A/N: This is my first fanfic so any reviews would seriously be appreciated :)
The Final Tie
A young man skulked outside the entrance to a dank, dark alleyway, the fallen sign reading Knockturn Alley in spidery lettering. At first glance one would have been forgiven for thinking that he was extremely old due to his slow pace and hunched silhouette. But no. He was barely out of his teens.
Most people would not have considered his age at a Ministry trial, however. The crimes he had committed would never have been forgiven; no matter how old he was. For these terrible deeds were done in full consciousness of his actions. He chose to hurt those people.
Sneaking in the shadows, watching and waiting were things that this man did on a regular basis, but this time it was not for his master, it was for himself.
A young woman of similar age to him was hurrying past the alleyway on the other side of the road looking preoccupied and apprehensive, glancing behind her every so often. He used to know her very, very well; now all he knew was that it was partly his fault that she looked so worried. Before he could stop himself he called out just loud enough for her to hear:
"Lily!"
Lily whipped round, wand drawn, with a fierce look in her eyes that scanned the dark passage, knowing that a voice coming from within Knockturn Alley could only spell trouble. She remained silent.
"Lily, it's me, your darkest friend."
The fierce look in her eyes disintegrated into one of sadness and pity as she recognised the voice from the shadows. Only Severus Snape would call himself her 'darkest friend'. The irony of the name now though, was that he had become a dark person rather than just her dark haired, dark eyed friend. She suspected that his heart lived in shadow and did not pretend to imagine where on earth his soul, let alone his conscience, was hiding.
"Severus?" There was a mixture of disbelief and nervousness etched into her face.
"What are you doing down there, one of your usual haunts now, eh?" she snapped.
Severus was surprised by her unpleasantness; The Lily he had known was always kind and friendly. He supposed that war did funny things to people's emotions, he had noticed even in himself that almost all of the warmth inside him had eroded, faded away. She pulled him out of his thoughts abruptly when she continued as though she had realised that anger would get her nowhere.
"Sorry." she muttered shortly. Severus said nothing, the silence stretching into infinity.
After what seemed like an aeon, she spoke. "Hormones getting to me". The smile that graced her face twisted her lips but did not fill her eyes, a dead smile.
"Anyway, how did you know I would be here?" she blurted. It was a blunt question and he did not have an answer for her that he would not be ashamed to admit, he did not think he could bear to see the disgust in those eyes for what he was doing, what he had done.
"I...I didn't, I was just..." the flimsy excuse stumbled on his tongue and faded into nothing.
He could not admit that he had just returned from meeting with the Dark Lord and had revealed some extremely useful information; it was not hard to collect if you knew who to tail and where to eavesdrop. However, that was beside the point. A quick recovery required a change of tack and he turned a question back on her:
"If this is 'one of my usual haunts', then why are you walking past? Surely you would know I was here?" he felt a savage triumph at getting one over on Lily Evans and lightening the atmosphere.
"Unluckily, there is only one way to get to either end of Diagon Alley, and that is past this unfortunate place" she grimaced. "And speaking of unfortunate places, I must go - it's dangerous and I need to visit Zonko's". She turned to leave but Severus grasped her wrist at which she stopped, looked back and stared up at him with a frown "yes?"
"Zonk-" He began but never finished the sentence, for it was strangled by the appearance of four hooded figures emerging from a shop halfway down Knockturn Alley. Horrified he checked his expression before turning to Lily and whispering directly "go!" When she did not move he hissed, "Now!" and pushed her out of the line of sight of the four wizards Severus thought were familiar.
"Okay, I'm going." she answered, annoyance colouring her tone. Severus assumed she had not seen the approaching danger and realised, too late, that he was right; Lily stepped back in front of Knockturn alley the way she had come, rather than continue up Diagon Alley, and away from the oncoming wizards.
"NO! Lily, don't-" he almost shouted but stopped himself. He was too much of a coward to risk being seen or heard by the others, too weak. He tried to run after her but his legs felt like stone, he tried to call out but his throat seemed to have closed up.
He watched in slow motion as she stepped into the bloody sunset leering over the shops of Knockturn Alley, heard a blurred yell from the dark wizards as they recognised Lily's auburn hair burning in the afternoon sun, saw Lily turn her head, watched her face fill with horror, and felt the dull crack of a spell as it hit her in her side. "Everte Statum!" Lily was flipped up into the air before she was slammed to the floor from the force of the blast.
