2nd Series 03/2 - Aftershocks

by Macx

A tag to Identity crisis.

Aftershocks
a tag to Identity Crisis by Laura Boeff
by Birgit Staebler

They nightmares had come back. Again. Ace sat in his bed, drenched in sweat, his muscles trembling almost uncontrollably, and his breathing was coming in harsh gasps. He felt like a drowning man, unable to breathe, unable to move, sinking deeper and deeper into the black depths. There was no bottom to the hole he fell into, no end to the darkness, and he heard a soft moan that must have come from his own lips. He rolled onto his side, curling into a tight ball, willing the tremors to stop. His nails bit painfully into his palms where no blanket could protect the sensitive flesh, but the worse pain was the searing nightmare still echoing in his mind.
"No," he whispered, pleading for it to stop. "Please, no more!"
Images of his so-called twin brother, of Dr. Martin, and the cell he had spent so much time drugged and helpless, rose to the surface. Just the thought of a hypodermic was inflicting nightmarish memories. Distant pain lanced through the darkness and he bit his lower lip. His face was still healing and the doctors at the clinic had told him he needed time to heal -- to recuperate completely. Changing him back to Ace Cooper physically was not the main problem; the emotional trauma was much worse.
Ace shivered. He had spent a week at a special clinic for bodily reconstruction, getting the damage undone his twin had inflicted. He looked like his old self again -- well, almost -- and with a few more corrections everything would be back to normal, especially the scars would be gone. One or two might remain, very faint and barely visible, but he would not come out of the last operation unscathed. His hair, colored auburn by the madman, had resumed its old color, except for the white streaks that still showed a faint, brownish coloring. This success had been due to a friendly nurse who had applied a special bleach to his hair to remove the artificial coloring. It had taken three attempts to get most of it out, but he looked more like his old self. Trying to bleach them once more might damage the hair structure, she had told him, but he was grateful for the current success already.
The press had been kept out of this completely. No one had been allowed access to the clinic and the people there were experts at keeping nosy reporters away. Derek Vega had been a great help as well, shielding him just as protectively, maybe even more, and ordering a horde of bodyguards to take care of Ace's safety. Cosmo had never left his side. The teenager was sticking to him like a gum to the shoe and he refused to leave Ace alone. He needed the reassurance that his friend was okay and Ace was grateful for it in many ways. He, in turn, needed friends around him, the reassurance that this wasn't just a dream.
Now he got up, trembling muscles letting him stagger. He felt like run over by a bunch of trucks. Heavy trucks with trailers. His whole body was hurting and a horde of dwarfs seemed to tap-dance inside his head. The sudden change from horizontal to vertical roused a nauseous feeling. His stomach wanted to turn inside out, even if there was barely anything in it to get out, and the dancing inside his head rose to a crescendo. He inhaled deeply and felt the nausea fade. After some time he was able to tell his right hand from his left foot. His headache faded too, but didn't disappear completely. His ribs were almost too visible through the skin and he needed to gain weight after his ordeal. Still, eating was a forced task due to his stomach shrinking because of the intravenous diet he had been forced to participate in. The doctors guessed he needed to gain at least ten pounds to no longer be seriously under-weighed.
