Okay. I am SUPER nervous about posting this story, haha. It has a very adult moment in it, and as much as I am embarrassed to post this, I do feel that for the scenario I have chosen to depict in this story, this adult moment expresses the intense feeling's the character's could and may have felt if storyline were to progress in said direction.
I wrote this after reading "The Stolen Throne", one of the prequel novels to Dragon Age: Origins. I was broken-hearted to learn why Loghain was the frantic tyrant he was in the game, and wanted to write my own short story on the emotions that could have been between my Warden and the duty-hardened Loghain.
If you are not interested in Loghain (he is very evil in the game and I understand that) or sexually mature material, please read no further. But if you are, then read on! Hahaha. :)
Loghain had ventured away from camp, deciding to go out into the woods to hunt. He needed time away from everyone's hateful glares. As hardened as he was, being hated to the core of your being was still unpleasant and hard to bear.
He paused at a sylvan tree, knowing there was no reason for him to hunt but used the excuse to get away. There weren't anything but small hare's with barely any meat on them in this part of the woods anyway. Squirrel's as well, but that was a waste of effort, he scoffed to himself. He heard a twig snap in the near-off distance. He turned and notched an arrow to his bow, aiming in the direction of the noise. A voice answered his aim.
"It's me." The voice was Emma's.
Loghain's arms dropped. He un-notched the arrow and replaced it back in its quiver. He slung the bow over his shoulder as she approached.
She walked to him, her eyes looking less angry than usual. "Are you having any luck?" she asked, her voice kind.
Loghain was confused, but held his cold demeanor. "Nothing yet." She'd stopped a few feet away from him and remained silent, her eyes to his feet. He was becoming maddeningly curious as to why she followed him out there. He was also a little impressed that she could track him.
'You've seen what she does to darkspawn. Tracking wouldn't be an obstacle for her,' he told himself. "Is there something I can do for you, Warden?" he asked coolly.
She looked up into his eyes at the question. Her eyes were so strange. Their golden amber color something he had never seen before. He remembered her as a child and thinking the very same thing then.
"I've come... to talk. If you will indulge me," she inquired politely.
He leaned himself against the sylvan and crossed his arms over his chest. He gave her a nod. She stood taller at his approval and sighed. Her hands came together in front of her as she seemed to be looking for her words. Loghain took this moment to look her over as he waited anxiously to hear what she would have to say to him.
She was dressed in the leathers that she wore under her plate-mail armor. Her canvas shirt was larger than she, and it billowed around her in the night breeze. It did the figure he couldn't help but have previously noticed no justice. Her hair was dark red. It was wavy and long, flowing over her shoulder's and ending at her breast's. He noticed those were well shaped, as well. Her skin was pale despite all her time traveling in the outdoor's. And those eyes... he couldn't stop looking into her eyes. Her prowess reminded him of a long ago love. The first woman whom his heart fell to. She was a warrior as well, a strong woman who saved his life. Just as Emma had saved his life.
"I want peace between us," she spoke suddenly. She looked to Loghain to see he was listening, and continued. "I don't want you to think I know nothing of what you, Queen Rowan and King Maric have done for this country."
He was bewildered. Her words were not what he was expecting at all. "Really?" was all he could manage. He stated the word more than asked it.
She nodded. "I admire who you are, Loghain. I, regret the enemies we have become."
Loghain looked to her intensely. What is she playing at?, he thought. Did she think his ego could be buttered up to her liking? Did she think those eyes could intimidate him?
She continued, but not without noticing the glare form in Loghain's eyes. "But I must understand why you have done what you have. And I need to hear it from you alone."
"Ahh, I understand," he nodded, staying leaned against the sylvan. "I'm to confess my treasons to you, then?"
Emma's patience began to dwindle. But she indulged his defensiveness, as she knew it must be difficult for him to think on. "I need no confession. I only long to understand why you betrayed us all."
His glare hardened on her. "I betrayed nothing!" he defended. "I acted in what was best for Ferelden!"
"You abandoned King Cailin! You left them all to rot!" she referred to all the men that died at his retreat at Ostagar as shouted back. Her restraint was gone with his response. There was a skittering of wildlife at her yell, the critter's startled from the sudden noise.
"I left them to their fate! Cailin was a spoiled brat, grasping for glory!" Loghain straightened from the tree and stood tall. "He was more than ready to let those bloody bastard's back into our lands-" his voice raised as he was interrupted.
"The war with Orlais is over, Loghain! It's finished!" She was almost screaming. She had stepped up to him and was a foot away, her eyes burning into his. "You stood by as my family, as my brother's family were murdered! And for what! My father fought with you! He was with you against Orlais, one of the first, in fact, to join with Maric under the Rebel Army! You let your daughter's husband die. And the Grey Wardens, to what made you decide their end was necessary? They were not Orlesian, none of them were!" Emma was breathing hard, her anger flaring. She wanted to grab him by the throat and choke the life out of him.
Loghain was close to feeling the same. But the ferocity of her words forced him to look at his past, to look at what was done by his word and by the word of Arl Howe. He then saw the tears that welled in her eyes. As he looked down at her seething before him, he could see they were tears of a great sadness inside of her.
