A/N: Figure I should get this out of my head really quick so I can get back to T&SA.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." A shiver runs through my whole body and my legs involuntarily jerk. I rub my hands up and down my arms, trying to warm myself up.
I wonder why the fuck I'm not wearing a shirt but forget about it when I hear my phone buzzing on the table.
I stare at it for a few minutes, watching it travel across the table with the vibrations. It truly memorizes me. Like this is the shit that people need to see, this simple fucking thing.
Just a phone moving itself across a table. Fuck yeah.
I reach for it right before it's about to fall off the edge and stare at the screen. It says it's my mom but I don't believe it.
Like my phone is fucking lying to me or something. I know it's lying because my mom hasn't called me in months. Why the fuck would she call now, ya know.
I drop the phone onto the couch beside me and wipe the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand.
Fuck. Now I'm fucking sweating.
This makes me remember why I have my shirt off. I stare at my knees through the holes in my jeans.
Fuck I've gotten thin. There's no meat on my bones anymore, no more fucking muscle.
The drugs fucking ate all the muscle in my body. Like some fucking shark ripping through the ocean, just devouring everything it can. That's what drugs do to you, they fucking devour.
Fuck that.
I laugh at myself, at my attitude. Like I'm ever gonna fucking quit.
I always get like this. As soon as I go a few hours without anything I start getting the mentality like I'm gonna quit or something, and then I just go and get wasted again. I just forget all about my plan to get off this shit and life is good again.
Life is only good when I'm wasted.
If I can't get high, life is worthless.
I've been this way as long as I can remember. Well actually that's not true.
I remember being a little kid, playing on the swings and shit. Fucking innocent.
That's another thing drugs do, they steal your fucking innocence. Once it's gone, you can never get it back. Never.
So what's the point really, what's the point in trying to make amends with everyone. I'll never be able to go back to the way things were before, there's no fucking rewind button.
I reach over to the stereo and crank up the Bone Thugs cd I've had playing on repeat all day long. I nod my head to the beat and try to lose myself to the bass. It doesn't work because all my brain can think about is when the fuck Jasper is gonna get here so we can start the fucking party already.
Of fucking course he's late, he's always fucking late. Cause as long as he gets his own shit he doesn't care about the rest of us.
In our little group he's the supplier. You always gotta have a supplier in your posse, cause they cut you deals and shit if you're friends with them.
Plus Jasper's just fucking rad. Just one of the best people I've ever met in my life. He's about the only guy I trust.
Just then I heard someone coming up the stairs really fast and my eyes get wide with paranoia.
I hold my breath while I wait for them to get to the top of the stairs. I hear them running down the hallway and the door flies open and hits the wall.
All I really see is her brown hair before she lands right on top of me. And then she's straddling my knees and kissing all over my face before I can even get my muscles to start working again.
"I missed you so much."
Her voice is like fire against my skin and I immediately attack her lips with mine. I try to talk while kissing her, try to tell her how much I missed her and how much I love her and need her. It's mostly just mumbling and lips smacking against each other.
She's all tongue and skin and hair all around me and I can barely control myself.
I pull away from her and look into her eyes for the first time since she came barreling into the room. She looks fucking perfect, like a fucking angel.
"Baby, I missed you so fucking much." I hope she can hear just how much in my voice.
Instantly my day is turned around and all I can think about is staying here with her all day long.
She can just do that, ya know. Like she can just make me focus in on her, forget about everything else, including the drugs.
She was gone for an entire month, went to spend some time with her family. It was the longest we had ever been apart since we met.
Ever since that first fucking night we met I couldn't get enough of her. We spent every single day together since then, never leaving each other's side.
"I brought you a surprise."
She pulled her bag over her head and started rummaging through everything inside it. She finally pulled out a velvet bag that was tied shut.
I held my hand out and she dumped the contents onto my palm. There sat two big seashells that looked like the ones you buy in the stores for decorations.
"I got them right off the beach." I picked one of them up and turned it over and over in my hand. It was perfect, like nothing I'd ever seen before.
"This is the best surprise ever baby."
"You like them?"
"Oh baby, I love them."
I set them next to my phone and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her to my chest.
"Fuck, I missed you."
"I missed you so much Edward."
"Let's call Jasper." She nodded her head and picked up my phone, scrolling through the contacts until she found his name.
She dialed his number and put the phone to her ear, waiting for him to pick up.
After what seemed like forever he finally picked up. She squealed into the phone, telling him to get here now cause she was finally home.
She flipped the phone shut and set it back down on the couch.
"We've got twenty minutes." Her smile gave her away.
I lifted the both of us off the couch and carried her into the bedroom.
A/N: I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but it's something extremely personal to me. We'll see how it goes.