Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to Scott Westerfeld!
Sometimes she would cut herself so she wouldn't lose it. She couldn't lose it. Because if she lost it, then everything would blow apart. She had a good life now. She married David and they lived in the wild, making sure the cities kept within limits, at least they did for awhile.. She never got her brain rewired, so there were still moments when she felt lethal. She was lethal. There was no denying that. Sometimes, she visited Shay. Shay was still hopping around from city to city. Shay was after all, number 3 on the popularity ranking. Tally stayed number one and guessed she always would. Her children were even on the top 100 list, a thought that sickened Tally. She and David had two kids. A boy and a girl. They named them Maddie and Cable. David was surprised when Tally insisted upon Cable, but didn't question it. Now, she sat at their kitchen, they had relocated to a city a few miles away from the main controlling city. But it was in good hands, the former specials controlled it. Tally was the only real special left. Tally, David, and Shay were all in the history books and their children knew all about it. It was part of the main curriculum in schools these days. Sometimes, Tally would visit Aya, and her kids. Tally didn't have much to do these days. She technically had a very important government title, as did David, but these days she hardly did anything for her job. David made sure they didn't push too far in the wild, so Tally didn't worry. Tally spent most of her days, while David was at work and the kids were at school, sitting at this kitchen table, the knife in her hand. She only started cutting again this past year. Tally opened up a history textbook that Maddie had left open. Their names were all in it. David, Tally, Shay, Fausto, Cable, Peris, even David's parents.
The only person they didn't mention was Zane.
Zane. Tally started thinking about him about the time she started cutting again. She'd been getting flashbacks about him this past year. His eyes. His hands. His lips. His words. She always had to cut herself to keep from losing it. The special part of her brain always felt sick at the thought of him being weak but the part that she'd managed to rewire by herself, it always felt a deep ache that she never felt for anything or anyone. Sometimes, she'd have nightmares about Zane. She never told David about them. She always regretted how she treated Zane, towards the end. Sometimes, their happier memories, when they became bubbly together, would pop up. But it still filled her with sadness because Zane wasn't here.
Zane dying certainly made her choice between David and Zane easier. Naturally, after a few years, she'd married David. It seemed like the only thing to do, so she automatically said yes when he'd proposed. David treated her well, but recently, everything was a blur to her. Except Zane.
Suddenly, Tally felt it taking over. The special part of her brain. The lethal one. The killing one. She had to get out of this house. She had to. She just had to.
Then, she was running. Out of the house, out of the city. Some people must have turned their heads, but she was too fast. She was too fast for anyone. She ran into the forest, not sure where she was going, not exactly. But she knew she was running away from everything that killed Zane. But she never could completely. Because she was one of the things.