Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man, it is owned by Katsure Hoshino alone. This is simply a story to get my muse to stop bothering me, and I am making no money off of this story.
AN: This is set on the train right after Lavi and Allen find Krory. It's set in the manga-verse where they set off straight from getting Krory to continuing the hunt for Cross. This is a one-shot story only, because those are my forte when it comes to story writing. Finally, please let me know what you think. It really makes my day to get reviews!
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"If it's that painful, just become an Exorcist. Exorcists destroy akuma you know. And you've destroyed an akuma called "Eliade". And if you continue to destroy akuma, then that'll be the reason why you destroyed Eliade. If you have a reason, you can live...you can continue living for your reason. Because you too are, just another apostle of the Innocence."
He didn't know why he couldn't get those words out of his head. Ever since the previous night, Lavi had been unable to get the words Allen had said to Krory out of his mind. For some reason he just couldn't pass it off as mere words of consolation, it sounded almost as if Allen himself had experienced something similar, enough so that his voice sounded pained as he said the words.
They were now on the train, on their way to meet up with Linali and panda-jiji to continue the hunt for Cross, and Krory had wandered out nearly two hours ago to explore the train. There probably wouldn't be a better opportunity to ask him, especially once they met up with Linali, who seemed to want to hover around Allen constantly, and panda-jiji, who would probably kick him in the head for actually caring about the answer wanting to know for the sake of recording history.
"Allen," Lavi called, catching the attention of the silver-eyed boy who had been looking out the window.
"Yes Lavi? What is it?" Allen asked, smiling slightly at the red head across from him. He had moved after Krory left so that they could both look out the window and each have more space to stretch out.
"Remember what you said to Kro-chan back there, after Eliade died when he wanted to kill himself?" Lavi watched as Allen's eyes darkened a shade before he nodded and Lavi continued, "I could be wrong, but it seemed to me like you were talking from experience. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I was just wondering."
There was a moment of silence during which Lavi seriously wondered if he should've even brought up the topic in the first place before Allen spoke again.
"I was speaking about my own personal experience. When I was born, my parents threw me out because of my deformed arm, and I lived on the streets until I was old enough to be hired by the circus. That's where I met Mana. He was the first person I'd met who didn't care about my arm. He took me in and raised me, and those were the best three years of my life." There was a slight wistful smile on the fifteen-year old's face before it disappeared and he continued, "But he died, he was hit by a carriage and died right before my eyes. I didn't know what to do. I spent days up by his grave, and that's when the Millennium Earl came to visit. As you already know, I turned him into an akuma, and he cursed me, made it where I could see the souls of the akuma. Before he could kill me, though, my arm activated for the first time and knocked him off of me. It attacked him, then killed him, and I couldn't stop it. Right before I killed him, he told me he loved me and to please destroy him. I guess what I said to Krory reflects on that. When Cross took me in, the only way I could justify the fact that I was still alive was by saving the akuma, releasing the tortured souls that had been trapped by the Millennium Earl. So I keep walking like Mana once told me, and saving the akuma had become my reason for living."
There was silence again as Allen finished his story. It made sense now, exactly why Allen had become so passionate when Krory had said he had wanted to die, and why his words had rung with pain. It was because Allen himself knew the pain of being forced to kill the akuma that embodied the one you loved the most. It also explained exactly why the boy seemed so hell bent on destroying the akuma.
"And now?" Lavi asked, breaking the silence. "Is that still the only reason you live?"
Allen smiled slightly, looking straight at the red head. "Yes and no. Before, the akuma were the only thing I treasured. I fought and lived for them, but recently that's not the only reason I fight. I've come to care for those at the Order too, so now I fight for humans and akuma."
There was another pause before Allen asked, "What do you fight for Lavi?"
Lavi frowned and thought for a moment. He knew what should be the answer, even if he couldn't tell Allen that. He shouldn't be actually fighting for any other reason than to collect data, to record history. As future Bookman, he shouldn't be emotionally involved, he shouldn't actually care about the people he would eventually have to leave, who would eventually become simply ink on a page if they existed in history at all. However, he knew to some extent that was changing, even if he couldn't pinpoint exactly how.
"I guess...," Lavi said after a moment, "I guess I fight to protect those who are close to me." He knew the answer was vague, it was meant to be, because even he wasn't sure if he meant to protect those who were simply in close proximity to him or if he meant those who were becoming dear to him, despite the fact that they shouldn't be.
The look Allen gave him clearly said he understood both what was said and what went unsaid. He then responded, "I'm sure you'll find a definite answer soon enough." He pulled out his pocket watch and looked at the time before continuing, "Anyway, we should probably go look for Krory soon. He's been gone for nearly three hours, and that doesn't bode well to me."
Lavi nodded and stood up to follow Allen. As the white-haired boy turned to smile at him, he wondered if he hadn't already found what might eventually become his reason for fighting.
AN: So, what do you think? Good? Bad? Love reviews, especially constructive criticisms!