Ace walked slowly toward the kitchen, mind awhirl with the echoes of the nightmare. Maybe something warm to drink would help, even if food or drink was a revolting thought. Tea, Ace decided. Just some tea. He entered the kitchen and shaky hands reached for a cup, then he searched for the herbal tea. He found a bag and poured pre-heated water over it. The warmth seeping through his hands into his system should be relaxing, but he tensed again.
Suddenly his system churned with the magical energies he knew so well, but this time they came much more violently -- just like the time he had freed himself from his bonds. The untamed magic was something he had rarely felt again after he had trained, but desperation had given way to a breach in his shields, and apparently this breach was still there. Unbidden, Wisnewski's sneering face came back, laughing, taunting, torturing him... He felt like back in the room, unable to move, drugged up to his eyebrows, in the power of this dangerous madman. Everything slammed into him, blotting out reality, taking hold of his weakened mind.
"No!"
Ace screwed his eyes shut, trying to squelch the rising power, but it was too late. The pain and fear from his nightmares coalesced into a powerful surge that erupted out of him with untamed force. The cup in his hand was shattered, the tiny shards flying all over the place, some cutting his skin, others burying themselves into the kitchen furniture. Those caught in the immediate vortex melted and the molten mass splattered onto the floor. Ace heard himself groan out in pain and desperation, trying to clamp down the Magic Force. It sizzled and hissed, magical whips trashing around him, shards of magic scorching traces over the surface. More sparks erupted from his hands and he felt energy surge through his body. He gasped in pain as every single nerve ending went up in agonizing flames.
Finally everything quieted down and Ace felt all his strength leave him. His legs gave way and he slid to the floor, shaking badly, panting. His body tingled with the remnance of the magical eruption. He felt tears slide down his cheeks, tears of pain and frustration. Blood was trickling out of the tiny cuts, but he didn't care. The tea was pooled on the floor, cooling off. Ace let his head fall against the door of the cupboard, unable to move, unable to stop the tears, unable to grasp a clear thought. His twin was spooking through his head, laughing at him, his weakness, and the words 'I win, Cooper' replayed over and over.
"Make it stop," he pleaded to the silence around him.
Wisnewski was winning even though he was behind bars, forever locked in a mental high security prison, but his deeds lived on. He had hurt Ace deeper than any weapon could have done. He had taken his life, his face, his friends.... his soul. Ace pressed his fists against his temples, moaning loudly. The first time he had tried to kill him through poison, then he had returned and had nearly purged his self.

