TENCHI NEEDS A VACATION
By Red Star
This is based on Al Yankovic's "Jerry Springer" which is based on…well, I don't remember the song title, but the original tune isn't his either, therefore, it isn't mine.
SCENE: Tenchi's family was gathered around the TV in time for Red Star's speech. In a few minutes, the famous Revolutionary's deep, manly voice that was also irresistibly sexy (This is my story and if I say my voice is sexy then it's sexy!).
He strode out onto the podium wearing a dark military tunic. His tight, high color had two gold hammer and sickles pinned to them. On his sleeves were gold stars between the ends of two crossed oak leaves. On his gold shoulder boards was the insignia of a Marshal of the Soviet Union.
He laid down his speech and gestured for the crowd's roar to die down. A giant screen above him then showed a red star bordered by metal with sunlight coming from one corner. A hammer and sickle then slammed one by one onto the star with heavy clangs.
"Comrades, children of the revolution…" he began,
"It's been one week since we got to see
Ryoko trying to make Tenchi marry
Five days since they had the show
With Sasami, the Guardians, and some snow
Three days since we heard the tale of this poor guy tormented without fail
Yesterday it occurred to me
That Poor Tenchi needs a vacation
Holy Cow, d'you see it last week?
Well Ryoko really freaked
And sucker punched Mihoshi
Do you recall when the brawl
Became a total free-for-all
And Tenchi's in the middle tryin' to be the referee
Hey, see the Galaxy cop with the green hair
She has a vacant stare
But Mihoshi doesn't seem to care
Now here comes the next "guest"
And it's a slugfest
Cause it's Tenchi's hyperactive daughter
It's like "Cosby" on crack
But with more maniacs
They all exhibet violent, mad behavior
Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that's how it goes
They get so violent it's worse than Iwo Jima
They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt and pointin' blame
In the air, they don't care, they've got no shame
There was one point I thought strange
When Ryo-Ohki got stuck in mid-change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of slapping each other's face
It's been one week since they had the fight
Over whether to watch MTV or Nick at Night
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven't plugged that hole in the wall
It's been three days since the bitter feud
Between Ryoko and Ayeka over snack foods
Yesterday, kinda dawned on me
I think Poor Tenchi needs a vacation
Ryoko: I think I'll sleep with Tenchi…
Ayeka: Don't you dare…
Sasami: Can I…?
Ryoko/Ayeka: NO!!!!
Washu: He's already sleeping with me, girls.
Tenchi: HHHHHEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!!!!
Mihoshi: Cool! Look at those long metal arms encircle
Tenchi's helpless body like a carnivorous
Kiyone: Shut up, Mihoshi.
Mihoshi: Waaaaahhh, I'm soorrrryy!
Once they star fightin', there's just no stoppin'
The house comes down and the ships are droppin'
Tenchi's the Mecca of Space Women
It's Mass Obsession
It puts the "fat" in "infatuation"
It's so cool, better than "Star Trek"
It's like a train wreck
So amazing you can't look away
Like me he's a plain joe
But chased by weirdoes
The carnage rising faster every day
If you've seen the show, well then you know
It's the cream of sci-fi Jap shows
The girls are loud and they don't wear earth jeans
And pretty soon some big goon comes to Earth and attacks with BOOM
In the face of these fight-queens
Well it's the kind of show where the women are obsessive
Watchin' crap, building for Tenchi some love trap
"Tenchi! Tenchi!" The girls start to chant
Should I look away? I just can't
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of laughing at his plight
It's been one week since the show about
Second Queen Misaki and problems she should work out
Five days since the big surprise
When Emperor Azuse got himself another wife
Three days since we got to view
Their trip to Auntie's with Ryoko all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That Poor Tenchi needs a vacation
He's tired of the noise and needs a vacatiuon
I bet I could make some bread booking this vacationer
Come over here and pull on my finger."
The Masaki family sat and stared at the TV.
"Now, how did he know all that?" asked Tenchi, casting a glare at his father, who was wearing a red armband with a metal red star with a hammer and sickle attached to it.