...…
The day Pepper left him he went to see the sunset. He took in the beautiful sight. It made him feel whole again even if he wasn't.
Tony discovered that he was as lonely as he'd ever be in this moment.
He knew Pepper would leave and it's not that he wanted her to, but when someone's mind is set what can you really do.
As he looked at the buildings he thought back to Pepper and their last conversation. It was a anything but pleasant, and yet there was no verbal vomit passed between the two; just a silent breakdown of a relationship.
He looked down at his legs that dangled over the edge of what was now supposed to be the Avengers tower. The billionaire closed his eyes, taking in the city air through his nose and opened his eyes slowly.
Surely he was a better man than this, yet he sat here sinking like a stone, though he was so high up in the air, in this beautiful sky away from the noisy city below.
Tony didn't even know what happened between him and Pepper. It was a separation of a weak force called love. It was gone, theres no way of getting it back, or rather there was no need to try and get back.
But did he want it back? Surely he loved her and enjoyed together, but right now at this moment he wasn't /in/ love with her.
He stood as Jarvis informed him that Steve was at the door. Tony opened it, unamused by the way the soldier insisted on wearing his stupid spangly suit everywhere.
Tony had long ago gave up on being Ironman. He didn't have the drive to do anything like he used to.
It had gotten so bad that he'd watch the others fight on the news and have Jarvis update him on everything as he lied pathetically in his bed. He'd even sit out on the balcony and watch the others. One time he even watched Steve get his ass kicked, which gave him a giant piece of satisfaction, though he didn't show it.
"Tony." The soldier said as uptight as ever, "Where were you today? The team needs you and you sit here and act selfishly."
"Steve, I can do what I want. You guys don't need me to help get your ass kicked, you seem to be doing that fine all by yourselves." Tony snorted, but it lacked attitude.
Steve could see he wasn't fully committed to that insult.
"What's wrong with you Tony?" The others features softened a bit.
"Mid-life crisis." Tony shrugged simply. "But you wouldn't know what that's like, huh? Are we done here?"
He stared at Steve long and hard. His eyes were void of emotion, Steve noticed this and he couldn't say he was happy about it. "Yeah...I think we are..." For once the soldier had nothing to say. He wasn't great at comforting people and Tony wasn't one to be comforted, so what more could he possibly do.
Tony closed the door after he held it open for a very long time.
Sometimes, well, most of the time he wasn't sure what he was doing. Why was everyone so keen on his worrying about his well being except him? Something's surely changed over the year but he wasn't sure what.
Tony looked at himself in the mirror as he walked into his bed room. His usually groomed goatee was starting to spread, leaving a cascade of random hairs across his face.
He closed his eyes when his was finally in the comfort of his once shared bed and thought about Pepper.
. . . . , , . . . . . . , . , ,
"How close am I to losing you?" Tony asked her one morning.
"What're you doing Tony?" Pepper sighed avoiding the question.
"What am I doing?" Tony frowned, "What're you doing? I sit here everyday that's what I'm doing. What're you doing?"he said, clearly irritated. Then again wasn't being irritated the same as being as being angry? Well at least it was for Tony.
"I'm doing what I always do," Pepper answered simply, "May I ask you something?"she spoke again, not waiting for answer, "How close do you think you are to losing me?"
These types of conversations became common practice in their relationship. Not having one felt more painful than having one.
"Too close..." Tony looked at her, she looked so young in her older age. She was one those people who aged gracefully just as he did.
"Too far from being close." Pepper corrected, and this confused Tony, and yet he got it completely.
"I still have some time with you?"he asked, watching her climb into bed.
"I'm glad I got to be the Pepper Potts to your Tony Stark," was all she said and their conversation ended there...
. . . . . , ,, . . . , .. . . . . , .
Tony woke up, staring at the ceiling. He felt like he was being watched, though he was sure if someone was in the house Jarvis would have informed him.
He sat, looking around before he swung his legs over the side of the bed.
Glancing around he finally stood up. When he walked into the kitchen he swore he could've seen a green light flash by quickly. He brushed it off as his imagination and went to make his usual morning coffee. Finally the billionaire walked outside to what he would call a balcony and let his feet dangle dangerously over the edge.
The green misty light came in behind him, encircling him and wrapping around the billionaires body. He panicked to be quite honest and found himself falling over the edge.
He cursed as gravity pulled him down about to make him a mess to clean up on the pavement.
The light suddenly lurched forward, catching him in a mysteriously comforting way. He was carried up to the tower, suddenly appearing in his kitchen. Tony's skin glowed green for a moment and this matter seemed to cling to his skin.
But now it was slowly dying...
But surely it died in the most graceful way possible, cascading itself into the air until there was nothing left...
It took Tony a moment before he realized he had stopped breathing. He took a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair. Surely the billionaire was going crazy...
Surely, hopefully, it was just that...
…...
It was a Monday when he found out that Clint died. After everything had happened they had became close. But of course he had pushed Clint away like he did everyone else.
Tony hated Mondays. He hated Funerals. He hated the sad looks that seemed to spread like wildfire to everyone except for him. Even Fury had a tear in his one visible eye.
When it was over, Clint's casketed body was hauled off to God knows where, of course after a few touching words from all who wanted to speak.
To be honest Tony was not even sure how The guy died, so when they asked him to speak at that awkward near end portion of the funeral, it was troubling. Clint wasn't his best friend, they didn't get along or share secrets.
Was he supposed to tell them that Hawkeye was just a guy he knew? That he only came to the funeral to not look like a complete jackass?
In reality he liked Clint, they talked and yes they shared jokes...maybe they bonded a few times...
Tony felt sick to his stomach when a sudden realization hit him. He felt like he'd been hit by a truck and he was one in that overpriced casket.
He opened his mouth and word vomit consistently flowed from within him.
Then he remembered that green light, how he nearly died and it saved him. Tony opened his mouth, not sure where he was going to go, or how he'd save himself from the figurative vomit he left all around him.
"Um...what I'm trying to say is that I...I was saved by something." The crowd quieted, "I was saved by something and I don't know what...but that something was the same thing that made me fall..." He swallowed, looking down. "I think sometimes it pushed me off that balcony to get me to be Ironman again...get me to call my suit, so I could fly again." The billionaire looked at the crowd.
"It saw I was a lost cause and I haven't seen it since, but...I should've listened. If I was there, Clint would be here, if I wasn't wallowing in my self pity he would be here." He growled, banging the podium with a clenched fist, causing some of the crowd to jump slightly. "If I fought like I was supposed to with you guys..." He trailed off.
He tried not to think about how awkward it would be if Clint didn't really die in battle.
"If I was supposed to give a heart warming speech," Tony walked off the stage, ignoring the shocked glances he got. "I'm sorry to disappoint..."
….. ... . . ...
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