Title: I knock it over
Author: porpoise-song
Character: Jim Moriarty
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.
Summary: all moriarty wants to do is introduce a little anarchy (for an Anonymous on sherlockbbc_fic)
Warning: Nothing explicit or anything. Only one bad word.
THE FOLLOWING AUDIO EVIDENCE IS UNDER THE OWNERSHIP OF THE LONDON METROPOLITAN POLICE AND IS STRICTLY FOR THEIR LISTENING ONLY. ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE OR COPYING IS SUBJECT TO FINE AND/OR IMPRISONMENT.
TRANSCRIPT 1
Interview participants: Officer Renee Montoya, Officer Harold Beckett, and Metropolitan Police Referral Number Eleven-Twenty-One-Seventy-Six (Known aliases: Jim Holden, Jim Moriarty, and James Scott).
[The sound of a door opening and closing; low murmurs]
Officer Montoya: We should leave, Beckett.
Officer Beckett: Stop tellin' me what to do.
OM: We're not supposed to be in here! We were ordered to stay outside that door and guard the prisoner until Detective Inspector Lestrade arrives with some higher-ups and that bloke from the government.
Moriarty: Aw...Sherlock's not coming? I wanted to have another chat with him. Oh! By the way, how is his widdiful Johnny boy?
OM: With the way, you left Mr. Holmes and Dr. Watson at the pool, I don't think either of them will be having another chat for a couple days.
M: And what about me? It's not as if I escaped unscathed. I'm so pulveratricious! And this is a Westwood...brand new and tailored especially for that occasion.
[Pause]
OM: Okay, Beckett, we should leave now...right now...
OB: You can leave, but I'm not until I give this freak—a piece of my mind...he killed my partner, y'know.
M: Well, I just happened to get to him first before you ate him...big boy.
[Sound of a struggle and some small chuckles]
OM: Don't hurt him Beckett! Don't hurt him or else we'll be in bigger trouble.
OB: Yeah...
[Pause]
OB: Wouldn't want him injured for his trial—even though everyone knows that he's guilty and goin' to jail.
M: Oh? What are the charges?—Well, some of them, anyway...I know it's a long list and I wouldn't want you to miss your feeding.
OM: Ha, you name it...and it's probably not even half the illegal activities you've actually done. But, rest assure...we're checking into it.
M: I'd like to see you try. I don't like getting my hands dirty.
OB: Oh, yes...we've heard about your goons—your "puppets" and what not.
M: So, I'm a puppet master now? First, I was a freak now I'm a puppet master...make up your damn nihilarian mind.
OM: Then what do you call yourself, Mr. Moriarty?
M: Playing psychiatrist now, aren't we?
[Mutters knowingly]
M: I find cops sexier and easier to manipulate.
OB: I assume, by that, you have some cops on the take.
M: Yay! He finally got one! And you always got to have people on the inside.
OM: For what?
M: Oh, for my little games...and a bit of chaos and panic in the government doesn't hurt, now that I've admitted it.
OM: So, you're an anarchist then?
M: Oh no. Well—yes—I am the only person with any bit of anarchy left, but no—I wouldn't call myself that.
[Pause]
M: There's three types of people in this world...the optimistic that sees the glass as half-full, the pessimistic that sees it as half-empty, and the paranoid—and, well, they're just thinking "Who's been drinking out of my glass?"
[Pause]
OM: Hm... Which one are you?
[Pause]
M: I'm the one that knocks the glass over.
[A light clunk is heard and the sound of a liquid spilling onto the floor. Manic, boyish laughter is heard as well]
OB: Shit.
[Sound of a door opening]
M: Ah...and my ride's here.
[The metal scrapping of the chair being pulled out is heard]
M: So long wallydrags!
[Two muffled shots ring out then there's two loud thuds. A low, cheerful hum is heard echoing down the hall.]
END OF RECORDING
ADDITIONAL NOTES:
TWO POLICE OFFICERS DEAD (RENEE MONTOYA AND HAROLD BECKETT) BY CEREBRAL LACERATION FROM A SINGLE PENETRATING GUNSHOT WOUND TO THE FOREHEAD
METROPOLITAN POLICE REFERRAL NUMBER ELEVEN-TWENTY-ONE-SEVENTY-SIX (KNOWN ALIASES: JIM HOLDEN, JIM MORIARTY, AND JAMES SCOTT) ESCAPED
THE SONG MORIARTY WAS HUMMING IS NOW KNOWN TO BE THE JOKER'S THEME SONG FROM BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES