This is the first of the short stories that go with Talking It Through. No need to read that to get through this, though. It stands on its own.
Uncomplicated
He needed someone to talk to about Uriel, but it was late and he had already talked to Doctor Linda once that day. He really didn't want to go to Maze with this, because she would be so pissed off with him. And leaving her out meant also leaving out Chloe and Beatrice, as they now all lived together.
That left two people, and while he was getting closer to Dan, he shuddered at having any more deep conversations with him after he admitted he hated himself in front of him.
And that narrowed his choices down to one. Ella.
She was nice, didn't want him for sexual favours which he was oddly glad for and tried to comfort him in her own weird way. Also, she was a hugger and he could use a hug right then and with Chloe not available...
He could have done without the whole method acting thing, but if that's what she wanted to believe good for her.
Picking up his phone, which he had left on top of his bar instead of safely in his pocket where he normally kept it, he quickly found the right number and hit dial.
"Hello!" came her voice as soon as the ringing stopped and he cringed at what he was about to do.
"Hello, Ella."
There was silence for a few seconds before an excited "Lucifer! You okay? I didn't ever expect you to suddenly call me out of nowhere."
He grinned. "Yes. I'm fine."
She laughed and it somehow eased some of his worry and anger. "Okay, so what can I do for you? Did something happen?"
"Oh, I just got into a bit of a family squabble and could use some company and everyone else I know is not available."
"Oh, I come last in your books. Nice to know."
He sighed. "I didn't mean it like that, but I do barely know you and this is awkward enough as it is..."
"Given. Okay, so what, you called to talk?"
"I called to invite you over." She paused and went silent on him and he sighed. "Don't worry about it. I'll just wait until morning."
"No, no. It's just, I don't do sex with work pals."
He blinked. "I wasn't offering sex. I just really don't want to be alone right now."
"Oh! Well, sure, I can be over in about 15 minutes then."
He closed his eyes in relief. "Thank you."
They both hung up after a quick goodbye and he took the 15 minutes to tinker around on his piano. When the lift stopped at the penthouse and she stepped out, he smiled widely at her, before getting up. "Hello Ella."
"Lucifer! Come here, you," she exclaimed loudly before walking up to him and pulling him into a hug.
He froze for a few seconds, before he hugged her back. He wasn't much of a hugger but he needed touch right then and was not interested in having sex.
"So, family problems then?"
He groaned. "Yes. There is a reason I'm in therapy."
She nodded, before letting him go and sat down on his couch. "So, what happened?" she asked, patting the seat next to her.
Sighing, he went over to where she was and let himself flop in a pile next to her. It was possible the most graceless move he had ever made and he just did not care. "The usual, really. Dad giving everyone the silent treatment. My brother siding with mum. Mum thinking I should just roll over and do what she wants. Everything's a mess since one of my brothers died."
Her eyes widened at hat one. "Oh, so that's why you've been acting so odd. Baby brother or older brother?"
"Middle brother, actually. One of many."
"Ah, a big family. I get that. I have four brothers."
He grinned. 'Yes. And being the black sheep of the family sucks. Everything is your fault. You get punished for the smallest transgression and it never ends. I don't really get on with my family, but mum's determined to keep us all together and thinks I should fall into line because I'm her child and that's what I am supposed to do because she's mum."
"Ouch. Yeah, I get the therapy now."
He laughed at the sudden change in topic. "For a while there, I thought I had driven her insane."
Ella laughed and shook her head. "You know, you sure have a weird sense of humour sometimes."
He frowned at her. "That one wasn't a joke, or a pun. I literally thought I had driven her insane. I never want to feel like that again. Talk about hitting a damn low..."
Her smile slipped off her face. "Seriously? Wow. Must have been pretty serious what you discussed."
He frowned. "What we talked about, yes. And what I showed her, but I'm not getting into that. She told me this morning that I should tell someone else and, quite honestly, you're the only one I have such an uncomplicated friendship with. I'm too close to Detective Decker, Dan is just becoming a friend from being someone who I just saw as annoying, family is out, Maze is...well, Maze. And Beatrice is only 8 years old! This is not something to talk to a child about."
