A/N: A totally original idea… and It's strange, too. All about Nagini, (of course) and enjoy! (I'll try to make it a bit funny) Review or else! (HISSSSSSSSSS!) -StarFig
It was two weeks ago, that I, Nagini, had a purposeful life working with Lord Voldemort! But, now, well, I'll tell you the whole story:
I was on a mission for the Dark Lord to seek and kill this Harry Potter. Voldie finally gave me a better job than "milk donations" (it made me feel like a cow, not a snake), and after all, Wormtail was too stupid for the job. It was a great break, and I was psyched! So anyway, there I was, slithering along, looking for that Hogwarts (why Hogwarts? Pigs don't have warts! Oh speaking of warts, Voldie used to have this horrible one right on his ear… Gross, really—
Can we get back to the story?
Sorry… anyway, I was looking for Hogwarts when I decided that I was lost, and besides, I was feeling like a hamster dinner, so I took a break. I snuck into a shop that looked like a likely dining place, most pet shops are. So, I was slithering by all of the cages with… gerbils, and—(slurp) geunia pigs, and (drool) hamster… (oooh…)
Can we stop with the drooling? Really…
Fine, fine! I was looking for a good dinner, when this little punk in overalls came over, took one look at me, and screamed! The nerve, I even had three breath mints this morning! But then, another freakish human, you know, the big kind with jiggly blubber, came up to me and snatched me! It was SO embarrassing, I wanted to bite him, but he had my neck… I'm probably scarred for life… anyway, He put me in a little cage and shut the door! He had mistaked ME, the all mighty Nagini snake, as a pet!
THEN this spindly old lady (human, though she reminded me of a mole-rat, which, I must mention, made me even hungrier) came in, took one look at me, and said,
"This is JUST what Neville needs, now that that toad died…"
Just like that, she bought me. The whole way to her house (I was still in the claustrophobic cage) I was wondering, who's Neville?
NOW I know he's this round faced wimp who smells like a flobberworm, AND is petrified of me. So much for my mission. If I ever got out of this mess, I was sure I'd be back to being Voldie's cow. Moo.
Enough about the cow, get on with it!
Picky Picky. But then I find out that this "Neville" knows Harry Potter! Maybe I wouldn't have to be a cow for the rest of my life after all! So, I wait a few days until Neville goes to Hogwarts for the year and THEN I see Harry Potter for the first time. Much uglier than when I last saw him, but the other time he was in the dark. Messy hair, dweeby glasses, shrimpy in every way. But hey, I get to kill him, SO WHO CARES??? Heh, heh…
So, now I'm on the Hogwarts Express, only one boxcar away from "Hairy Potty"
Hey, I like Harry!
Shut up, narrator! Anyway, I WAS SAYING… I was plotting the shrimps death, when Neville starts to get ideas… nasty ideas! I always knew he was afraid of me, but I never expected him to throw me out the window OF A MOVING TRAIN!!! Yes, he threw me out of the Hogwarts express, Just to get rid of me! Talk about cruelty to animals… It reeeeealy hurt, I'm scarred for life, ya know. But I couldn't lie by the train track all day. So I bust out of that !@&##*? cage and…
NAGINI! THIS IS RATED 'G' YOU KNOW!!!
Oops… oh well. Anyway, I got outta that cage and waited for the next train to come along. I had to get out of here, ya know. So, I leaped (bet you didn't know snakes could leap) onto another train that passed! That's where I am now, on a train going who knows where.
"this is the
captain speaking, we should arrive in Hawaii in precisely ten minutes."
WHAT? HAWAII! I LOVE HAWAII! Forget your little assistant, Voldie, cause I'm goin' to HAWAII! Oh no…
What's wrong?
Bikinis make my butt look big…
A/N: How was it? NAGINI ROCKS! SHE IS DA BOMB! I don't think anyone else has done something like this (who would? Nagini NEVER gets any credit) So, REVIEW and tell me what you think! PLEEZ? – StarFig ::::::::::::::::::::::::'-- (Nagini)