Nolan lifted Amanda's veil over her eyes, the black lace tickling her forehead. "I want to see your eyes," he said, his fingers weaving through her hair, his thumbs caressing her cheekbones.
"I thought you were here for sex." Amanda leaned forward, pressing a hard kiss against his lips, her hands tugging at his shirt buttons.
"I appreciate your enthusiasm." He took a long, heavy breath as he entwined his fingers with hers. "But slow down, tiger."
"Why?"
"Because..." he said, his sentence hanging unfinished in the air as he kissed her slowly, gently tugging her lower lip between his lips. "Because we've got all night."
Nolan looked into her eyes, and Amanda worried he could see everything she had yet to reveal about herself, about her addictions. Then he smiled, and her stomach flipped, but she instinctively looked away, embarrassed to be so vulnerable, so open in front of him. The last time they had slept together, they had ripped their clothes off, not stopping to speak, not stopping to think about what they were doing. She wanted him, so she took him. Simple. Uncomplicated.
"Look at me," Nolan said, his voice barely above a whisper.
Amanda tore her gaze away from their hands, her eyelashes fluttering as their eyes met. He looked at her like she was the most beautiful person in the world, but her heart ached. Her mind demanded she not believe it, the insecure voice in her head telling her that he was reacting to her prostitute's wardrobe, not to her.
"You're so beautiful and so sexy, but I didn't come here just for quick sex." He stroked her back, his fingers dancing along her spine. "I came here to see you. Seven months is a long time."
"Too long." Amanda relaxed into his touch, remembering he was still her friend. Sex didn't change that.
"I thought about you a lot while I was gone, but I didn't realize how much I missed you until I saw you in the mayor's office yesterday."
"I missed you too," she said, causing a sweet smile to form on Nolan's face. "The friends I've made working here aren't really the same. They'll never argue with me about the War of 1812 before buying me a glass of scotch in a truce."
"Friends?" Nolan arched his eyebrows. "Is that what you're calling clients these days?"
"I'm a madam, not a night porter." Amanda straightened her shoulders, carefully keeping her body language flirtatious, mimicking the women she worked with every day. "I have no personal clients, no paying friends."
Nolan leaned closer to her, his skin nearly touching hers. "Just me."
"But you're not paying, so whatever you are, you're not a client."
"Good." He tilted his head to the side. "Don't get me wrong, prostitutes are great, and I respect the business of it all, but I like knowing I'm sitting on this bed right now because you want me here, not because I paid you."
Amanda rolled her eyes, forcing the compliment to bounce off of her. "You're just happy to be getting the benefits without the cost."
"I'd gladly pay whatever price you asked." His hands moved towards her hips. "You're worth it."
"It's all in the clothes." Amanda tried to mask her insecurity behind a flirtatious smile. "I convinced the whole town I know what I'm doing simply by showing a little more cleavage."
"Speaking as someone who has seen beneath the facade, it's really not about the clothes."
"Oh, come on, we both know I can't perform half the tricks the night porters can. Clients come in here with some strange requests and these women perform without hesitation."
"I'm aware." Nolan softly chuckled. "But did you miss the part of this conversation where I said I wasn't here for the tricks?" His words slowed with every syllable, his mind clearly only half in the conversation as his hand glided up her thigh. "I'm here for you."
"You've had sex with more people than I have." She closed her eyes, trying to force her mind to shut up. "I know that."
"Does that bother you?" His voice was soft and low, his breath warm on her neck. "You know I don't care how many people you've had sex with."
Amanda bit her lip as he kissed her collarbone. "And I don't care how many people you've been with." She wished she could force herself to shut up and enjoy the moment.
"So why are we discussing this?"
"Because this isn't me." Her eyes burst open. "I've spent months living like an actress playing a role in a movie, and sooner or later, we're both going to have to face the fact that my life is a lie because it's going to disappoint us both in the end." She sighed. And just like that, she killed the mood.
Nolan's hands dropped from her body, his eyes searching her face in confusion. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine."
"You don't sound fine." He looked at her with so much concern that tears started to burn at her eyes.
"It's nothing," she said. "I just… before we take this any further, I want you to know the persona I adopt out there on the NeedWant floor isn't me."
"I know that."
"Do you?"
"Of course." His brow furrowed. "Amanda, I knew you before you ever dressed liked this." He licked his lips, then took a deep breath. "I moved to this town for you when you were wearing riding pants and brown skirts, and I took that badge from you yesterday ago while you were dressed like a prostitute. I don't care what you wear. I care about you."
"I want to believe that." Amanda repositioned herself beside Nolan, stalling for time, deciding how truthful to be with him. "But all I know is that as soon as I started dressing like this, you started looking at me like candy you couldn't wait to unwrap."
Nolan nodded, Amanda's attempt at honesty hanging painfully in the air between them as he stroked the stubble on his chin. "You remember last year when my roller broke down, forcing us to walk back to Defiance through the woods?"
"Yeah…"
"You had just gotten your favorite leather jacket repaired with a brand new blue sleeve, and the wind kept whipping your hair in every direction. I've never seen your braid so unkempt." A nostalgic smile crossed his face. "Then you tripped and fell on your ass, but instead of getting embarrassed, you burst out laughing harder than I had ever seen you laugh."
Amanda nodded, waiting for him to get to the point of the story.
"Well, that is still the most beautiful I've ever seen you." He wrapped his arm around her back, pulling her against him. "I wanted to kiss you right there."
Amanda smiled, remembering that day, trying to picture the expression on his face as he helped her up off the ground. "Why didn't you?"
"It didn't seem like the right time, and besides, I didn't think I was your type."
"Why?" Amanda could physically feel her anxieties dissipating, her body relaxing against his. "Don't pretend you don't know you're an attractive man."
"Maybe I had that going for me, but I was an ark hunter who never went to high school. You were a mayor of Defiance, trying to change the world. What interest could you possibly have in me?"
"You really don't know?"
"Never made much sense to me."
"You were strong, and determined, and you challenged me constantly, but you always treated me with respect." She took his hand in hers. "When I was first thrust into the job, it seemed everyone was using me for their own agendas, but I knew you weren't. I knew I could trust you at a time when not many people respected me."
"They were idiots."
"Obviously." Amanda laughed. "I will never cut it as a prostitute, but I was a damn good mayor."
"You truly were."
"Thank you." She squeezed his hand. "But just so you know, I didn't graduate high school either. My school was blown up, and you speak three languages. Don't sell yourself short."
"And you shouldn't sell yourself short either." He placed his hand under her jaw, his fingers resting on the back of her neck. "You're right. This job isn't for you. It's temporary, but I can't wait to see where you end up because I know it will be amazing."
With a smile, she pressed her lips against his. She had been so afraid of talking about herself, so afraid that her deceptions would ruin everything between them, but now she knew it hadn't; it couldn't. He already knew the truth of who she was.