Author's note: Does Gintama ever make sense?
Kagura rarely went shopping, but her clothes were getting too small for her. She would be twenty this year, and she was still wearing the same red dresses and tops she had owned for the past six years. She strolled through the kabuki district mall, determined to get this over with quickly. She knew exactly what she wanted: A Chinese style set of matching outfits, ideally red with gold trim. They were the closest she could find to traditional Yato outfits. Upon finding a shop for young women like herself, she marched inside to browse through the dresses.
She walked past a television shop, where the newsreader reported that the Shogun had gone missing, yet again. The feature continued to explain that he might be hiding from the Shinsengumi, who had sworn to return him home.
"Pfft." Kagura snorted. The Shogun had a habit of getting into dangerous situations, and somehow surviving, despite all the odds. She felt sorry for his younger sister, who also happened to be one of her close friends. Kagura sighed, and continued browsing.
After several hours of trying things on in different shops, Kagura had gathered no less than five new outfits and spent far more of Gintoki's money than she had originally intended. No matter, he probably owed her anyway. She kept one of the new outfits on, tossing her out clothes into a nearby bin. They really were too small for her, and they were worn with age. She sighed, missing the old clothes already, but knowing she needed to look presentable for work, although these felt more like an excuse than something she actually cared about. Yorozuya were not famous for their neatness. That would be the Shinsengumi, with their immaculate uniforms and gleaming swords.
Kagura stepped into an elevator, and as she turned to press the button for the ground floor, she glimpsed someone else entering the lift with her. Just as the door closed, she spotted him, all too late. Sougo Okita was leaning against the opposite wall, his back to a ceiling-high mirror. She could see endless reflections of him grinning at her,
"What is this?" She drawled, "Sadist-ception?"
"Do I look like Leonardo to you?" Sougo raised an eyebrow, still grinning,
"More like the dead wife." Kagura retorted, as the lift started moving.
"Now what is that supposed to mean?" the sadist made a mockingly hurt expression,
"You look like you were hit by a train," Kagura snapped,
"Not that I've been haunting your dreams?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. As he did so, the lift jolted, causing Kagura to drop her shopping bags,
"Stop that or I'll throw up all over my new clothes." Kagura complained, but the lift suddenly jerked again. Sougo looked confused,
"I'm not doing anything." At those words, the lift broke into a free-fall, and Kagura lost her footing. She found herself falling, but not as fast as the elevator, so she was quickly mushed against the ceiling. Sougo crashed into the metal wall beside her, letting out a gasp as his back collided with the solid surface.
"This is completely your fault for saying something perverse." Kagura spoke from the side of her mouth, as the rest of it was crushed due to gravity. Just then, the elevator caught on something, and stopped so suddenly, that the two were flung back to the floor. Kagura hit the bottom of the lift with such force, that she thought she might have broken something. There was something blocking out the light above her. For a moment she thought she had lost her sight, but then she realised what covered her: Sougo was shielding her body with his, as something that looked horribly like a large chunk of ceiling fell from his back. He leaned to the side, coughing, and several spatters of blood hit the floor. He rolled away from her, clutching at his sides. "See! You're guilty, you even got punished by the elevator."
"Wow you really have no sense of gratitude." Sougo smiled weakly, extracting chunks of elevator from his side, one by one. It was only then that Kagura registered what he had just done.
"Wh-what?!" She grabbed him by the shoulders, "Why did you even do that? Only an idiot would try something like that!" Kagura shook him back and forth where her fists balled into his uniform jacket. Sougo looked dizzy,
"Why didn't you move out of the way?" Sougo retorted. He smoothed his hair back, "Either way, we need to get out of this elevator."
"Obviously." Kagura looked around the tiny space. She did not like the feeling of being encased in metal. The gears and metal chord above then continued creaking and shifting. They must have caught on something that was holding them up.
Kagura picked up her umbrella, and without warning, began shooting up the wall,
"Aghk!" Sougo exclaimed, dodging a few ricocheting bullets, "Are you trying to get us killed?"
"I'm making a peep-hole." Kagura said, finally ending her assault. She walked over to the now fuming wall, where there was a hole far larger than needed to peek through. She poked her head out through it, and looked down. She blinked for a moment, before realising what, or who was holding up the elevator.
"I needed a good hiding place~" Came the drunken mewling of an all-too familiar sounding male voice,
Kagura and Sougo's jaws hit the floor simultaneously. Why was he here. Why was he underneath the elevator, just holding it up?
"WHY IS IT THE SHOGUN?!"
Author's note: Does Gintama ever make sense? Answer: Eventually.