She stood impervious to the chill around her. Nothing, not even the dark sky that swirled above her, could compete with the coldness in her heart. Today her love was being put to rest, and as she watched the casket being lowered Elizabeth Mitchell finally had to admit to herself that Cam was gone. Throughout his battle with cancer, Elizabeth had convinced herself that Cameron would get better. That she would have her husband whole again, and that their son would have the benefit of growing up with a father. Even while she held his hand during his last breath, she had denied it all. Now, she could deny no more.

Standing by the car, Frank Mitchell waited patiently for Elizabeth. He, along with many others, had tried to talk her out of staying by the grave during the actual burial but she would not be swayed. Now, as he saw her shoulders shake with the tears that she had kept in during the ceremony his heart ached. He ached for himself and Cam's mother, for his now fatherless grandchild James, and for his brave daughter-in-law. Brave. What a good word to describe her. Cameron himself had called her fearless in their last talk with one another. A day before his death, Cameron had asked to speak to his dad alone. Frank still remembered everything Cam had told him. The main thing Cameron had wanted to say was about Elizabeth.

"She'll act like she doesn't need to be taken care of," Cam had said. "But that's just a lie. Elizabeth is fearless, no doubt, but this…this is just too hard for anyone to go it alone."

"Elizabeth won't be alone, son." Frank had hurried to assure him. "She'll have us."

Reaching out for his father's hand, Cam shook his head slightly. "Elizabeth needs more that that. She needs a mate, someone who can fill in my spot." Gripping Frank's hand to stop the words of denial that were forming on his father's lips, Cam used some of his last strength to pull Frank closer to him so he could look his father directly in the eyes. "She needs John, Dad. Give her John."

Frank still saw Cameron in his hospital bed, saying with absolute assurity that his wife needed another man. That Elizabeth needed John Sheppard. It had taken all of his will power not to push away from Cam and declare his words crazy talk. Instead he had listened to his son talk. Had listened to Cam tell him about everything he had thought long and hard about while in his sick bed. Then, Frank had done what most would find unthinkable. He had promised his dying son that he would help find John and push him toward Elizabeth.

Water hit his face, bringing him out of his thoughts. The heavens had finally decided to unleash the rain that had been threatening all morning. It was fitting. Even the heavens were crying for his son. Opening the umbrella he had been carrying, he made his way toward Elizabeth.

"Time to go, Elizabeth." Frank said, moving the umbrella to cover her as well. "James will want you." Blinking a few times, as if to bring him into focus, Elizabeth looked at her father-in-law and immediately stood a little taller.

"Yes, we should go." Elizabeth said and then turned on her heel and hurried toward the car, not seeming to care that she was getting soaked or that she was leaving Frank behind.

"Grandma, is my mom dying too?" Frank and Wendy Mitchell both shared startled glances at what their grandchild had just asked them while at the breakfast table.

"No, James, your mother is just fine." Wendy said.

"But she is laying in bed all the time like…like Dad was." James said softly looking down at his waffles.

Moving closer, Wendy stroked the little boy's hair. "Oh honey, your mom isn't sick like your dad was. She is just really sad right now."

"I'm going to tell her about the waffles." James jumped down from his chair and raced out of the kitchen. Elizabeth and James had been staying at the farm for several weeks. For the first few days Elizabeth had gone out of her way to be exactly her old self. She had driven James to school, had helped Wendy make dinners, and had even done some work through email. It hadn't taken long, though, for everything to stop. Oh, she would still get up and take James to school, but she would stay in her bathrobe and go right back to bed the second she got back. More time than not, it was either Frank or Wendy who would go to pick up their grandson.

"Maybe it's time I finally talk to her…" Wendy broke off as James rounded the corner followed by Elizabeth.

"I told mom that we were having Grandma's waffles and I reminded her of the rule of no eating food in our rooms. So she came!" James said running to pull out the chair next to his own.

