Naruto. The typical stoner.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto or any other TV characters in this story. You'll see which other characters when you read the whole thing.
WARNING: this is a crack. Idk what I was thinking when I wrote this. My mind was off somewhere else when I was typing. I didn't delete anything I typed. So here's everything. It's extremely random and makes no sense what so ever. If you want a story you can relate to, then don't read this.
P.S.: If you laugh at this, you're probably under the influence. I know I was when I wrote this.
It starts out like any normal story, but then…. it gets weird…just read it. I already read it over the day after I wrote this.
RATING: PG 13 cause the langue and the use of drugs. There are also sexual terms in this story. If you are under age, DO NOT READ THIS FOR IT WILL FUCK UP YOUR MIND!
Enjoy :]
Let the story begin….
Ever wanted to know why Naruto is such and idiot? Well here's why…
The morning soon came. The blond haired boy slowly awakened. He had a hangover from that party last night. What party you may ask? Well, if you want to call it a party, then so be it. All it was, was Naruto and a bunch of chickens in a barn. Lets have a flash back. Shall we?
"Hey! Party on my feathered friends!" Naruto shouted while taking a puff on his bong.
"Cluck cluck." A near by chicken stared at him.
"No I'm not stoned! AH-HA. You be trippen."
"Cluck cluck cluck."
"Psssht. What you talkin bout chicken?"
"Cluck."
"Nah. I don't gots no booz. Sorry man." The chicken walks up to Naruto and pecks his toes.
"Alright! Fine! Ill go get some liquor!" Naruto Slowly gets up off the ground and looks around. Taking another puff of his bong, he walks forward.
"Whoa. I can fly man! Look at me! Wooo-Weee! Ima flyin monkey! AH-HA." Naruto continues to walk around the barn flapping his arms like and idiot.
"CLUCK." Naruto stops and stares at the chicken. He waits for his eyes to adjust.
"Awe man. Why you gotta be like that? Ill go get the beer. Hold your feathers." Naruto sets down his bong and heads for the barn door. He turns around to look at the chickens.
"Don't touch my bong while I'm gone. Ill whoop yer furry asses!"
Naruto heads out into the night in Konoha Village. He comes across a liquor store and walks in. He grabs a bottle and goes to the cashier.
"Aren't you a little young to be drinking?" Asked the cashier.
"Hey," Naruto sets his elbow on the counter and points at the clerk. "Aren't you a little old to have a mustache?"
"What?"
"Exactly, Mr. Rapist. Hows it like with those underage mustaches in yer butt crack feel? Huh? Feels great don't it you sicko. Let me tell ya…." The clerk hands Naruto the alcohol.
"Just get the hell out of my store before I call the cops on you."
"The rapist police! AH-HA. I bet they would love to rape your register."
"Just leave."
"Alright fine. But not because you asked me to. There are a couple of cocks in the barn I gotta feed this too." Naruto walked back to the barn and shut the door behind him.
"I got the liquor fellas." He sat down and picked up his bong.
"Cluck."
"I don't wanna drink the whole thing man."
"Cluck cluck cluck."
"I can too drink it all without throwin up! I just don't wants ta."
"CLUCK."
"I ain't no chicken you chicken!" Naruto picks up the bottle and chugs it within a matter of seconds.
"See. No big dea-" Naruto drops the bottle and falls forward causing him to pass out.
So you see? Not really a party now is it? Lets get back to the story.
*YAWN* Naruto stretches his arms out and scratches his crotch.
"Why am I so itchy?" Naruto takes a peak and sees that there was hay in his underwear.
"I have a raging head ache." Naruto slowly gets up and looks around.
"What you all starin at?" He picks up his bong and heads for the barn door. He steps out into the burning sun. He squints as he stares at the sun.
"Damn that's bright." Naruto heads down the street with bong in hand. He heads home dragging his feet as he walks.
As Naruto walks into his empty apartment, the phone rings. Naruto throws his bong on the couch and heads for the phone.
"Hello?" Naruto answers while whipping his eyeball still trying to wake up.
"Naruto? You don't sound so good." Sasuke was on the other line.
"Awe. Jus some crazy ass party last night."
"Let me guess. You got stoned and the chickens peer pressured you to chug a whole bottle of liquor."
"Huh?"
"Naruto, you do it every week."
"Nah. I jus get stoned and pass out in a barn."
"That's because you don't remember what happened. But whatever. Me and Sakura are coming over. See you soon." Naruto hangs up the phone and walks into the living room. He plops down on the couch and falls asleep.
"Naruto? Naruto! Wake up you bum!" Naruto feels someone shaking him.
"Get away from me you butt pirate! Stay away from me booty!" Naruto grabs the bong sitting next to him and slams it into Sasuke's head.
"Ow! What the hell man!" Naruto sits up and rubs his eyes. He stares at the ground at Sakura's feet.
"Man Sasuke. You got gross feet. When was the last time you washed those things? They NASTY." Sakura looses it and punches Naruto in the head. Sasuke starts laughing.
