The day had arrived. Christian had finally won the battle and convinced Syed to take a much needed holiday together. Their bags were packed and they were on their way to the airport in a taxi. Christian leant his head back and closed his eyes, hand tightly clasped over his partner's as he allowed his mind to drift over recent events. Since their emotional reunion, the younger man had continued to suffer the disapproval and derision of his family, especially his mother, who never wasted an opportunity to let her vitriolic tongue lash out at them if she saw either one in the street. Christian was immune to Zainab's homophobic taunts but it always got to Syed, who had given up everything he held dear to be with him, his family, his job and his place in the community as a respected muslim. It had been a difficult time for Syed and the strain sometimes reflected in his beautiful melancholy eyes. His one and only, his consolation was Christian, the man for whom he would surrender his very self and walk through flame. Since he had finally come to his senses and walked away from the ssa counseling, Syed had begged and pleaded Christian to allow him back into his life. Christian had been understandably wary of his young lover's sincerity until one afternoon in the Vic when Syed had finally squared up to his parents and told them that he still loved and wanted to be with Christian no matter what. Predictably, Zainab had turned into a snarling she -cat but she was silenced immediately by Masood who was sick of fighting. He had seen the misery and hollowness in his son's eyes during his enforced absence from Christian. Whether he believed their relationship to be right or wrong in the eyes of God, Syed's father could not ignore the undeniable truth that his son only truly came to life and was happy when he was with this man. And Masood wanted the life to return again to his son's empty eyes.
The four months since then had been the happiest of Christian's life. He and Syed had set up home together in the flat and were so consumed with one another that the outside world seemed to all but melt away. They found that just living as a couple was deeply satisfying despite them being very different people. It just worked, and neither knew how or why but they seemed to have an instinctive sensitivity of the other's needs and were as suited outside the bedroom as they were inside it. Syed had really begun to embrace his sexuality and found himself surrendering to his latent femininity, something which he had always struggled to keep down. He was much more emotional these days, prone to crying very easily and it was often Christian's strong arms that he would need around him to silence his tears over his family or his lingering guilt over the way he had hurt his lover in the past. Sy had softened in so many ways and found contentment now in the most ridiculous and mundane things. He loved it when they shopped together for food, folding Christian's clothes for him or cooking his favorite evening meal. These were activities that he never tired of and he was at his happiest when he was taking care of his man. Christian adored the new Sy who was even more beautiful to him now than ever and he loved the way he had been fully allowed to take the role of alpha male and protector of his partner. He had encouraged Sy to be less conservative in his dress and grow his hair long again. God, how Christian loved Sy with his hair long. It was exquisite to him and turned him on so much to see the soft, dark messy curls falling around that adorable, handsome face. It had made Christian smile to come home from work one night and find Syed wearing a sleeveless vest, his hair caught back in a pony tail as he cooked the evening meal. "God Sy" he said," you've really blossomed lately" as leaning in to his lover, he had placed a sensuous kiss on Syeds beautiful exposed neck. Needless to say, they'd eaten late that night as both men had an unquenchable need to express their love physically and were seldom out of bed long. Sy loved dressing to please Christian. He indulged all his repressed tastes and around the home wore brighter, sexier clothes. Only when he went out on the street did he revert back to his trade mark plain t shirts and checked shirts as he didn't want to give any added offence to his family or rub their noses in the fact that he had chosen this way of life over them.
They seldom argued he and Christian and if they did, it was always resolved in minutes followed by hours of laughter and making up in the bedroom. To Syed, life had never been so idyllic. At last he was free to live as his nature had screamed for all his adult life. He was a man and yes, still a Muslim who loved his God and observed all the other laws of Islam. But over shadowing that, he was gay and he wondered sometimes how he ever survived all those years, repressing everything within him that made him feel happy and fulfilled as a human being. He was so in love with Christian that it took his breath away just to look at him. Christian was like a wonderful dream of everything he could possibly want in a man only he was very real and belonged to no one else thankfully. Sy still struggled to take in how amazingly fortunate he was to have this wonderful, patient, kind and totally gorgeous man at his side, who had waited and suffered for him like no other.