Forcing a smile, Elizabeth hugged James and then took his offered chair. She looked haggard. Her hair, that she now ran her fingers through nervously, was in tangles. Her night gown was rumpled from being worn far too many times, and her eyes had dark circles under them as if she hadn't slept in years.

"Yes, well we better hurry so we can get you to school on time." Elizabeth said.

"It's Saturday mom." James said pushing the plate with the waffles toward her.

"Oh…oh yes, of course." Elizabeth glanced quickly at her in-laws before forcing another smile at James.

"Let me heat those up for you, Elizabeth." Wendy jumped to her feet and began bustling around the kitchen. "I was thinking that we could go to the park today. It is so nice out."

"Yeah!" James moved his chair closer to Elizabeth. "That would be fun, wouldn't it mom?"

Looking into her son's face, she could see how desperate he was for her to say yes. In that moment she knew that she could no longer stay in bed and cry. She had a son, and he needed her. Sitting a little taller in her chair, she ruffled James's hair.

"Sounds fun. I'll just go get ready."

The days pass, and Frank can see that Elizabeth is putting all of her effort into pretending that she is getting better. She no longer spends all her time in bed, and goes out of her way to do fun things with James, but her old love of life is gone. He has caught glimpses of her "dead" face before she suddenly replaces it with a huge, very unreal smile. He tries to persuade himself that there is no reason to do what Cam asked of him. That Elizabeth was getting better all on her own. But he knows. He knows that his son was right. He knows that Elizabeth is just hiding here on the family farm. Finally, he decides that it was time to send the letter that Cam had dictated before he died. That night, almost a month since Elizabeth and James had come to stay with them, Frank spoke with Wendy about the letter and what Cam wanted him to do.

"It is nonsense!" Wendy cried, pulling the bed sheets closer to her face. "No one could ever take Cameron's place. It's nonsense!" Sighing, Frank tried to reach out to his wife but she rolled to her side giving him her back.

"I promised Cam that I would send it." Frank said. Wendy did not respond. After a bit, he finally shut off the bedside lamp and sank into bed. The next day he sent the letter.

"Hey Sheppard, you've got mail!"

John looked up from talking to his co-pilot as they exited the terminal. He had just come in from Japan, and he was ready to go home and relax. Wondering who would send him a letter though the airline he made his way over to the flight desk. Seeing the return address, his heart skipped a beat. After a moment, he was able to put the letter inside his breast pocket. He wanted to rip it open and see why on earth Cameron Mitchell's father would be writing him, but he had a feeling that he would want some privacy. Telling his co-pilot that he would talk to him later, John made his way to the pilot's lounge so he could get his stuff and get the hell home.

Coming into his house, John dumped his stuff onto the floor and moved right to his chair, pulling out the letter. Staring at the return address for a bit, he nervously licked his lips and then opened the letter. It was dated almost two months ago, and it wasn't from Cameron's dad. It was from the man himself.

Dear John,

Hey man! I hope this can find you. We haven't had your current address for some time now, and I can only hope that you are still with 'Atlantis Airlines'. Well this will sound really hokey, but by the time you read this I'll be dead./i

John stopped breathing for a minute. Slumping further into the chair, he re-read the line a few times not really believing it. In fact, he was pissed that Cameron was making some crazy joke. Finally he began reading further.

Yep, pancreatic cancer got me. We fought a good fight, but in the end…well the cancer won. But that isn't what I am writing to you about. What I do want to say is that I've known all along how you feel about Elizabeth, and she really needs you now…

John ran his hands through his hair and then threw the letter down. Getting up, he began pacing back and forth. What the hell kind of letter was this? Deciding that he needed a beer to help him deal with this situation (he would worry about the implications of ithat/i another day) he made his way to the kitchen. His thoughts were going a mile a minute. His first instinct was to call Elizabeth right away, but after a bit he realized that he needed to finish the letter. Eyeing the paper that was on his floor, he took a few more sips of his beer and then made his way back to the living room. Picking up the letter he stared at the last line he had read. That Cam had always known how he felt about Elizabeth. It made John think about all those years ago when they were all in school. It was something that he had tried his best not to think of, but he had never really been able to stop…

…St. Xavier's College, back in the "good old days"…

"Are you even listening to me John?" Elizabeth glared and then smacked John on the arm.