"We could just kill him."

Cosmo's words echoed through his feverish mind and for a brief moment, he wished he would have agreed. The next moment he clenched his teeth against the emotional upheaval this thought roused in him. He had never killed a man and even Wisnewski's deed didn't justify a murder.

"This isn't about revenge. It's not what I want."

Really? He really didn't want revenge?
'Lie...... Liar' a tiny voice whispered.
Ace was only human and he wanted revenge, but he would never get it. Exhausted, in pain, and unable to silence the bothersome voice, Ace felt his tears slide once more.
Make it stop.... please.....?

*

Cosmo didn't know why he had woken, but it hadn't been a nightmare. That much he knew. He hadn't had any nightmares for two days now, just disturbing dreams, but those he could handle. He blinked into the darkness, trying to define the feeling of dread that coursed through him. It was just like a week ago, when Ace had been in Wisnewski's hands, but this time the alarms were more... personal? Cosmo had no idea how to explain the feeling, but it made him get up and leave his room. Bare-footed he padded through the silent train, not knowing where to go.... until he ended up in the kitchen.
"Ace!" he exclaimed.
God, no!
Cosmo was in the kitchen in no time. Ace sat on the floor, leaning limply against a cupboard. His eyes were closed, tears flowing freely down his cheeks, and his hands were clenched into fists. Shards lay on the floor, apparently from a mug, some of them looking like.... molten? Then there were the scorch marks.... Cosmo swallowed.
"Ace?" he asked, touching his friend's shoulder.
Ace flinched violently, uttering a cry of denial. Cosmo winced, but his hand clamped down on the older man's shoulder, shaking him.
"Ace!"
The magician whimpered, but finally opened his eyes. Raw pain and nightmarish memories were reflected in them. "Cosmo?" he asked.
"What happened, man?" Cosmo's voice was just as shaky as Ace's.
"I... lost control," Ace answered, swallowing. "The magic..."
Cosmo understood. The damage said it all. "Come on," he said softly, slipping one arm around the taller man's waist and pulling him up.
Ace staggered to his feet, swaying, and Cosmo tightened his hold. Geez, he was so thin! He managed to lead him to the living-room and Ace gratefully sank onto the couch. The teenager continued to get the first aid kit and then carefully cleaned the cuts. Ace winced once or twice, but he let him do.
"I keep seeing him," the dark-haired man whispered when Cosmo was finished. "I can't get rid of his image."
Cosmo knew who he was talking about. He had the same problem, though his nightmares ran a different path; in them, Cosmo was about to kill the double again and again. While he would feel pleased at Wisnewski's death, he was also terrified.
"He'll never hurt you again," the teenager said, trying to sound convincing.
Ace smiled dimly. "I know, but... the memories don't stop. It's what triggered the magic...." He swallowed. "I lost control."
Cosmo shook his head. "No way, man!"
"What happened in the kitchen....." Ace closed his eyes, burying his head in his hands. "You don't understand what happened."
"Tell me?" the boy ventured carefully.
The dark-haired man's shoulder shook and Cosmo was afraid he was crying again, but Ace wasn't crying. Tension unloaded in a violent trembling of his body. Finally he quieted down, lifting his head, and Cosmo looked into two haunted, gray eyes in a pale, haggard face.
"Magic isn't that easy to explain," he said softly. "It's more than light and mirrors. It's complicated and dangerous. I.... I'm not a master, as some might call it. Mastery is even harder to achieve than simple use of this power. It's everywhere and all around us, but few can really access it completely. When you do... you need safeguards, which is why magicians use gestures. We tap into the net of energy, we draw it to us, then we spin our magical tricks. We have to shield ourselves against accidents, against outbreaks of pure magical force, and we need to insulate us against emotions. When I broke free...." Ace stopped his monotone recital, shivering. "I was bound, couldn't move....." His breathing quickened. "There were no safeguards because I let my emotions control my actions. It all flowed together into this momentary lapse and my ..... the fear took over."
Cosmo touched his friend's wrist, curling slender fingers around it, and held on. Ace's muscles were tight and his fingers clenched.
"I got free.... but it destroyed the control I had. Normally one outburst shouldn't do that, but I was too weak to resume control. When I fought....him...." He couldn't bear to mention Wisnewski's name. "I unleashed everything once more and this time the barriers didn't heal. Every time I recall those events.... the emotions start clouding my judgment and the Magic Force reacts to it. It's too much!"
Cosmo felt something electrical trickle through his fingers, the contact to Ace's skin, and he suppressed a yelp.
"Oh, god, not again!" Ace exclaimed, jumping to his feet. He swayed and stumbled, unable to find his equilibrium. His eyes were wide and full of fear.
"Ace, wait, no!" Cosmo called, grabbing the flailing hand, ignoring the almost palpable gathering of magic all around them. "It's okay! You just need to get your strength back! That's all!"
"You don't understand!"
"Maybe I do. Okay, so magic is not what I know much of, but I know what it is like to lose control." Wide, gray eyes met his desperate ones. "It's a matter of the mind."
Ace blinked, looking so infinitely tired and worn.
"You need rest and you need to heal. What this nutcase did to you...." Cosmo stopped. "It's over!" he added vehemently.
Ace's eyes met his. Is it really?, he seemed to ask.
"It is," Cosmo repeated feverishly. "It is! You'll get the Magic Force back under control again; I know it."
"I hope so."