His memories often drifted back to the day when unexpectedly, Christian had asked him to leave the flat for a few hours as he was planning a small surprise. Sy had trudged round Oxford street on a solitary shopping trip feeling aimless and missing his mate. He'd called home a few times to be told that he needed to stay away longer as the surprise wasn't ready. It had been a cold day and he suddenly started to miss Christian unbearably. He just wanted to be back home with him and in his arms. He pulled his leather jacket more tightly around him and just walked on blindly through the crowds of shoppers feeling cold and miserable. It suddenly occurred to him how Christian must have felt on the many occasions where HE had phoned and been rejected by Syed, told to go away and leave him alone or fobbed off with excuses as to why they couldn't see one another. He wondered how many lonely streets Christian had trudged while he and Amira had sat planning their wedding in the cosy bosom of his family. His guilt and sadness over the pain he had inflicted on that beloved man was suddenly all consuming and tears began welling in his eyes and threatened to spill over in public. He didn't care anymore about silly surprises. He didn't want one anyway, he just wanted to be with Christian. He all but sprinted from Walford tube station and along Turpin road, his heart thudding and crashing in anticipation of coming home and seeing his angel again. He remembered now bursting into the flat, his face flushed from running and his eyes still brimming with tears to find Christian stripped to the waist and covered in paint, that huge sexy full on grin plastered across his face and a rather sheepish and embarrassed looking Tamwar standing next to him, also with paintbrush in hand. "Hey cheeky, Christian laughed, knew you wouldn't be able to resist seeing your surprise for long!" "I …I just wanted to see you" Syed replied with honesty, feeling the tears threaten again. "Hey?" Christian smiled. "Are you alright darlin? I thought you'd be more than happy to hit the shops for a few hours?" "Yeah, I'm absolutely fine" Sy replied, kissing the older man shyly on the cheek. "I missed you" he whispered into his ear and he saw Christian's smile spread into that special grin that was only reserved for him ,full of desire and intent. "Hey Tambo, how come you've been roped into this er surprise….?" Sy asked, clapping his little brother across the back. "Christian needed me in more of an advisory capacity" Tam confessed. "Yeah, he's been great Christian drawled in his deep slow sensuous voice, we've had a laugh haven't we Tam! Done a bit of brotherly bonding – it's been good". "Stayin for dinner?" Sy asked his younger brother, hoping inwardly he would say "no" as he wanted them to be alone so he could show Christian how much he'd missed him, how much he loved him, how amazing he was and how damn hot he looked naked to the waist in just a pair of jeans. "It's ok Tamwar smiled, taking off the overalls that he had borrowed. I think Christian has something he'd like to show you in private" he said, blushing at the double meaning that could be derived from his statement. "Ooh er Mrs" Christian gently teased in a camp voice. "Aww thanks Tam! he exclaimed, patting the younger man on the shoulder, grateful for his sensitivity. He still couldn't believe Zainab had turned out two such fine, warm hearted and intelligent sons. "I would kinda like this to be a me and Sy moment if you don't mind. " "But hey, it's lunch on me in the Argee Bargee tomorrow as we agreed right? And I really appreciate all your help – I couldn't have done it without you…"
When Tamwar had left, Sy ran and buried his face in Christian's shoulder, stroking his hands up and down his warm strong back. "I missed you so much" he kept saying over and over, angry at himself that his tears wanted to flow. Christian cupped his face and brushed them away with a slender finger. "Why are you so sad my beautiful boy?" "Is it cos I made you stay away?" "Yes, no….. oh I'm just being ridiculous" Syed stammered. "Don't know what's wrong with me lately… I seem to cry at the drop of a hat!" "You're finally being who you are Sy, that's all and I love it that you are so sensitive and deep, it's so cute". "But I feel all over the place" Sy confessed and I'm only whole when I'm here with you". "Well, I must admit, love Tambo as I do, it's no consolation for your company and yeah, I missed you too…..tons" Christian ended with a suggestive twinkle in his eyes. "Let's go to bed" Sy whispered into his lover's ear. "What, don't you want to see your surprise first?" There was a tinge of disappointment in Christian's voice, so not wanting to offend him, Sy said "Ok!...c'mon then, what is it that's so important, I've had to stay away from you a whole day?" "I want you to close your eyes" Christian breathed into his ear and Syed felt every nerve in his body electrified "And take my hand…. And absolutely no