"Yes! Yes, I'm listening." John rubbed his arm and forced his eyes away from the sexy blond that he had been watching move through the cafeteria line. "You were talking about how the janitors are getting a bum rush."

"Don't call them janitors. And yes, I find it very unfair that they are not getting the pay raise they deserve. I mean, this place would fall apart without them." Elizabeth said.

"What am I suppose to call them if not janitors?" John asked.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure what to call them. I just know that janitor sounds offensive somehow. I'll research later what would be the best thing to call them." Elizabeth said while rummaging in her bag, thus missing John rolling his eyes at her. "So I think we need to get a group together and go and protest at the administration building."

"Do I really need to tag along on another one of your crusades? You've got an activist group all your own that just lives for the chance to make signs and yell chants at 'the man'." John was again looking at the sexy blond as he said this, so he didn't see Elizabeth's face.

"Of course you don't have to come John. I wouldn't want to interrupt your busy schedule of running after bimbos with my "crusades", as you put it." Elizabeth said, ramming books back into her bag.

"Oh come on!" John scowled at Elizabeth. "Just last week I walked the picket line with you about how we need to use less paper…or whatever the hell it was about. I think I've put in my time."

"It was about the rainforests, and how this college is helping along their demise by the wanton use of paper." Elizabeth finished zipping up her backpack. "But I don't expect you to remember something like that, as it has nothing to do with football statistics."

"Very funny." John too was on his feet stuffing his homework back into his bag. "It is just hard, Elizabeth, to remember everything you want to protest. I mean one day it is paper, and now it is janitors."

"Don't call them janitors!"

"That is what they are called!"

Glaring at each other, they suddenly turned and walked as fast as they could in opposite directions, mumbling under their breaths. Not a single person in the cafeteria gave them any notice. A fight between John Sheppard and Elizabeth Weir was an almost every day occurrence at St. Xavier, and most at the small school shrugged it off. The two had met in their freshmen English class, had debated opposite issues quite heatedly, and had become best friends. They had been fighting and making up ever since.

Making the most of her fury, Elizabeth bulldozes her way down the student center's stairs without really seeing what or who was around her. Hitting into another person, she went flying.

"Oh man! I'm so sorry!"

"No, it's my fault. I should have looked where I was going." Elizabeth scrambled for her backpack and then looks up. The cutest guy she has seen in a long time was offering his hand to help her up. For a heart beat, time stood still for her. Melting into his eyes, she returned his boyish smile.

"Well, my grandma always told me to never contradict a lady, so I will concede that it was all your fault. By the way, I'm Cameron Mitchell. My friends call me Cam." Cameron said, helping Elizabeth to her feet.

"I'm Elizabeth Weir. And my friends call me Elizabeth, Cam." She shot back, matching his tone.

"Yeah, I could see that. No Liz or Lizzy for you. You're too regal for that. Elizabeth suits you just fine."

"Too regal?" Elizabeth found herself laughing. Most guys' come-on lines made her roll her eyes and turn away, but something about Cameron Mitchell was different. "Nice line, has it ever worked?"

Shrugging, Cam laughed good naturedly with her. "Nah, but I keep using it. I figure it will work at some point. Hey, I'm looking for the science building. Care to help the new guy out?"

"Sure, I'm heading there myself." Elizabeth said while Cam fell in step with her. "So you're a freshman?"

"Sure am. I did four years with Uncle Sam after high school, and now my time is finally my own, so college here I come."

"What branch of the military were you in?"

"Air Force."

"The air force, really? You need to talk to John. He wants to become a fighter pilot for the air force." Elizabeth said, and then stared in wonder at Cam's mock horror at what she had just said.

Throwing his hand to his heart, Cam groaned. "I should have known that there would be another for me to contend with for your fair heart."

