Is It Really Worth It?

Is it worth it?
by Birgit Staebler
a missing scene to Double Bind

The Magic Express, the gigantic two-storey train of the most popular magician this side of the Pacific, rested quietly in the dark. Ace Cooper's train was a trademark and instantly recognized and it was more than just a cargo vessel. It was his home. The night had wrapped the blue and white giant into darkness and the lights inside were all turned off, except for one. The library/living room was bathed in twilight. The normal lights had been shut off and only the small lamps illuminating the statues decorating the large room shed any light at all.
Ace Cooper couldn't care less about light right now. He sat on the stuffed armchair in a rather uncharacteristic position, feet resting on the table, and his eyes held a vacant look. He was staring off into space, his mind whirling around the events of the last few days, and whenever they hit the painful recollection of Cosmo's near-death experience, a facial muscle would twitch. The expression in his eyes was stormy and restless, but he didn't move. Ace's left shoulder was bandaged and kept immobile by a sling, a remnant of the battle that lay behind him. The doctors had stitched the considerable wound and sternly told him not to move it too much. The bandage kept him from wearing his usual short jacket and the white shirt looked bulky where the bandage covered the ugly wound. It hurt like hell now and then, especially when he didn't take the painkillers, and he was sure he'd have a scar left there. Plasma shots did that to human flesh. He might be able to repair some of the damage with additional surgery, but right now he really didn't care at all. It wasn't something of importance. He had enough scars already, most of them old and only faint stripes, but this one would stand out like a sore thumb.
Ace shifted ever-so slightly and winced. A dull throb started in his shoulder and he briefly bit his lower lip, then forced himself to relax. While his body followed the order, his mind was less inclined to do so. He couldn't stop thinking or the images from rising, and they through him into a neverending circle of pain, anger and despair. Mostly anger though.
His oldest friend had betrayed him and it had nearly killed Cosmo.
That was what it came down to: betrayed trust.
Derek Vega had entered his life at a time where Ace had been subconsciously calling for help, and he had grasped the opportunity to get out of his criminal life like a
dying man. Vega had proven himself to be more than a simple friend; he had been a trusted advisor, someone who had always been there for him, who had steered him into the right direction, and who he could always turn to. Now this friend had risked his partner's life and Cosmo had paid for it with almost all he could give. That his young charge had survived was without meaning right now. The anger wouldn't let this thought linger for long. Cosmo was up and about again, having regained his strength, and he had finally accepted the magic, but Ace couldn't forget Vega's deed.
More anger flooded him and his head began to throb dully, in rhythm with his shoulder, and he closed his eyes. One hand unconsciously reached for his injury and rubbed it carefully.
Cosmo had not thought about what Vega had done; he didn't blame him. Maybe that was one reason why Ace insisted on blaming him even more in turn.
They hadn't talked for days, Ace and Vega. The cop tried to, but Ace refused to acknowledge the calls. He refused to listen and though it got to him as well, ate away at his mind, he stubbornly kept it up. How could Vega think he'd forgive him that easily? Could he even ever forgive him? Ace winced again, but not from the injured shoulder this time. Would he really risk his friendship with the older man because of this?
Vega hadn't known about this.... he hadn't known about Cosmo's powers and their devastating results. He had been worried about Ace.
Ace screwed his eyes shut and clenched his teeth.
But he had risked Cosmo's life!
Fury settled in and he got up from the couch, ignoring the stings of pain. Pacing the length of the room he finally came to rest in front of the ornamental globe. It was a masterpiece, made of heavy granite stone, intricately carved into a resemblance of the world globe, and three smaller globes in different colors hung around it, held in place my a null grav unit. Ace ran his fingers lightly over the surface, then let it spin gently.
God, he felt such hatred..... and it was not like him. He rarely let anger take him over and when he did, reason was never too far behind. Now he thrived on these feelings and it scared it..... Whenever he flashed back to the moment where Cosmo had spasmned on the hospital bed, fighting for life or just giving in to death with a little resistance, he couldn't hold back his anger any more. Two days of hoping and praying, two days of seeing Cosmo so motionless and fragile in the private room, two days of wondering why..... And then Vega had told him it had been his fault. At that moment, Ace had felt murder rise inside of him and only his civil side had kept him from launching a magic spear at the cop, tearing him apart.
Magic tingled through him and he sighed. Emotions always triggered small pockets of energy build-up and Ace remembered Anna's words. Release them before they release themselves and consume you. Now he channeled the small amount of power through his fingers and the globe spun further, the orbiting balls dancing briefly.