She blinked at him and grinned. "Aww, so I wasn't just your last to call, I was your first, after you couldn't go to anyone else. Well, okay, I'm honoured. I consider you a friend too. Always good to have people you can confide in. So! Dear, sweet devil of mine, are you going to confess your sins to me?"
He grinned at her. "It involves my brother's death."
She nodded. "Yeah, I guessed it had something to do with that."
He relaxed slightly, but tensed when she let her head fall onto his chest. "So! What is it about your brother's death then?"
"He was killed. Stabbed to death in a church of all places. Funny place to kill an angel if you ask me, but hey. That's how it happened.
She rolled her eyes. "Ah, of course. Lucifer. Your brothers would all be angels."
He frowned. "Well, I wouldn't say all, but definitely most, yes. But my brother who died was Uriel. He of the boring welcoming speeches."
She sat completely up. "Wait, the archangel Uriel was killed?"
He nodded. "Yes. And worse yet, it was by Azrael's dagger, which means he wasn't even sent back to Heaven upon his demise, but his soul was obliterated. No more Uriel. He's gone. Never to return and I hate myself for it."
She frowned. "Why?"
He looked at her. "You can't guess? Remember the days I spent dogging the detective's every move, saying that there was a cosmic force out to destroy her? Yeah, that was my dear brother. He had pattern recognition as a power. Like mine is desire and pulling truth out of people. There's no fighting with someone who can kill you by making everything in the world a weapon. Know enough about a person and he could kill someone in what looks like a complete accident and there is no telling it wasn't an accident. He full on admitted he caused the car crash that hurt Chloe."
Ella lifted her head and put a hand to his chest in its place. "Wait, that was actually not you making stuff up. That actually happened?"
He nodded, his head down, staring at her hand. "It happened, whether you believe it or not, Miss Lopez."
"Oh getting formal. I don't like it. What happened?"
"He called me to fight him. He beat me, obviously. Figured out my fighting style in under a minute. Threw me into the pews, and Maze was left lying on the ground, bleeding and almost dead, or so it seemed. He had gone completely nuts. He was raving about killing mum and Chloe and Maze. He beat Amenadiel into a pulpy mess. He was going to go after everyone I care about here on Earth and systematically kill all of you, simply to get me to give him mum."
"Wait...your mom?"
He stared at her at that. "Seriously, I keep forgetting how much that bloody book of your changes. Before the church went the monotheist route, polytheism was all in. God had a wife he co-ruled with. The Goddess of all Creation. And she's stuck here on Earth in a flimsy human body of a recently dead person."
Ella laughed at that and he scowled. "That was not a joke. I'm beginning to think she's going to try and get back to Heaven to overthrow dad's throne and lay waste to humanity, because she hates you lot."
She frowned at him. "Okay, but seriously, your mom is trying to destroy God and Earth?'
"Seriously I have no idea what the hell she's doing."
Rolling her eyes, Ella sat back in the couch seat she was laying against. "Okay, so what happened?"
"He called me to a church. I went, I fought, I lost. Maze managed to knock Azrael's blade out of his hands before he beat her. He was going to go after Chloe first to get to me. I picked up the dagger..."
Ella's eyes widened. "Oh! Oh wow. You stabbed him with it?"
He closed his eyes and nodded. "He died in my arms. He whispered something to me I don't understand and will not repeat. Doctor Linda's been trying to get me to see that he left me no choice. Pattern recognition meant the only way to stop him was to do something unpredictable. And I have never been a killer. I just...I needed to stop him."
"He was going after everyone you love. That's a normal reaction. I would have done the same. Anyone would."
He shook his head. "No. He had already stated he could never have turned the blade on me. His brother. I turned it on him though. I killed him. Just...snuffed out his life. The guilt is unbearable."
He shifted away from her, sure she was going to bolt now he had confessed what he had done to one of his human friends that happened to work for the police. Instead, she followed him, dragged his head down to her lap and began patting his head.
