Finally, his arms encircled her, holding her close to his body. A familiar feeling washed over her, taking her by surprise. His features had shown delight, relief, longing. Just like they had that time before, it seemed a lifetime ago. Time seemed lost in this intimate moment, all too soon she felt him open his embrace and starting to move away. She collected herself and met his eyes, staring at her from within his handsome face. Yes, still handsome but also aged, weary, and ruffled with as much stubble as she had ever seen him wear.

'Shepard,' he breathed, with that raspy voice of his. 'I knew you were still alive, I prayed for it time and time again and as you know I'm no religious man.' He chuckled, somewhat nervously. 'I just wasn't sure if I would be able to find you, would be able to see you again.'

Seeing his face, hearing his voice, it felt so good and comfortable after all this time of desolation, of suffering. Reuniting with some of the crew on the Normandy had felt real good, but seeing him again was something else. She had been disappointed not to see him aboard the ship, had somehow expected him to never leave it. The Normandy was tasked to retrieve her body or – as Kaiden had insisted of the crew were to believed - rescue her after the events that had lead to the victory in the Reaper War. He had been needed elsewhere as the only active human Spectre left. And of course he had gone without hesitation, as he had always responded to the requests of people that needed him.

But now he was here, and she was aching to be near him. She sent him a smile.

'Almost unscathed, as you can see. Some new scars, but I cannot complain as I expect it's nothing Miranda and dr. Chakwas can't work with.' She moved in on him a little, disregarding the prying eyes of Garrus and Liara behind them. They knew full well what had been going on between them. 'How are you, Kaidan? You were badly hurt when I last saw you.'

She lifted her hand with the intention of caressing his brow, adorned with a brand new angry-red scar. But he moved backwards in an abrupt movement and blocked her with his arm, rejection clear in his eyes.

'Kaidan…' She saw him wince at the breaking of her voice.

'It's better we follow the regs, Commander.'

Commander,that hurt. His words filled her with dread and confusion, the uncomfortably familiar dismissive gesture of his hand with outright fear. He was serious. She didn't understand.

'Kaidan, I know you were hurt. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, you know that.' She put every effort in repressing her fears, keeping her voice calm and purposefully low. 'Please, let's not do this. Come back to the Normandy with me. There is so much to talk about.' She could see it wasn't working, could see his ruggedly attractive features harden.

'I can't right now. I would love to catch up though, Commander. Maybe some other time.'

'That's unfair.' She uttered the words coolly, with barely detectable emotion. 'Stop treating me like a stranger. I want to talk to you. You know me, Kaidan. You owe it to me to give me a chance to explain.'

That sparked his attention. For a moment he lost his composure. She saw his jaw tighten as he raised a hand to point his finger at her.

'Unfair?' He spit. 'Owe? I begged you, Shepard, I begged you to not leave me behind. Who I am, who I was, never have I been a man that would resort to begging. Yet that's exactly what I did. I couldn't bear losing you, not again.' His voice cracked and he lowered his head, half turning away from her. Her hands ached to go to him, touch him. To hold him like he had held her, to soothe him. To make him feel her and let him know that they could be safe again. In their own little bubble, like old times. Instead she just stood there, unable to speak, unable to move. Unable to deal with his incredible hurt that was her doing. And yet she knew, when given the chance, she would do it all over again in a heartbeat and change nothing. Because that's who she was: Commander Shepard, savior of the Galaxy, maker of impossible choices. And again the feeling dawned upon her, as it had so many times before, that savior of the galaxy was a lonely job. A feeling that only Kaidan had proved capable of occasionally expelling. Sure, she had felt guilty about that sometimes. Had felt like she had been using him, satisfying her own need to connect when she knew she would never be able to give herself fully. Knowing that, though ever cautious, when Kaidan Alenko finally went for it, he would give his mind, body and soul. He had, and she had crushed them. Now at their reunion, she finally had the chance to make amends, to heal him and to cure herself from her guilty conscience. But he wouldn't let her. It was heartbreaking and infuriating all at the same time.

'I would have gone to the far end of the world with you.' His voice was a whisper now. He still wouldn't look at her, instead he was gazing down at his hands, both tightly balled into fists. 'I would have followed you, fought with you, been there by your side until the very end.'

'Kaidan, let's not do this here. Please, come with me.' She still tried to reason with him, but to no avail. She could see it drove him into a rage.

'I would have died with you, Shepard, if that's what it took. I would rather have died with you, than have stayed behind alone.'

The thought of him dying was hard on her. The thought of him dying for HER was more than she could take, even though as soldiers they all knew the risk.

'Well, that was not going to happen though, was it,' she snapped. 'That wasn't your choice to make. There is not much point in the only two human Spectres dying together now is there. Your duty lies not with me, not even with yourself, but lies in serving the Alliance, our people, the entire galaxy.' She saw it in his face, the moment she walked into his trap. His posture straightened, it was if all his tension was draining away. He rested his caramel eyes gently upon her face and his voice sounded soft as he replied:

'I know. I know that, Shepard. But when I am with you, when I am so close to you, upholding my honor and the loyalty to my people are not the first things on my mind. You are. And when you threaten to disappear, all I can think about is that a world without you, is not a world I can live in. There are regulations and rules for a reason, Shepard. Love is the end of duty. And I love you.'

Silence descended, overpowering her. She swayed a little as she felt herself drown in these warm eyes, gazing into her.

'I…' love you too.

Kaidan nodded briefly, breaking eye contact.

'I know, Shepard.' His voice was husky, raw. He seemed to take a moment to gather himself together, before continuing: 'There's still a lot of rebuilding to do, Commander. I suggest we get to it. And then maybe, when it's all over…'

He shook his head, almost as if he was in disbelief over what he had just heard himself say. He moved to leave.

'Kaidan!' To her relief he turned. This is not how it should end. She took a step towards him. I love you too, she thought desperately. She paused a moment, feeling his anticipation. His intent gaze upon her, she took a deep breath and continued: 'I love you. You are unlike anyone I have ever met, Major Alenko. I respect you. Take care of yourself. If we meet again, maybe under different circumstances, I would very much like that.'

A smile broke through on his beautiful face, for a moment bringing back the carefree man with the easy jokes she had grown to care for so much.

'I'm looking forward to it, Commander.'

Now he really turned and started to move away, his crew of biotics in tow. Before he went out of earshot he turned one final time.

'Be safe, Shepard.'

His words warmed her heart. And then he was gone.