Ace tightened his hands into fists and turned away, walking over to the port hole that gave him a good view over the silent railway parking lot. He had bought this spot from the railway company years ago. It was an out of commission track and the new trains didn't use it anymore. Instead of tearing it down, the city had offered it for sale, and Ace had decided to buy it. The parking rails were in good condition and the train really didn't need them. The null grav units kept it afloat over all kinds of terrain. The river was not far from the parking spot and greenery dotted the otherwise concrete covered area. Other people had houses, he had a train. It suited his needs and he couldn't imagine being bound by an immobile object like a house. It wasn't in his nature.
"You still up?" a sleepy voice asked, startling him.
Ace turned and discovered Cosmo, dressed in a dark blue shirt and matching boxers, red hair tousled and eyes half open. He was standing in the doorway to the living room, looking like he had just fallen out of the bed.
"What are you doing up?" Ace asked, worried.
Cosmo had slept a lot in the hospital, which had been the best cure. The doctors had no physical wounds to treat and no explanation for why he had been comatose for two days. Ace knew but he didn't tell them; who would believe it anyway? Back home, Cosmo had caught up on some more sleeping as well and for the last two days he had been relatively back to normal. He ate okay, he slept without problems and no more magical backlashes had occurred. He had even insisted on doing his usual job as assistant and after some debating, Ace had let him.
"You woke me," Cosmo answered simply and padded into the room, yawning.
Ace blinked at first, not understanding, then he felt embarrassment rise. The magic. Cosmo was still way too perceptive to the magical energy flows around him and it would take a bit longer for his magic sense to tune back to normal. The overload he had gotten was still hypersensitizing everything. Add to that that Ace believed Cosmo was proximity sensitive and the teen received every little bit of Magic Force whenever Ace tapped into it.
"Sorry," Ace mumbled. "It wasn't my intention to disturb you."
Cosmo gave him a critical look, then shrugged. "Hey, no problem, man. It's okay. Was just wondering what you are doing....."
Ace seemed to withdraw into the shadows around him, his face partially hidden. "I have some things to consider."
Cosmo gave him another critical look and leaned against the couch. "At 4 am in the morning?"
Ace shrugged but didn't answer.
"It's Vega, right?"
The magician refused to answer, but Cosmo knew when he had hit a nerve.
"You're still mad at him?" he asked. "Ace, man, he didn't know! I didn't tell him and he just pushed the right buttons, okay? I was worried and that's why I broke the promise. If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me."
Ace shook his head. "No, Cosmo, it's not that easy. Yes, you broke your promise, but as you said, Vega pushed the right buttons. He manipulated you into helping him; he knowingly endangered your life by taking you along!"
"Huh, right, as if you have never done that before," Cosmo growled.
Ace flinched violently and his shoulder rewarded him with stings of pain. Yes, he had endangered Cosmo numerous times as well, whenever they were out fighting crime or helping people in need. But at those times Ace had been there to protect him!
"Vega didn't know and assumed it was just something or other," the teenager went on. "I didn't tell him and you weren't there. He was worried sick about you! And so was I!"
"This wasn't like any other time, Cosmo," Ace now snapped.
"And Vega knew, eh? No, he didn't!"
The magician briefly closed his eyes and rubbed the aching shoulder. He felt mentally exhausted and the magic started to churn again, rising with his anger. Cosmo tensed a bit and he knew his young friend felt it as well. He slammed a lid on it and inhaled deeply.
"I don't want to argue about it," Ace finally said.
"Neither do I, but it doesn't do you any good not to talk to Vega. Dude, he's worried as well. He nearly didn't survive this either and he came out of it with more bruises and cracked bones than you or me." Cosmo shook his head and studied the floor. "As far as I'm concerned, this was just another mishap."
"But it wasn't!" Ace said sharply. "The magic nearly killed you!"
"It didn't. End of story." Cosmo yawned. "And I'm going back to sleep now. You should too." With that he left the living room, the door sliding shut after him.
Ace felt something inside of him protest violently at the thought of just letting it go. But was he ready to pay the price for this hatred? Was he ready to throw away fifteen years of friendship and trust, of helping one another, because of this?
He didn't know.
One side wanted it, the other cringed at the thought. Ace had few real friends and those he had, he cherished. Vega was one of them. He knew the magician inside out, knew about his past, about his abilities, about his life. Except for Mona and Cosmo, and Kate to a degree, no one else had this extensive knowledge. Everyone else he knew in Electro City and he called 'friend' had never come closer than those three.
Would he destroy it because of the anger?
He sunk into the chair again, wishing the headache would go away, wishing he could turn back time and do it all differently.
Still, there was no answer to the burning question inside.
Is revenge and hatred worth losing one of your best and oldest friends for?