I do not own the song The Crow and the Butterfly by Shinedown. I began writing this about 4 years ago. I decided to finish it now. Ben 10 will always have a special place in my heart.
I painted your room at midnight,
He lay on his bed in the desolate house. One of his arms bent so the back of his hand rested on his forehead. The other hanging off the bed dangling a half drunk bottle of beer. He had a five o'clock shadow, and a dead look in his bloodshot eyes.
It was pitch black outside, except for street lights and moonlight which shone through his windows. It must have been about twelve, but he really wasn't sure, and he really didn't care.
So I'd know yesterday was over,
He lethargically threw the bottle against the wall. With his strength though, it crashed and landed in pieces on the floor, along with other broken and non-broken bottles. The rusty yellow liquid slowly dripped down the wall. His whole room was trashed, really. More than it had ever been. He didn't care if the stench of alcohol in his carpet suffocated him. Nothing mattered much anymore.
Right now he wanted to forget what happened. All the beer in the world couldn't suppress the pain though, and deep down, he knew that.
I put all your books on the top shelf,
He made his way over to the book shelf. He never used it - was never much of a scholar - but she always had. She always had books with her. From spell books to textbooks to leisure novels, they were always with her. Since she had always been with him and his place was a regular hangout, he had gotten her a tall, thin bookcase that just fit between his dresser and wall so she wouldn't have to haul her books so much.
He didn't know what to do with them now. In one way he wanted them gone. He wanted to trash the memories of when she would be studying in his room on a warm, sun-drenched day and he would try to bring her attention from her textbook to himself by kissing her and pulling at the book. Those memories were no more though. And every time he caught a glimpse of that skinny bookshelf, his heart strings were pulled at.
So he put them on the top shelf. Out of sight out of mind. They were still there, but he wasn't constantly reminded.
Even the one with the four-leaf clover,
He spotted the very last book. It was The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. She read some of it to him on a car ride to her grandpa's fishing hole, and they always paralleled their love to the love expressed in the book. She read more to Kevin while laying in the grass at her grandpa's secluded pond. When she found a four-leaf clover hidden in the grass, she showed him, smiled, then kept it in the book. The novel was a little more special after that...the clover was a sweet memory of that day when they were together and things were simple.
But he had to let it go. So even that book he pushed away, and let it sit on the top shelf to gather dust.
Man I'm gettin' older
Is he going to grow old without her? Is this it?
I took all your pictures off the wall and wrapped them in a newspaper blanket.
The memories were everywhere. Next, the most obvious memories: pictures. They sit in frames on the walls. Of her, them...happy memories that now are done, and need to go. One by one they came off the walls. He wrapped them in newspapers so the glass wouldn't crack. As much as he wanted the memories gone, he didn't want the pictures ruined. He only wanted the smiles and happy times to be put away in a box, and that was that. Maybe in a few years that box would be gone.
I haven't slept in what seems like a century
His room is cleared now. No more of her. In the dim light, tired as he could be, he got into bed.
It was pointless.
How could he rest when he yearned for her? How could he shut down and turn off when he wasn't okay? He was the farthest from okay. The booze couldn't make a shattered man pass out. This was a different ache. A piece of him was missing. He can't close his eyes and drift off when she had been torn from his being. She wasn't his anymore. He was lost, low, and sullen. These nights would be long.
And now I can barely breathe
It felt like an elephant was on his chest. He rubbed his eyes, feeling blind by the light of this moon. A thought of death passed through his mind. Was the life really sucked out of him?
Just like the crow chasing the butterfly,
Why did he get in with her anyway? Why did he let himself fall like that? He should have stopped, but she brought him so much. Love and truth and joy and lust struck him all at once. He couldn't get out. He should have left back then and he knew that, but he didn't because he couldn't. She brought him all he ever needed and that is what kept him there. She was everything and he was stuck. She was his breath and now she's gone, so he's winded. "Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." Fuck that. That is bullshit. He would rather have had the emptiness he had before her, than the emptiness he has now.
These thoughts had worked him up, and he was now breathing heavily with a shimmer of sweat starting to appear.
Dandelions lost in the summer sky
A shot of ache crashed into his chest.
When you and I were getting high as outer space,
Those bright and euphoric memories flooded his mind again. Blinded.
I never thought you'd slip away...
Gone.
I guess I was just too little too late.
He racked his mind thinking about what he did wrong...were they just not right together? Did she want to explore with other people? Did she doubt long distance relationships?
Was there something wrong with him?
Your words still serenade me. Your lullabies won't let me sleep.
He heard her laugh. He remembered how she said his name. These minuscule things that made him the happiest...
I've never heard such a haunting melody,
He will never hear again.
Oh it's killing me,
Done.
You know I can barely breathe.
Never moving on. Never getting over her. Never finding someone else. No one besides her could spring life within him. There is a black hole where his heart used to be. His mind is a void. His emotions are drained, and the only chance of having them refilled again is if she ever comes back to him.
"Come back to me."
Just like the crow chasing the butterfly,
A flash in his mind took him back. They were having so much fun. They were running and she couldn't stop laughing. Opposites, but perfect together. He took her wrist and stopped running. The sweetest smile...he kissed her. They were drunk from bliss.
Dandelions lost in the summer sky
More happiness as she laughed and pulled him down the little hill. She plucked a flower and blew at it until all the little fluffy seeds flew up and got lost in the sun. She made him do it too. She closed her eyes and soon felt another kiss.
When you and I were getting high as outer space,
Lost in love and living on a cloud.
I never thought you'd slip away...
Flash. He opened his eyes. He was still lying in bed. No more of that happiness. He's here now.
I guess I was just too little too late.
Aching.
Just a little too late.