Automatically, Severus found himself shrinking into the shadows of a doorway feeling sick to the core with himself.
You're worthless, pathetic; you deserve to die he thought. Hatred burned through his body but still he did nothing.
Severus watched Lily's impending doom through her facial expressions. It was a cruel justice, although she did not know it, that he had to watch the fear, pain and hatred flicker alternately across her fearful face while disgust and self-loathing fought on his.
Within seconds the four were upon her, circling like vultures waiting to ravage an animal carcass.
"Who's that?" a voice asked from under the smallest cloak.
"Don't you know 'er? Tha's Lily Evans, that is" a second voice spat with a mocking, cockney twang.
When the first voice did not answer, the tallest and bulkiest figure whacked the first over the head, causing his hood to fall down revealing his disturbing skull-like mask, and hissed, 'you idiot Wilkes, Lily Evans – one of "Dumbledore's Order"' He emphasised "Dumbledore's Order" in a high pitched girlie, sing-song voice. Severus shuddered at the tone.
Lily struggled to stand and attempted to pull out her wand, but the hulking death eater noticed and lazily called 'accio wand'. Severus and Lily both watched in horror as her only means of protecting herself slipped unwillingly from her grasp.
The first three death eaters turned their wands upon Lily and Severus saw the maniacal glint of teeth and eyes from behind the blank masks.
As he watched this atrocity, he had a sudden, grim epiphany. He had finally broken the final tie to morality inside him; snapped, shattered, cracked it. Cut like a ribbon with its torn and frayed edges fluttering into the distance. It was official – the soul of Severus Snape was –metaphorically - dead.
'Stop' a voice ordered, and for a second both Lily and Severus believed it to be Severus himself who had spoken. However, three masks turned to the final mask from which the voice had echoed. The fourth tall but lean body stood slightly further out of the circle than the others and made no movement to join in. Severus supposed it was harder for those less loyal to the Dark Lord to hurt people they knew, too much like a reality check. Finally he spoke again: "Leave it, Rosier, she's not what we came for"
"Aww, is little Regulus afraid?" Rosier mocked.
"No" Regulus' reply was curt, cold even. "I am not under instruction from you, or anyone"
"Wait jus' a second. You're 'under instruction' from the Dark Lord." The cockney paused for effect, relishing his accusation "or are you a traitor?"
"No Rowle, or I wouldn't be here would I?" Regulus spoke slowly, as if explaining to a young child, but with a cool edge.
"No, but we're s'posed to be a team, ain't we? Black" Rowle said menacingly, stepping towards Regulus. "Don't look good to undermine me in front of the mudblood 'ere, does it?"
"Team" Regulus sounded incredulous "Team? There is no team here; just you, the idiot Wilkes, and Rosier here who thinks he's better than what he is: a servant"
Wilkes and Rowle both lunged for Regulus at the same time. Lily's wand lay forgotten on the floor. In the ruckus, she seized the opportunity, grabbed her wand and ran in the direction of the doorway that Severus was hiding in.
An arm flashed out from a doorway and yanked Lily into the cramped darkness. She opened her mouth to scream but a cold, pallid hand covered her mouth stifling the scream.
"It's me" Severus breathed into her ear. Lily immediately stopped struggling and stood shaking in complete silence while they both listened to the scuffling Death Eaters who fought mere metres from the doorway.
"Aw, for m-" Rowle began before he was cut off mid sentence. Lily assumed he must have been hit by one of the others as a dull thud sounded before Regulus spoke once again:
"You three can explain this."
"What?" Wilkes spluttered stupidly. "Explain what? To who?"
"Who do you think, you bowtruckle." Rosier sounded like he was spitting knives and Lily unconsciously shivered.
"Let's see. Who are we 'under instruction' from? Why don't you ask Rowle? He seemed to know earlier" Regulus answered before he stepped over Rowle's limp body and strode away from the trio; away from the trio, and straight towards the doorway that hid Lily and Severus.
Oh. Merlin.