He was gripped so strongly by his paranoia of occupation by the Orlesians, he'd reacted in defense of a hypothetical scenario. But she wasn't there. She hadn't lived through the death and horror the Orlesians cast about the land...
Emma could see a flash of remorse gleam in Loghain's eyes. She was clenching her fist's so tightly that her nails were digging into her palms. As she looked to him, waiting for words, she realized she could bare the hurt inside of her no longer. Her ability to envoke understanding plagued her, she cursed to herself. The look in Loghain's eyes showed her he indeed did act, not out of a selfish goal, but in protection of the land he so loved and worked so hard to free as a solider, as a commander of the Rebel Army. He made decisions he possibly didn't want to make, but out of the necessity he thought his country needed. He became the man he thought Fereldan needed.
She fell forward against him and cried out as her sobs overtook her. She wanted nothing more than to hate him, to give him all of her pain and have him keep it so she could let it go. But he was not to blame, not for doing what he thought would save everyone, misguided as it was. Loghain was horrified. He looked down at Emma pressed against him, her hands clutching his shirt as she sobbed into his chest.
In this moment did he clearly see what his actions had wrought his land. In all the time he was working to keep Ferelden free, this woman was working at the same. She fought the true evil, the Blight, and did so without reward or glory. She had fought out of her love for the land, and for it's people, just as he did. But her eyes were clear. She was not tainted with the hatred in his heart from all those years ago...
He laid his hands on her arms as his heart broke at the sound of her sobs. He was ready to feel her recoil at his touch, but she surprised him again by remaining. She pressed into him more at this touch, her sobs ever escaping her. Loghain wrapped her up in his arms and he held her there, laying a hand on her head and gently running it down her long, red hair. He could think of nothing to say as she cried.
Emma tried to control herself, but she had held in her pain for too long. It wouldn't subside, not until it was all expelled. She was reeling with thoughts of forgiveness, of betrayal, of longing. She felt Loghain embrace her, and as much as it seemed wrong she wanted nothing more than to feel his arms around her. She didn't want to stand alone in her darkness anymore. She looked up at him as her sobs calmed. Her cheeks were streaked with tears, her eyes and nose red from her grief. His eyes were piercing. The ice cold blue of his eyes froze her in place as she lightly gasped for air. The warmth of his body against hers taunted her loneliness. She'd long since felt the warmth of anyone, a single embrace or friendly touch of the hand or shoulder...
Loghain looked back at her as she gazed up at him. He was taking in how beautiful she really was. Her strange amber eyes glowed in the setting light of the sun, tinged red from her tears. She had a small, round nose that sniffled as she regained her composure. Her cheekbones were high, her jawline strong, meeting her chin at a square point. Her lips were full, and in the pout she held in her sadness made them look ever the more luscious. He brought a hand up to her cheek and wiped away the dampness left by her tears. She blinked at the roughness of his hand, but felt her heart skip at the gesture. He brushed away the tears on her other cheek. The softness of her skin made his tingle with warmth. He placed his hands at her shoulders, looking down into her eyes. He felt lost in them.
Without thinking, Emma tip toed up to his lips and placed hers atop them. She needed to feel something else, and her heart pushed her forward to kiss him. To forgive him.
His eyes widened as she kissed him. He quickly pulled her away, bewilderment covering his face. His hands clenched her tightly at her shoulders. Emma realized what she had done and looked horrified. She untangled herself from his grip and stepped back, bringing her arms in at her chest. She covered her mouth with her hand and looked away.
"I am..." she began, but found she could think of nothing to say.
Loghain was in shock. He looked at her as she stood before him. She didn't make to run, nor did she indicate speaking anything further. The feeling of her lips was still there. They were cold and soft against his. Her kiss was tender. It didn't have the aire of impulse about it. It was genuine.
"Why?" he asked, not knowing what else to say.
She looked at him. She looked directly into his ice cold stare and felt again the pull to embrace him. She glanced over his features, assessing him in her mind. His black hair stopped at his shoulder's, a strand at each side braided that fell to the end of his jaw. His cheekbones were angled sharp, like jagged cliffs aligning with his jawline. His cheeks were sullen, his chin broad. He hadn't shaved in a few days, his stubble appearing dark up to the middle of his cheeks and down to the upper half of his neck. His cotton shirt hung on his muscular shoulder's. His chest was hard, she recalled the feeling of it against her cheek. His hands were rough, but his touch gentler than she would have imagined it. He was frighteningly handsome.
"I don't know," she replied. She blinked as she looked down his body. She could see all his muscles were tense.
He looked back at her eyes looking him over. He didn't understand what just happened. Her answer didn't make him feel any better about it, either. He was realizing he didn't like her answer because it gave him no cause to take her in his arms again and return the gesture.
He gazed her over now, conflicted to the brink of insanity. Her figure was that of Andraste herself; her ample breasts showcasing themselves as Emma clutched her arms to her chest. Her nipples were piercing through the linen of her shirt, driving the heat inside of him to the brim. She was athletic but her features were soft at the edges. She held an air about her, a strength he admired in one so young.