"What? What'd I do?" Naruto stands up and stares at Sakura's chest.
"Yer forehead is bigger than your boobs." Sakura punches Naruto in the head again.
"Ow!" Naruto rubs his head and stares at Sakura. "Bitch!"
"Lets just go get some Ramen." Sasuke heads for the door. Naruto and Sakura following him.
"You know, you really need to stop smoking so much. It makes you into an idiot." Said Sakura.
"Now Sakura, you know Naruto's an idiot whether he does drugs or not." Sasuke smirks.
"Damn straight!" Naruto slaps Sasuke's ass. Sasuke glares at him.
"What the fuck!"
"Uh, sorry! I ain't no butt pirate!" Naruto puts his hands in the air. Sakura laughs.
"Besides," Naruto smirks and looks at Sakura. "I like strawberry shortcake." Naruto winks at Sakura and she beats him with a pencil.
"I bet it doesn't smell so nice down there." Sasuke whispers to Naruto. Naruto laughs.
"Are we gonna leave or what? You've had your hand on the door knob for like 10 minutes now!" Sakura stares at Sasuke. "Ill be cool with staying here and locking Naruto out that way we can have some time together." Sakura wipes a piece of hair from Sasuke's face. Sasuke pushes her hand away.
"Please. I'd rather fuck a chicken then you're smelly shortcake!" Naruto leans over to Sasuke and clearly says, "You know, I can arranged that. I got connections"
Sasuke laughs and high fives Naruto. Sakura stands there and eats an orange. "You know, I wanna go watch Sponge bob." Naruto walks to the living room and turns on the TV and sits down on the couch.
"Man! That sponge has more holes than Sakura!" Naruto shouts from the living room. Sasuke walks over laughing and sits next to Naruto. Sakura crosses her arms and pouts as she makes her way to the living room. Naruto leans over and whispers in Sasuke's ear, "Why is she still here?"
"Geez. You sure are dawgin a lot on the girl you like." Sasuke says while starin at the TV screen.
"Awe, I don't care. Ill just go for Ino." Naruto puts his arm behind his head. Hearing this, Sakura gets infuriated. She hates it when Ino one-ups her. So she un-buttons her shirt a little and makes her way to the couch.
"Move your ass Sakura! Your blocking the TV!" Naruto shouts. Sakura sits on Naruto's lap.
"Wouldn't you rather have me block yer cock?" Sakura tried to be sexy. Yeah. Didn't work very well.
"What the fuck are you saying? Are you high?"
"No but I wanna be high in your fly." Sakura bites her lip and Sasuke bursts out laughing. Soon Naruto starts laughing. Naruto pushes Sakura off and She sits on the ground next to Naruto's feet and pouts. She continues to eat her apple. Naruto and Sasuke are laughing so hard that they begin to butt hump. They hump so much that they explode. Then Sakura's forehead begins to randomly grow and then it explodes. They all die. Then sponge bob pops out of the TV. He grabs Sakura's boob.
"HA!" then he walks to the kitchen and grabs a beer. He cracks it open and sits on Patrick. Patrick then goes all ape and grabs the pear Sakura was eating and beats sponge bob with it. Sponge bob grabs a flower and throws it at Patrick. Patrick instantly dies at impact.
Sponge bob sits down and turns on Dora. Then the girl from the ring crawls out of the screen and uses sponge bob to scrub her vagina and sponge bob dies. Then Dora pops out of the TV and shoves the girl from the ring into her talking backpack. Then Dora randomly dies.
Choji then randomly appears and eats them all. He also eats the plum Sakura was eating. It was all smashed up though cause Patrick beat Sponge bob with it.
Then Choji laid down and he began to roll. He rolled out of an abnormally low window. He rolled down the street and stops at a hobo's feet. The hobo named Fred then beat Choji senseless with his pet rock named bobo. Then Choji dies. Then some girl on the side of the street pees in a pickle jar and gives it to the hobo. She tells him its apple juice. The hobo drinks it and dies. Then the whole world blows up because a giant space seagull crashed into the earth.
THE END
NOTE: if you lasted threw this story, bravo! Cause this story made no sense! When I read it, I realized I kept changing the fruit Sakura was eating. Idk y. But I kept it that way. Like I said, I didn't delete anything. So go ahead and criticize. If you like this story then theirs something wrong with you x] hahaha. To be honest, I might write more stories like this cause it was fun xP hahaha. I jus have to get stoned again first. Then I'll start my writing. Lol.
CLAIMER: I own Fred the hobo. For I made him up. I also own all the chickens in the barn and the random girl that peed in a pickle jar. That's kind of an inside joke between me and a few friends. I own the space seagull too. I also own the line 'WOOO-WEEE IMA FLYIN MONKEY' because my cousin made that up. I also own this fucked up plot. So if someone has a story similar to mine, they copied it. Just saying :) Thank you for putting up with my story.
PLEASE REVIEW. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF IT. HAHAHA.