* * *

The next three days turned into a nightmare all of themselves. Ace worked hard on reassuming control of his powers. He meditated, he worked out to rebuild his muscles, and he carefully tried out his usual basic magic tricks. Some of them violently backfired, taking out furniture, books, inventory and one nearly punched a hole into the thick metal wall of the Express. Cosmo had been shocked, surprised, scared and shocked again. Though he knew Ace was powerful, he had never actually seen the full spectrum of the magic he could access. Especially an almost untamed Magic Force.
Ace refused to see anyone, though Vega managed to circumvent this order and visited -- only to receive a close shave when one of Ace's lightning bolts hit the wall next to him. Ace's embarrassed apology had made him smile. In a way the magician reminded him of the scared teenager he had met over fifteen years ago. Mona had called, but Ace had refused to talk to her. Later. When he was back to normal.
Cosmo had fielded calls, Vega had continued his bodyguard protection, and both had gone out of their way to help him. Ace felt warmed by their efforts, especially since Cosmo had suffered just as much as Ace himself, but he was still bothered and slightly scared about his lack of control concerning his magic.
A week after the incident in the kitchen -- which had been cleaned and would need a few replacement parts --, Ace had to go back to surgery and the last alteration Wisnewski had made were undone. Ace had a frail control of his magic back and it was getting better. Though he still had nightmares, they didn't result in all out destruction of property and Cosmo had cheerily remarked that his friend was gaining weight. The muscle training and the good food was helping, especially since Cosmo was watching him like a hawk when Ace ate, as did Vega. He still hadn't acknowledged any calls and requests from the press, but he had given out a typed statement. It was at least a start. He just wasn't ready for an interview.
Now he sat on the couch, almost completely relaxed, feeling the Magic Force flow around him like an old friend -- who sometimes tried a trick or two on his own when Ace's control slipped even fractionally. But he was getting better and soon he would be back; back on stage... well, that would be another question. He still needed some distance.
One of the heavy stone globes started to float, dancing around the room, soon joined by a second and then by the third. They remained in the air, moving smoothly and gracefully, and finally sank softly to the ground. Ace felt like cheering. He had done it! Finally! And without taking out any furniture....
"Congratulations."
Ace flew to his feet, eyes wide. Mona took an involuntary step back. "Mona!" he whispered.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to startle you.... I was just worried because you didn't return any calls."
She searched his face, eyes remaining on his still visible injuries longer than he would have wanted, and then she stepped forward. Ace fought his inner voice to move back, not to let her close. He didn't want her to see him like this -- but another part told him he needed her.
"Why?" she asked.
"I needed time," he heard himself say. "I couldn't see anyone."
"Except Cosmo and Vega." There was no accusation in her voice, but he thought she must feel insulted by his choices.
"Yes," he answered softly. "I'm sorry."
Mona touched his face and he forced himself not to flinch away. Her fingers gently ran over the visible scars that would hopefully heal soon.
"What did he do to you?"
She hadn't seen him in his altered state. She didn't know -- and it was better this way.
"He tried to erase everything," Ace answered shakily, hands clenching into fists. "Hair, face, DNA and finger print records..... He... he had planned in changing the voice and eyes as well."
Mona's hand remained where it was, cupping his face. Her green eyes sought his, held them, and he read only reassurance in them. He remembered the video Wisnewski had shown him; Mona dressed in black clothes, mourning for him.... It was almost too much and only his recent success with control over the Magic Force prevented another outbreak.
"He didn't succeed. He couldn't erase Ace Cooper," she now said slowly. "You are here."
"He nearly did."
Mona shook her head. "No, he didn't." Her hand trailed down his cheek and neck and he sighed softly. She smiled. "You are Ace Cooper and whatever he did, he can never erase you."
Ace shivered and Mona just stepped forward, embracing the taller man. Ace enveloped her in his arms, holding on, burying his face in her hair. "Thank you for your trust," he whispered.
"Always."
They stayed like this for a while, just holding on, and Ace felt himself relax more and more. Just like it felt good to access the Magic Force as he was used to again, it felt incredible good to hold Mona in his arms.
"How about some dinner?" Mona asked, voice muffled against his shoulder.
"I... I don't want to go out," he stuttered, separating from her. Out meant the danger of being hounded by reporters and he didn't have the strength for that yet.
"I didn't mean out," she said softly. "What's edible in the kitchen?"
"Ah... I don't know..."
Mona smiled. "Then let's find out." She walked toward the kitchen, leaving a slightly stunned and also amazed Ace behind.