peeking, promise?" "Promise" pouted Sy going along with Christian's little game when all he wanted to do was make love to him there and then. He felt himself being led in the direction of the small spare room which was usually full of Christian's dumbbells and rowing machine. He heard the door swing open and he was led gently through into the room. With his eyes shut, Sy could smell the unmistakable odor of fresh paint. "Can I open my eyes now?" he asked, suddenly very curious as to what Christian had been doing with the spare room. He hoped he hadn't turned it into some kind of extra bedroom for him! He couldn't bear to be that detached and separated when so much of their time was shared in Christian's big king sized bed. "Go on then gorgeous, open those baby browns" he heard the laughter in his lover's voice as, opening his eyes, Syed gazed around the room . It had been painted in a beautiful shade of soft cream with very subtle gold edging on things like window sills and cornices. At one end was a gold embroidered chair and next to it on an equally beautiful low glass table was a copy of the Q'ran, beautifully bound and in a gold case. The floor was covered in a thick, luxurious carpet that Syed found his toes sinking into and also on the floor was an exquisitely embroidered prayer mat laid out with a single red rose placed across it as a final gesture of Christian's love, as if any other were needed. "Welcome to your very own private prayer room my love" the older man smiled. "I know you don't always find it comfortable to be at the mosque anymore but I understand how important it still is for you to spend time with God" "And", he went on "I want you to know that I accept everything about you Sy and I don't want you to feel you are losing a single part of yourself by being with me". Syed was speechless. He just gazed at the beautiful room and back at Christian. He knew tears were streaming down his face but he was powerless to stop them. All at once the crashing grief of the pain he had inflicted on this beloved man enveloped him once more.
The kindness he was being shown now, the absolute love and adoration, he felt so unworthy of it - yet he wanted it like he wanted air to breathe and it was all too much. Sy fell to his knees sobbing. "Christian, this is so …. My God I don't deserve it…I don't deserve you….." He felt himself being scooped up from the floor easily in one lift and held so tightly. "I love you Sy" came the gentle warm voice he adored. "I just wanted to show you how much". "C'mon babe, this was meant to be a happy surprise!" Christian stroked Sy's dark hair, pulling strands away from his wet face and looking deep into his chestnut eyes."It is…. It's just wonderful. I can't put into words how much it means to me Christian" the younger man sobbed "I just feel so…so unworthy of you! I've been remembering all day how I kept you out in the cold so many times, how I hurt you over and over again with my lies, my foolishness, dragging you into deception after deception". He snaked his hand around Christian's chin. "And yet you were never anything but honest with me, honest and true….. How will I ever atone for everything I put you through?" Christian steered him into the living room and sat down next to him on the sofa.
"Now you listen to me Syed Masood" he said in that low breathy growl that Sy loved "I was a free agent back then. I could've walked away and saved myself a lot of grief but d'ya know why I hung in there, through it all?" Sy's gaze rested on the big green eyes of his lover and found himself drowning in them as usual "I held on because I dreamed of days like this, when we could be truly together with nothing to come between us and our deep love". He pulled Syed's hand up to his own chest and lay it across his heart. It was beating hard and rhythmically and it sent shock waves of desire through Sy's body. "You're in a transition baby", the older man went on. "You're finally letting go of the old you, the one who always had to be straight and unemotional. You're finally free to express yourself as a gay man but…. At the moment it seems to be coming out as grief and insecurity". Christian shook his head sadly. "I don't blame you for one minute for being like this after all that crap we went through and I'm here for you, to hold your hand and wipe your tears. We'll get through this Sy" he smiled and placed a tender kiss on his lover's soft lips. "You always make me feel better" his young partner sighed, nestling his head onto the broad chest. "Guess I'm turning into a right old Quentin!" he laughed through his tears. They sat and held one another in silence for a long time before Sy said "I really do love my prayer room, it's totally gorgeous –just like you… thank you so much Christian." He claimed Christian's lips with his own and through a heated, passion drenched kiss he heard his lover mumble something about showing his gratitude in the bedroom and Syed was only too happy to oblige him.