The Brom Song!

by Gyp Dark

Boredom brought me to consider all the things they did differently in the film and the book. I pondered what might happen if the producers left Brom to himself on screen, given his brilliant song in The Lion King, and THIS was the product of my ponderings

Disclaimer: I don't own Eragon, and nor am I affiliated with Christopher Paolini or the Inheritance series. This was written for fun, not profit.

Well. I was chatting to a friend about Eragon. And we were chatting about the Eragon movie and how really, the writers should just have given Jeremy Irons (Brom) the run of the screen. And because he did so fantastically as Scar in the Lion King, I figured he deserved a song. So. Here is the Brom song. And I would like to note that I do iNOT/i hate the Eragon movie, this is just for fun, so no offence meant to anyone.

Director: Jeremy, we've got an acting part for you to do

Jeremy: what would you like me to do?

Director: just go stand in front of the camera and see what comes!

The Brom song:

The film starts off with evil, and Galbatorix has no hair,

Durza is quite wicked, and his teeth gave me a scare,

Galbatorix has these issues, with eggs being called stones

And with clothing ithis/i modern, can we all have mobile phones?

Those stupid urgals heads are looking far too bare,

And nobody taught Eragon that stealing isn't fair,

Angela's a weirdo, Solembum has no place,

Skulblakas Ven is feeble, and made-up in any case,

Murtagh is all clean, and looking kinda cross

And Saphira's growing-up scene shows the writers don't give a toss

Eragon's a blondie and Arya's a drip,

The raz'ac are all insects, and look like they gave childhood a skip

The raz'ac die too early, and now that they are gone...

Who can kidnap Katrina? It's ok, she wasn't born!

Murtagh's voice is gorgeous, but his story they mistook,

And Brom gets killed by Durza... did they even read the book?

What happened to the desert and fun our boys had there?

When Murtagh goes from good to bad, Eragon won't even care!

The Varden are so trusting that there's no need for the twins

So they can't betray the Varden and start working for the King,

The scar on Murtagh's stomach was inot/i made by a sword,

And about the cage... were the writers serious or just bored?

When Durza fights with his black cloud he forgot one tiny thing;

He wasn't trying to kill Saphira, just bring her to the King.

The ending scene just shows a romance that's never meant to come,

But hey, the audience haven't read the book, so we'll all just play dumb,

So let's review what we've seen so far and judge the movie thus,

And see if it was really worth this song and all this fuss,

The dwarves are all A.W.O.L., the urgals are just guys

The elves must just be wearing some freaking good disguise

The dragon is so girly, and the Forsworn are all gone,

Really, the writers need to get their thinking caps on

So really, dear audience, now you can see

Why they spent all their budget, and gave the screen just to me!