So, as much as Spirit Bound was absolutely amazing, I really hated that ending – almost hated how heartbreaking and mean Dimitri was to Rose. So to get rid of my frustratedness (yes, I know that's not really a word) I decided to write this short oneshot.
It is set during and just after when Rose goes to the church and sits with Dimitri. Enjoy!
(This is where the line break should be).
An illusion; that's basically what it was. The depth with what the depression sank appeared much shallower than it truly was. Only I could notice something like that. Only I could notice such a minute detail, so insignificant to everyone else. That broken look on his face felt like spokes in my heart, jabbing painfully in soft spots. Had I had supernatural hearing abilities, I would have heard my heart break with what I was assuming was his breaking in unison. His eyes locked with mine and I swore I could have stayed there and stared into those deep brown depths for hours, and I would have if his expression had not changed; altered to an expression I was not familiar with. An expression that I truly hope I never have to confront again.
I didn't notice I'd reached toward him, brushing my fingertips against his olive skin, until I'd done it. He sprang to his feet quickly and I didn't need to look to know that his guardians were moving closer oh so quickly, unnoticed to others in the church.
He had a strangled look in his eyes, struggling over something too big to comprehend, struggling to choose which words will finally get the message through. His eyes regarded me as something off; something bad.
"Rose. Please stop. Please stay away."
My heart faltered a moment, as it did every time he spoke, though I had heard him knock me back too many times in recent days. His jaw was set and I could see how much he was holding in his frustration and anger at my ongoing persistence.
Getting to my feet, I realised I had to leave because sooner or later one of us would snap, and church really wasn't a place suited for that.
Leaning my face close to his, I murmured angrily, "This isn't over. I won't give up on you."
Lowering his voice to the undertone he had used before, he said softly, "I've given up on you. Love fades. Mine has."
To say that my heart skipped a beat; or that it began beating rapidly; or that it stopped beating; or that it was broken; any of those options, would be a complete and utter understatement. I could have sworn my heart had shattered in the moment immediately following those words being uttered. It felt like when a stone hits a pane of glass and it shatters to a billion tiny, little shards. I couldn't comprehend exactly what those words meant. They sounded foreign to me, coming from his lips. He'd told be numerous times that he couldn't love me anymore; that he didn't deserve to love me anymore. However, he'd never worded it like that before; I'd never considered his love fading as a possibility, and now that it dawned on me, I prayed that the possibility would become an impossibility. I prayed this was some stupid dream and that someone would soon come and wake me from my reverie. Though, when tears welled up in my eyes, the salt stinging my eyelids, I knew it wasn't a dream. It was actually happening and it hit me like a block of steel; hard and cold. I couldn't stay, for fear I would break down right there and then, and I couldn't show my weakness to him; show him just how hard those words hit home. Pushing my way out of the pew, I ran from the church, the sunlight blinding me as I hurried through the trees, running until the church was no longer in my line of sight.
I pressed my back up against a tree and slid down against it, landing with a thud on the damp grass. I leant my head against the abrasive bark and cried; cried it all out. Who cared? I was so far away from everyone that no one would be close enough to hear my cries.
Do you know that feeling you get when you sense someone is watching you? I suddenly felt that, like my senses were all on high alert, though there was no need; if it were a Strigoi, the nausea would have set in by now.
"Rose," he said, no question about it, and his voice rang in my ears, ricocheting off the empty space we occupied.
"Hey, Comrade," I said through me tears, a slight smile in my voice knowing he'd come out after me.
We stayed like that for who knows how long. I savored this moment, this closeness, not knowing how long he would stay.
"Roza?" he asked, stepping closer, leaving but a few metres between us.
Looking up at him through tear glistened lashes, I smiled weakly and said, "I still won't give up on you. No matter what you say, I won't."
"You always were stubborn," he said, his mind travelling off somewhere distant for a moment.
"Being in love and being stubborn are two completely different things," I stated, holding his eyes with mine. "Did you really mean it? I mean really mean it?" The question needed no explanation, he knew exactly what I was talking about it.
"I meant to. I can't put my needs above yours and your needs are those of safety and security, and I can't offer you that. Not anymore."
I sighed, "You haven't seen me for months; you don't know what my needs are. Obviously because you are way off. My only need is to be with you, why can't you see that?"
He took a few large strides and he was standing before me, his large hands on my shoulders, and I gasped at the intimacy he had initiated.
"I can't see that because the wrong that I have done is clouding my vision, my sense of rationality. I apologise."
"What for?" I questioned.
"For ignoring what should never be ignored," he whispered close to my ear before bringing his lips to mine. Within moments, his hands were twisted in my hair and I leant into his touch, our kiss deepening with the pent up emotions and desire built up in the ever so long time we had spent apart.
I know that once glass has been broken, yes, it can be put back together, but those cracks and scars will never truly fade. My heart is like a piece of glass, and in that one moment of pure bliss, I believed that those scars had well and truly faded.