No matter what my brother did, I would always love him. No matter how angry he got he would always say sorry in the end. We were so close, so, so close I could taste it, warm and full of iron. Then again that could just be my blood seal. He could be timid in his own way when we went to restaurants, when he saw families and heard children outside playing in the side walk. His eyes will soften and, if I look closely, shimmer with tears and nostalgia; painful nostalgia.
Once we went to an especially famous café and a cluster of children were having a party. A little boy no more than eight was blowing out birthday candles with a wide grin on his face and missing teeth. His mother and father patted his head and hugged him and congratulated him. The other children smiled and cheered and sang "Happy Birthday" in chorus of giggles and chatter. Edward however looked on solemnly and asked our waiter to bring him a doggy bag. I saw right through him, but didn't say a word to him until we were in the privacy of our dorm.
"Hey, big brother?" I asked getting his attention. He turned and cocked an eye brow. "Um…you know it's okay if you miss mom and everyone else, right?" he rolled his eyes.
"Why would I miss cry baby Winry? Not to mention midget hag." He retorted flinging his red over coat off and onto a dirty cloths pile. I rolled my eyes and put a hand on his shoulder.
"If it makes you feel any better, I miss them too."
"Well I don't, plain and simple, and stop trying to console me. I'm the older one, remember that pipsqueak." He chuckled, giving me a noogie. I scoffed and rolled my eyes again but let it go either way seeing as arguing was pointless. I slipped out of his hold and unpacked his suit case folded the unworn and tossed away the dirtied blood stained and torn. I sighed. "Big brother, you really need new clothes. Look," I pointed to a single good pair of clothes and one good pair of boxers. "All the others are torn, bloodied, or just plain ruined." Ed rolled his eyes and shrugged while muttering about getting some tomorrow.
"Alright , we can go shopping next week, but don't try to fix them with alchemy, 'Kay?" I closed his case and set it in-between a dresser and a wall. He nodded and saluted sarcastically. "Yes, sir, can do."
He flopped onto his mattress and rolled over on his tummy. I sat down on my unnecessary bed and watched him watch me. "Do you want me to do what mom did when we were little?" I asked, tilting my head. His eyes widened at the sudden offer, but he didn't refuse. He rolled over on his back and lifted his shirt to reveal a slightly toned stomach. I turned the lights off and opened the curtains to brighten up the room enough to see. The hustle and bustle of the streets echoed in the room muted to a point where they didn't disturb, but comfort. The stop lights and street lights and chatter slipped through the cracks in the window like cricket chirps back home. I sat down on Ed's bed just under him. His legs were splayed over mine and his good boxers tugged up showing his calves. We sat in the dark as rubbed his belly with leather hands that took up over half of his torso. My other hand massaged his prosthetic ankle. Edwards eye lids drooped and golden orbs stared at me through a mist of sleep.
I reached over and tucked his unruly bangs behind his ears. His golden luminescent lashes caught the light coming from the window as they closed and his breathing turned into soft snores.
There is no love like the love for a brother
There is no love like a love from a brother
A brother is a friend given by nature.
-unknown
The next morning big brother had gone out early. He said something about giving the Colonel a progress report on our findings and headed out without another word. He didn't take his coat, but I could see him eye it in the short time it took him to get ready. After he went out I sat around for a while starting to get bored then decided to take Ed's laundry to the dry cleaners and get it out of the way. I sat down and went through his pockets to find anything that didn't need a wash. I went through his good pants and his good shirt and over coat. Then I came to his beloved red jacket; it was world beaten and crumpled I chuckled to myself when I imagined his face, surprised and over joyed, that his red buddy had been reborn and refurbished. I checked its pockets and found his silver watch in the left. I marveled at its complexion in my gauntlet, twisting it in my palm, and then I noticed something. It had transmutation marks on the edge where it opened and told you what time it was. What? Why where there transmutation marks on this? I held it to the side of my head and listened for a ticking sound. It was silent. Not a click or wound to be heard. I discarded the jacket and went for a piece of paper. I drew a circle and symbols for metal manipulation on it and light flashed and consumed the watch. Once the deed was done I opened the repaired watch to see what Ed could have been hiding.
I froze.
What was this…?
I have found the paradox
If you love until it hurts
There is no hurt
Only love.
-Mother Teresa
It was dark by the time Ed came home. I didn't take his laundry to the mat, I was too consumed. He opened the door and stepped in with a tired look in his eyes. I supposed I should ask some other day when he could take it, but I wouldn't be normal until I got a straight answer.
"Al? Why are you sitting here in the dark?" he chuckled turning the light on. He saw me staring at the floor, unresponsive. "Al?" he came up put a hand on my shoulder, but shook it off and walked passed him. I leaned on the window sill, back facing him.
"I was going to take your dirty cloths to laundry mat down the street. I was cleaning out your pockets when I found this." I held up his watch for him to see. "I thought it was broken because it was sealed tight and wasn't ticking." My voice cracked and climbed a pitch, and I knew that he knew I was about to breakdown and cry right then and there. He always did. "I opened it and found this carved in it: Don't forget October, 3rd, 11." He was dead silent. "Why?" still no answer. I turned my head in creaky manner and looked at him right in the golden eyes. They were teary and watery.
"It's a reminder." He said after an eternity of quiet. "Our journey is going to be long, Al. long and hard and dangerous. I'll bleed just like before except maybe worse for some cases. It's hard seeing you wide awake like an animal in a cage, waiting to be freed. It hurts like hell to see you cry with no tears." He clenched his fists into tight balls of hurt and try. "So I need a reminder of the day you got stuck in that cage. I need to know why we're doing all of this fighting and hunting and hurting. And I'm so sorry that you have to watch me bleed all over you, I'm sorry that you have to see me in so much pain that you can't look away because you think that if you do I won't be there when you look back." His eyes where overflowing with sobbing. He fell against the wall and stared up at the ceiling or more likely the sky and heavens with wide struck eyes. "And I am so, so sorry that I dragged you into this hell with me." It was silent save the traffic roaring outside. I walked over to him and gave him the watch.
"Lay down, big brother. I have something for you." I said cupping the side of his face with great care. He nodded and did so. On his back he stared up at the ceiling and waited. I took a seat under him, legs splayed over mine. Massaging his metal ankle and rubbed his tummy in slow soft motions. Then I sang a melody of our childhood.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high there's a land I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Over the rainbow
Why then oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow why oh why can't I?
That, I think, had done it, because he convulsed and wept into my chest as I cradled him in my arms. I continued to hush him and sing the lullaby and after a while he calmed down and clung to me like he had depended on me as he slept tear-stains on his cheeks and shirt. I pulled the blanket out from under us and wrapped him up. I held him like that till sunlight dripped through the curtains.