Ashley why are these freaks running at us and screaming FERRETS FERRETS!? " Asked Leon.
"LEON THOSE ARE HUNNIGANS MEN" Ashley screamed.
"Calm down Ashley, Hunnigan could never get a man…..let alone men" Leon said, laughing.
As Leon pondered his thoughts he finally realized that they weren't Hunnigans men they were her "men"
"Oooooohhhhh! I get it…RUN!" screamed Leon as
one of Hunnigans unsightly "men" ran at Leon and latched himself onto his face
"Ashley get this thing off of me…he smells" yelled Leon.
"Ashley realizing that she was going to end up doing most of the work throughout this mission grabbed Hunnigans "man" off of Leon and kicked him.
"Leon lets go" Ashley said sternly
"ok" agreed Leon
As Leon and Ashley walked Leon looked at Ashley
"…..Hey…..ash?" Said Leon with a questionable look upon his face.
"What?" Replied Ashley
"…..Do you think it was my axe?" said Leon with a serious look.
"Your…..what?" asked Ashley.
"My axe, that attracted Hunnigans "men" do you think it was the axe effect I always thought it only attracted women ? " questioned Leon
thinking to herself Ashley figured that she would just agree with Leon so as not to drag on the conversation farther than it needed to go
" Yes Leon it was your axe."
"Really?" "I'm so not using axe anymore if attracts men like Hunnigans-"
Suddenly Leon fell to the ground screaming out in pain
"Leon what's wrong!"
Leon looked up at Ashley and as he looked up his hair went back into a bun and he attained a pair of glasses.
"LEON WHATS WRONG!"
Ashley started to freak when she noticed something in Leon's arm
"A dart…. that freak Hunnigan shot you with a dart…full of "medicine" It must make you look and act like her…ew…"
She quickly jerked it out of his arm
"Ow!" yelled Leon
Leon quickly returned to normal
A few hours later they were walking again Ashley clutching her pepper spray tight in her hand she thought that Leon had been rather quiet for a while so she turned around to see if he was even following her.
"AH!" Ashley sprayed pepper spray in Hunnigans face.
"ow! Ashley! That hurt…" Said Leon
"Leon?" asked Ashley
"Yes, Ash its me I look like Hunnigan…again, can you give me a kiss to make me feel better?"
"Um, n-no, its just too disturbing"
"Aw, come on"
"No…now lets find some first aid spray quickly"
"Ok…ya know these heels are hard to walk in"
"Ashley then saw Leon stuff his face in his "chest" and sniff it deeply"
"Aaahh that's good" sighed Leon.
"LEON! STOP!"
"I'm sorry Ash I just always wanted to do that and I figured you would slap me or something if I did that to you so this was the perfect chance"
"Leon…just, shut up"
As they walked several more "Hunnigans" attacked them and Ashley fought each and every one of them being careful not to accidentally kill Leon in the process.
They came to a cabin and figured they should call it a night.
Ashley lay down in the bed and Leon started to snuggle up next to her
"Um…Leon." Said Ashley.
"Yes Ash" Leon replied sweetly.
"Go sleep over there, please"
"On that cot? But, why cant I sleep next to you" Pouted Leon
"Have you forgotten that you look like Hunnigan?"
"Oh…yeah…"
"Well I will see you in the morning"
"Love you Ash good night."
"The next morning Ashley woke up to find Leon latched onto her arm, he had a tight grip on her with his teeth.
"Leon what are you doing?"
"I got lonely last night."
"And what does it have to do with you biting me?"
"I'm being sexy," he said through a mouth full of arm.
"What?"
"I said im being sexy," he said as he let off of her arm reluctantly.
"Ok…so your idea of sexy is biting me on the arm while looking like Hunnigan? No, Just no, I'm not into that…"
"No, I was biting you tenderly, I completely forgot what I looked like, I'm sorry Ash."
"Whatever, come on, put your pants-er I mean, skirt on and let's get going, we have to find Hunnigan before she takes over the world"
Chapter 5
As Leon and Ashley Traveled through the village looking for hunnigan Ashley suddenly fell on her knees.
"Ow"
"Ashley!" Leon ran over to her as quickly as he could which wasn't very quick seeing as how he isn't used to Hunnigans heels yet.
"Ash! Ash! Are you okay?"
Ashley who now looked like Hunnigan looked up and gave Leon a hard slap across the face.
"Dammit Leon, your fucking bite on the arm this morning infected me, thanks a lot stupid."
"I'm sorry Ash, I thought you would like it."
Leon looked down and kicked some dirt around with his red heels as a tear fell down in the dirt.
"Leon, I'm sorry, on a normal day that you didn't look like Hunnigan I would have loved it, but it's not a normal day."
She gave Leon a huge hug and a tender kiss, forgetting what she looked like and the fact that Leon was really unappealing right now.
"Let's go sweetie, we need to find Hunnigan and stop her before this spreads." Said Ashley tenderly.
"Okay" replied Leon.
"They walked in a most awkward silence for about a half a mile until Leon shouted, "A puppy just died!"
"What?" said Ashley while tilting her head a bit to the side, confused.
Leon sighed as if annoyed "You know, every time there is an awkward silence a puppy dies!"
"….."
Leon gave a frustrated sigh once more and said "It makes sense I prom-"
A rather disturbing sound emitting from a nearby bush abruptly cut him off.
"REGEICEEEEEEEEEEEEE" It shouted.
"R-r-regeice!" Shouted Leon.