"Come on, I'm not going to leave you alone right now. No wonder you've been so off in your behaviour lately. You even spooked your therapist. I'm glad she's talking to you again. You're going to need it like whoa."
He chuckled at that, because he was well aware that his playing around in therapy has now well and truly finished. He truly did need it now for what he was going through.
Ella's free hand wrapped around his chest and held him close, her hand in his hair keeping up its gentle motion and he was suddenly very aware that he was going to start crying all over her jeans.
It should have felt awkward and embarrassing, but somehow it wasn't. It didn't stop him from wriggling around in her embrace to hide his head against her belly. This time, she let him move into the position he was most comfortable in and left him alone other than her touch.
He wished his mum was better at comfort, but she truly sucked at it.
It was that thought that made the lump stuck in his throat expand, his breath hitch and after a few seconds, his eyes to fill with unshed tears. He managed to spout out a few mumbled 'why's' before he lost his ability to speak, which was a good thing.
He got lost in his own grief, guilt and misery for a while after that. Crying for his brother and how much his death hurt him. For whatever had happened to drive his little brother insane enough to try what he did in the first place.
For killing even though it wasn't a part of who he was.
Ella seemed to understand that last one too, which shocked him. Just like Doctor Linda, she told him it was natural to want to stop the threat against so many people he cared about. By any means necessary. Even if that meant killing someone. He remembered Chloe killing Malcolm to save him and her daughter. And herself.
Was it the same kind of situation?
As it was, he doubted if the police got wind of it, he'd be able to help them out any longer. He doubted somehow it would be seen as self defence, though if he could get mum to be his lawyer...
He didn't know when his thoughts shifted from Uriel's death to trying to prove his defensive murder tactics, but it helped greatly in calming him down, and Linda was right in that he felt a bit better for letting that out and telling someone.
"What are you busy thinking about?" came Ella's voice from above him, and he shifted slightly so he wasn't wrapped around her like a clinging wailing child.
"Are you going to say anything?"
"You mean about how you are an unredeemable killing machine for going on the attack as a form of defence? Something millions of people have done before to protect their loved ones? No. Not unless you want me to help you in it, and then I'd probably be in as much trouble as you will be. I'd probably be considered an accomplice for knowing and not telling so, shh."
And that just made him feel worse again. "I'm sorry! All I can do lately is hurt people! I didn't want to get you into trouble and now your career might be over because of me!"
She was staring at him; he could feel it on the back of his head. "Uh, dude, I was joking. I doubt it would stick. You're too guilty to have done it in any state of premeditation. If anything it would be accidental death, play it like he attacked you with a knife, which is true, and in the squabble he got stuck with it. But, considering there's no evidence of a murder anywhere, don't worry about it."
He shuddered. "No, all I have to worry about is his grave being discovered."
She moved the hand that was wrapped around him to pat his back. "Aww, you worry too much."
He shook his head, noting with disgust that he was getting more than one type of body fluid all over her clothes and coughed. "I have made an absolute mess of your top, just so you know..."
Eh, it'll wash. No harm done. Now, do you feel better?"
He sat up and got out a tissue to clean up his face. "Ugh, yeah a bit. I'm glad Doctor Linda told me to tell someone. I think I needed to. She's...well, she is my therapist."
"Yeah, therapists can be like that, but you can't beat confiding in a non complicated friend. And you said it yourself, I am your only one of those."
He smiled at her, before standing up and heading over to his piano. "Yes, yes you are. Thank you for not running and just listening, even if you don't believe me."
Ella frowned. "Oh I believe it happened, even if I don't believe the whole religious part of it, and even if that is true, well, then it doesn't matter what I think, it happened regardless."
And Lucifer knew why he chose her of all people to confide in. She had faith, not only in his father and her religion, but in individual people as well. She doubted as much as she believed to keep her faith alive.
And that reached to him too.
He decided first thing in the morning that he'd tell Chloe about Uriel's death, but leave out the murder part. He didn't want Chloe to ever know about that part of his death.