Hi, first off I've never written anything like this before but I couldn't get this idea out of my head for the life of me and wrote it out hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT. It all belongs to Mormon goddess of sexual frustration and fade out sex scenes Stephenie Meyer. I do however defile and exploit her characters for my own sick enjoyment.

All grammar issues are mine and mine alone because I'm an idiot.

All spelling issues are my spell checks fault....okay those are my mistakes too.

~RJ~

You always hated the smell of hospitals.

I remember that now.

I remember a lot about you.

I remember when I asked you why, you said it smelled like death.

You didn't have to say anything else, and you didn't.

And it was silent.

The only awkward silence we've ever had. Other moments of silence that rarely past between us were always…nice. This wasn't. This was scary.

Because you knew just like I did that you were going soon and that terrified both of us.

I left after that; I spent to much time in your room anyway. It was time to check on the other patients. But I thought about you and what you said, about death.

It was bold of you.

You never really said bold things, maybe that why it was so strange. It made sense though, that you would hate anything related to death.

Its never good to be reminded that your dying.

But I wouldn't really know. I've never been close to death.

But I watched you die.

And that killed me.

Because I loved you, with everything I am I promise I did. Even tough I never told you. Even though I'll never get to tell you.

That killed me almost as much as it did to watch you wither.

Everyday I had to sit there and watch you die.

Watched that gleam in your eyes slowly die out. It was the only thing left on you that showed who you were before. That showed a smart, beautiful young woman with the rest of her life ahead of her.

I tried to look into your eyes as much as I possibly could because then I could see you as I imagine you would be before you were crippled by your illness.

To see you with that beautiful smile, and that curly mane of brown hair that I imagined you to have. In place of a bandanna covering your head to hide what had been forced upon you as a side-effect of your medication.

Damn medication that did noting but hallow out your perfect cheeks and drain your blush.

I hate that I'm writing you a ridiculous letter which tomorrow I'll slip into your coffin, during your funeral.

I don't know why.

Maybe I'm crazy.

Maybe one day you'll be sitting on a bed of soft clouds and find this tucked behind your wings. And learn about my love for you.

Angels have to have wings.

It would be a shame it my angel didn't.

Maybe I'll wake up from this nightmare and you'll be there.

Maybe I'll stop hating the world one day.

Maybe heaven is real and your up there thinking about how crazy I'm acting.

Maybe one day god will prove me wrong and I'll start believing in him again.

You're never supposed to get attached to the cancer patients. That's the first thing they tell you. But I didn't listen and now you haunt me.

Every minute of every day you haunt me. I'm not stupid I know ghosts don't exist but memories do and I have many of them.

And your memory haunts me. And I let it. Because I would die before I forget you but I hate what happens to me when I remember you.

I forget sometimes that I'm not a 27 year old boy any more. And that you died a long time ago.

I forget a lot lately.

But not you, that I'll never forget.