He recalled she was just shy of his daughter's age.
Emma could see the conflict in his eyes. She saw the hunger he had for her. She walked up to him once again, this time with command in her step. She stopped inches away from him and she waited, yearned, for him to take her. He could feel her body heat emanating from her. She wanted him, he could see the lust in her eyes. He couldn't imagine why. It was hard to imagine anything but her flawless figure before him... he knew something had transpired between them. Something in her sobs and his embrace had awoken a deep emotion inside of him.
"I, could be your father." His logic always spoke first, he damned himself.
Emma didn't expect it, but she smiled at his words. She realized it made her feel better to know he was merely afraid of their age. She would have been silently devastated to be denied this man had he just not wanted her. "You are not my father," her logic combated his.
At her words, he could hold himself back no longer. He grabbed her to him and kissed her, harder than he meant to but his passion overrode everything inside of him. Emma felt the scrap of his stubble against her chin but ignored the pain as she pulled into him. He lifted her off of her feet, Emma wrapping her legs around his waist as he did so, pulling herself against him. Loghain couldn't hold back his moan at the feeling of himself pressed in between her legs. He noted that she was indeed very strong at the grasp her legs had on him. Emma let a gasp escape her at his hardness. She looked into his face, seeing he yearned for her just as she did for him.
As he held her she leaned back slightly, freeing herself of her shirt. Loghain looked before him to see her perfect breasts, as pale and soft as he imagined. She grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him hard, using her legs around his hips to pull herself into him again, moans escaping them as she did so. He fell to his knees as they weakened with her thrusts into him. He laid her back on the leaves of the forest floor, reaching up and squeezing her breasts tenderly. Emma arched her back at the sensation and she gasped loudly. Her body ached for him.
He leaned down to kiss her chest, his hands now wrestling with the belt at his waist. Emma looked down at his lips gently caressing her breasts, his tongue finding her nipple and teasing it. She ran her fingers into his hair and bit her lip as she groaned with ecstasy. Loghain freed himself from his trousers, and began work at untying Emma's. She felt his hands and rushed to aid him. As soon as they were loose she slid them off with ease.
His mind suddenly raced with fear. He suddenly questioned whether or not she had been with a man before. Was he to be her first? It froze him where he was. He looked down at her, her eyes searching his at his pause. She could see his gaze was wrought with thought, and she laid her hands on his cheeks. He felt her concern and was warmed by it, but the dread of his previous thought regained control of his mind. As he looked to her now he remembered how young she was...
"Have... have you lain with a man before?" he asked as if a child were asking about the boogeyman.
Emma was surprised by the question, but at the fear in his eyes she saw he was asking out of fear for her. She caressed his cheek softly. "I have been with one other." She knew he would know who.
Loghain knew, and nodded. He now felt rather ridiculous. Half naked over a gorgeous woman with the thought of Alistair in his mind. Emma too felt the awkwardness of it. He looked into her eyes, to see what she was thinking. He could see the woman in her eyes, but feared this was a mistake. A mistake he deeply wanted to make.
She felt a pang of hurt at the thought of Alistair, but looked to Loghain and decided to live in that moment. She kissed him, pulling him down to her as she wrapped her legs around him again. She pulled him down on top her, bringing him to her. He felt the warmth of her on him. It shook him to his core as he felt her all around him...
"Loghain!" Emma shouted and shook him in his bedroll.
Loghain's eyes sprung open. He looked to see Emma in his blurred vision and sat up quickly, looking down to see himself clothed. He looked to Emma to see her in her full armor, looking at him with bewildered eyes.
"Are you alright?" she laid a concerned hand on his shoulder, "You were thrashing about."
He almost laughed as he realized he had been dreaming. He placed a hand to the side of his head as he smiled, shaking his head. "I... I was dreaming. I'm alright," he looked to her.
She saw his smile and raised a confused eyebrow. "It didn't sound pleasant...?" she questioned.
"It was... odd, yes." He then realized she was talking to him kindly. And with concern.
Emma lifted her hand from his shoulder and gave him a nod. "Alright." She stood and turned, then paused.
Loghain noticed her pause and looked up at her.
She turned to him again, looking serious, as usual. "There are changes, with the Joining. I didn't mention them before," she stated to him plainly.
He shook his head lightly. "There is no need, I know what they are."
Emma frowned, but accepted his words. She gave him another nod, then turned and went back to her watch.
'What was that dream?' he asked himself mentally. He looked over to Emma and watched her as she walked to the edge of camp, adjusting her breastplate as she paused to look out into the distance.
He was tired, he told himself. And it had been a long, long time since he had been with a woman. But Emma? She was the menace of the past year of his life. How could he think of her in such a manner? She was his daughter's age...
But he thought back on his dream, and the approach she had made to him. She had understood his actions in his dream. It seemed so real. It must be the taint, altering the feel of his dreams, he told himself. He laid back on his bedroll and sighed, closing his eyes. A small part of him wished his dream would return...