Everything was going to plan, the Order had been caught hopelessly off guard on this latest attack. His forces had moved effortlessly through the muggle town, butchering all before them. He laughed as he felt the Order's wards spring into life, just as a group of wizards apparated into the town square ahead of him. The Elder Wand spun in his hand, raising a shield of shimmering light between him and his attackers, before twirling to rain bolts of deadly green light down on the small band of defenders before him.

Spellfire splashed across the square, swiftly turning it into a warzone as his forces advanced and he howled with glee as the last of the Order wizards fell to his emerald curse. Then a scream – how strange, one of excitement – split the air, coming from behind him.

"LOOK! A VAMPIRE!"

Voldemort whirled on the spot, wand raised and words of pain and death on his lips at the excited scream. Only for the words to fall unspoken, as a horde of teenage girls came barreling down the alleyway towards him. And he suddenly realised, with all the spells that had been flying and his shields, he was shining in the sunlight.

Oh...crap he thought detachedly. Then he was running like hell for the edge of the anti-apparition wards. He yelled the retreat order to his companions, sending them whirling away into skies and he risked a glance behind him at the horde of black haired girls sprinting after him, layers of makeup making them appear pale and ghostlike. And they were getting closer! He hurled himself over a fence, rolling up through the wards and vanished in a twisting crack of light.

"He vanished!" One of the girls yelled. "How could he do that? Vampires can't do that!"

"Then...then he must be a WIZARD VAMPIRE!" Another one of the crowd squealed. "Dibs!"

"I thought that was impo-" one of slightly more sensible of the horde began.

"Oh shut up." The girl beside her said, typing frantically into her mobile. "I need to get this on Facebook."

Twenty seconds later, Lord Voldemort's reign was finished:

OMG! Saw a vamp 2day and chased him with my friends. Almost caught him, but he vanished. We got a WIZARD VAMP! Everybody keep an eye out. First to catch him has dibs. Then we got a Q for turns.

-Pics! Or it didn't hapn.

-Uploding vid nao! Link:OMG VAMP WIZARD!

And somewhere, far away, Lord Voldemort shuddered in terror.

"Severus!"

"Yes my Lord?"

"I need to look human again."

"Why my Lord, your new form has terrified our-"

"Just tell me you can do it!"

"I...yes my Lord. When do you wa-"

"YESTERDAY!"

AN: Horrible, horrible crackfic that wouldn't leave me alone. I'm sorry for inflicting this on reality, but better it's me than someone else I guess. Sorry.

Leave a review if you want, or flame it to death. I'm not sure which it deserves...

Wind to thy wings.