Feeling the heat rise up her cheeks, it took her a while to finally understand what he meant. "You mean John? Oh no! We are just really good friends. He isn't contending with you…I mean… we aren't together." Elizabeth finished lamely and wanted to curse when her cheeks grew warmer. She usually had completely control of a situation, but Cam seemed to throw her off her game.

"Wonderful! I don't have to go and cry myself to sleep tonight." Cam said, giving Elizabeth a wink.

Laughing at his antics, Elizabeth shook her head. Cameron Mitchell sure was something. A bit corny, but it seemed to work for him. He had a confidence about himself that was very refreshing. "Come on. We better get to the science building."

As the two walked toward the concrete building, Elizabeth laughed more than she had in ages. She found herself telling him all about the rally that she was trying to get together for that night and he agreed whole heartedly to be there. Sign a-waving.

When John rounded the corner to where he knew the activist group would be making their signs, he was shocked to see Elizabeth and some unknown guy running around trying to paint on each other. Plus, Elizabeth was giggling. Giggling! He had never heard Elizabeth Weir giggle- ever. Narrowing his eyes, he decided that he didn't like the unknown guy who was now holding his arms up in surrender as Elizabeth dabbed his nose with blue paint.

"John, you came!" Elizabeth called to him as he made his way toward the group. As he got closer she hit him with a megawatt smile.

"Don't I always come to your rallies?" He gave her a quick smile and then concentrated on the unknown guy.

"Hi, I'm Cameron Mitchell." Cam said. "Elizabeth was sure that you weren't going to show. She said you wouldn't want to protest about better wages for the college's industrial personnel.

"Industrial personnel?" John asked. Not liking the way Elizabeth was smiling up at this Cameron Mitchell guy.

"Cam came up with the name." Elizabeth said. "It sounds a lot better than janitor, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, sure." John leaned back on his heels, with his hands in his pockets. Cameron seemed to know exactly what he was thinking, because he smirked a little before heading back to his own sign. Now he was sure, that he didn't like Cameron Mitchell...

Coming back to present day, John shook his head at the memories. That day was the day that everything changed. He had watched as Cam and Elizabeth became closer and closer. It had taken almost four years of college and another guy for him to realize that he was completely in love with Elizabeth. But by then it had been too late. Elizabeth was head over heels in love with Cameron, and John was relegated to the role of best friend for life. After their wedding, John had joined the Air Force and happily put distance between him and them. Then, like many ex-Air Force pilots, moved onto being an airline pilot.

Taking another sip of beer, John moved to his bedroom. Digging in his closet he finally pulled out an old box that he hadn't looked at in years. It was his "Elizabeth Box". (Yes, he knew how lame that sounded) Inside were old pictures as well as the letters that Elizabeth had continued to write him long after he had stopped writing her. The last letter she had written to him, before he changed his address and was jerk enough to not tell her about it, was the one informing him of their son's birth. Sighing, John rubbed his forehead. He had been such a horrible friend for years. It had just been so hard to read about the Mitchells' happy life together in Podunk, Kansas. Kansas for pity sake! Elizabeth was going to be a top dog in Washington. It had been the only thing she talked about while they were in school, but then decided to chuck it all and teach farm kids at Kansas State University. Pawing through the photos, John knew that he wasn't being fair. He remembered how happy all her letters had been. Elizabeth hadn't minded a bit with the change in plans. And when John was honest with himself he knew that his anger was more jealousy that Cam inspired such devotion and love from Elizabeth.

With a snort, John saluted the letter with his beer bottle. "And you think I can just swoop in and make your wife fall in love with me, huh?" Downing the last of his beer, John continued to look at the photos he hadn't seen in years. He knew that he should really just stay with his current life. Stay with dating women that he knew wouldn't make their way into his heart. Resting his head on the wall behind him, John admitted to himself that he wasn't going to be smart about this. He knew that he was going to go to Podunk, Kansas and see Elizabeth again