Lily's heart leaped into her throat. Blood roared behind her ears. All she could hear was the sound of her heartbeat thumping so loudly she was sure Regulus would hear. All she could see was his dark shadow approaching. Closer. James' face appeared in her mind and a sharp pain stabbed her heart. No, she couldn't leave him. Not now, not when he needed her most, when she needed him most. Moisture pricked the back of her eyes and her breathing hitched.
Severus watched helplessly as Regulus Black approached the doorway. He saw Lily's eyes widen in horror as Regulus turned his head almost imperceptibly towards them and mouthed one word. "Go"
"What?" Wilkes shouted from down the alley. Severus' heart stopped.
"I said: Go team!" Regulus sneered. He continued on his way, never breaking his stride, not once looking back.
Lily jumped as she heard Rosier cursing a second before there was the blessed sound of three successive cracks. She could not think of a more welcome sound at this very moment in time.
Severus exhaled visibly, slumping back against the door, a pained expression marring his features.
Regret and self-loathing slashed through his mind. Why did he not protect her? What would have happened had Regulus not let them go? He had caused this, he had hurt Lily. He had made her stop when he knew he should have let her go. One hit from a spell should have been too many.
Severus had never felt so ashamed in his entire life. It would cost him a lot to lift his head to face Lily, but he knew he owed her that much. And now he was going to burden her even more with his selfish desire.
Lily stared back into Severus' eyes, a strange expression on her face.
Say it she silently willed him, intensely curious to find out what he obviously wanted to say.
The words suddenly tumbled from his lips in a desperate plea. "Lily Evans will you help me. I'm begging you, please."
Lily's heart broke just a little bit. "I am not Lily Evans anymore; I am Lily Potter"
"But-"He was cut off by her raised tone.
"And I am going to have a Potter baby, James Potter's baby"
A silent one sided staring competition had erupted from Lily, daring Severus to challenge her.
"What?" Panic was quickly rising in his throat; his heartbeat felt like it was thudding in his ears, surely he must have misheard?
"You heard me"
An entire spectrum of emotions flitted across his usually passive face; first shock, denial, panic, guilt, anger and then finally, hatred. Lily winced inside but stared Severus down fiercely.
Show no mercy, it's none of his business she thought.
An overwhelming, overriding wave had come crashing down around his ears, knocking the wind from his stomach and deafening him, blurring everything from the world except her face. The horrifying truth had hit him hard where it hurt; in his heart. It was her - it was Lily – the prophecy.
Dumbledore. Albus Dumbledore was his last hope. That's what he would do, he thought frantically, I'll go to Dumbledore, tell him everything, anything- beg him to get me out of this mess- promise him that I'll do anything that would save Lily and... And even Potter, the Potter baby too. It was half Lily after all, that pure half in it would have to fight hard to rid itself of the Potterness but it was still something that Lily would cherish. His smile turned into a grimace that Lily interpreted as a sneer. Her face filled with fierce pride and her eyes began to shimmer in anger.
"I'm sorry-"
Lily cut him off "No. I'm sorry. I can't help you if you won't stand up for yourself, let alone me – your oldest friend. Without courage, there's no hope for any of us."
With that, Lily Potter turned on her heels and Apparated away.
That was the last time Severus Snape ever saw his Lily Evans again; head held high, love in her heart, and with ferocious loyalty to all whom she valued.
********
This is the most painful memory he has ever buried deep away in his soul, yet in death, it is the memory that breaks through the tattered cobwebs of his mind to the surface.
This, he thinks, is the story of my life; take the hardest, darkest, most dangerous path to the inexorable end whilst making nearly all the wrong decisions along the way. He tries to smile but finds he cannot.
The Potter boy appears from nowhere and then bends over him with something, not quite hate, in his eyes. Severus knows he must tell Potter everything. Harry must know the truth. Harry must understand.
As he battles with the unconscious, struggling for breath and the need to explain, Harry's robes are grabbed, twisted and the strength is summoned to pull the face of James towards him.
'Take...it...Take...it...'
So this is death, he thinks as the blood races away from his neck and the memories seep from his very soul; trailing death in their wake.
Then, he knows he must see them one last time.
'Look...at...me...'
And with that, Severus Snape dies: beneath the boy he detested; the boy he tried so hard to protect, and with the memory of Lily's beautiful, green eyes.