Everything in my life was spiraling out of control... Something that I never would have thought would happen. Someone like me could never lose control... Yet here I am without any control over my own fate. It is so cruel...
I was fine this morning. Till those words were uttered from your mouth. Those lips of yours... so plump and inviting. You make me feel weirdly... something I wish I hadn't felt. The fluttering in my chest wouldn't cease as your strong voice floated into my mind. Those words that made me lose all sense of control. Those wretched words. "I love you."
I didn't expect that from you. It was never once on my mind. That you would feel the same way I did. It was so amazing but also scary. Things could have gone so terribly wrong. And it was bound to happen.
I remember my cheeks blazing red when those words hung in the air awaiting an answer. And answer I did. I had said the same words back. You smiled so angelically that I could only do the same. It was nice knowing my feelings were returned.
I thought it would work out for us, but it didn't. I was still a suspect, and no matter how intimate I wanted to be with you. You kept refusing. "Until your name is cleared, I will expect you to act professionally." Something that I didn't want to abide, but I did anyways. Only to please you. I waited, but it only got worse. I was starving for your attention, and you gave none.
Slowly I expected my heart to crumble from the lack of attention, but it only got stronger. I could only study you from where I sat in the HQ, but it was enough. Knowing you still loved me, kept me going every day. I knew that I wouldn't get his full love anyways. I was still Kira, and it wouldn't change. It would never change. Fate is cruel isn't it?
He knew I was Kira and had denied love to me. Why had you said those words then? Did you want me to stop? Stop the killing, stop forming my utopia? I could have, but something spurred me on. I wanted to remain Kira, but I also wanted your love.
You kept saying the same thing. "I love you, but wait until your name is cleared." I would stare at his back at night before I slept wishing he would hug me to his chest. I craved his touch, attention, words of love. I craved him...
It hurt now. My chest ached when he wasn't looking at me. I was feeling doubt now. Did he really love me? Were the words he said real? Could I trust him? I should, right? Trust the one you love right?
"Tell me the truth Raito. Are you Kira?" I looked at him faking my innocence as always, but should I continue? I hesitated. Something that was uncharacteristic of me. His piercing ebony eyes drilling a hole into me. It was like a double edged sword to me. As if saying you can gain my full love and attention if you confess, or you will be denied everything if you lie once again. If you do happen to confess, you will die as promised.
"...I am... Kira." I whispered slowly. Everything was over. My control gone. I repeat. My world was spiraling out of control. It had gone so fast. One minute I sat with Ryuzaki confessing. The next I was strapped to a table awaiting death. Ryuzaki kissed me before I was strapped, and I was happy that he did. At least I had received some love from him. He came back with a needle in his hand, and a tear fell from my cheek. "I guess this is good bye." I closed my eyes, and I felt a prick in my arm. A numbing sensation spread through my body, and I took my last look at him. He was the last thing I saw, and he was crying. "Don't cry," I said fading slowly. I tried to reach for him, but it was over. My eyes slid close. Dead...