*Chapter 416*
Ass Back Home - Gym Class Heroes ft. Neon Hitch
Lucy x Natsu
When You're Coming Home
I haven't slept since the day that you left.
Three straight days of staying awake, curling up on my side beneath your window in my bedroom. I'm repulsed by everything and anything that tries to pretend the merest semblance to your heat. My blankets haven't been touched, my shower hasn't been running, and my food has nearly always been frozen.
I haven't even opened up the shades or the curtains to let in the sunlight. If I do, it'll flood the spaces where you would have taken up, if you were here - and end up reminding me that you aren't.
Without you, what is the point of even trying to keep warm?
Levy's been trying to get me out of my apartment, always reminding me that life is still worth living even when the fires that I need to stay burning have been doused by the cold of your departure. She comes by everyday just to scream through the door and, frankly, not even Gajeel's voice can overpower hers when she tries.
He's always there to stop her from picking the series of locks that I once installed to keep you out. Of course, you never came in through the door once you grew used to climbing through my window. Their work is just serving as a reminder of that fact.
It won't work for Levy anyways.
She might have her runes and Solid Script and maybe she'll finally demand the skeleton key from the manager, but she won't be able to get me out. The day I realized you left me behind, I nailed that stupid door with every damn Celestial Key I had, just to keep her out. I don't think any of them will forgive me - both the spirits, and the guild - but I can't bring myself to actually care about their thoughts.
The only thing - the only person - I can think about is you. Where you are, what you're doing, how you're feeling. I don't know how to feel for myself without you here to give me that wide grin - that fucking, stupid smile.
It's always you, you, you.
How could you? I lost Aquarius in the fight, Natsu, and I don't think I can bear this reality of you being gone as well. I never thought that I would need to think about you being gone.
I thought we promised that, even as guildmates, we had each other's backs. We would support each other through the hard times, championing mutual depressions together. I thought it was a given that you would always be by my side, because I knew that I could never leave yours.
But, now you've left.
You've made me find a purpose to living, Natsu, but I'm not ready to live life by myself. I need you to be here, please. You can't just leave me when everything I've done in this past year - these past seven, invisible years - has been dependent upon you. All of my decisions, all of my dreams, and all of my heart.
Natsu, I don't want to wait for you.
I waited for my father to love me, for my big adventure to arrive, and for a real life worth living to actually begin.
I don't want to wait for it to start again.
A Little OOC
Fairy Tail and its characters belong to Hiro Mashima and these words belong to me.