Worry
Written by sagewolf; betafied by the absolutely brilliant Sardonic Kender Smile. Thank you Kender.
Disclaimer: (which I'm surprised I actually remembered) I do not own Fire Emblem. This is a freely-distributed (from my point of view, anyway) piece of fiction written for the amusement of my fellow fans and to hone my craft.
(10-Sep) EDIT: Killed unnecessary italicizing on the document that appeared for some stupid reason after I un-merged words. Had to do it FIVE times then go into HTML. Thank you Little Green Budgie for pointing THAT out. Grrrr...
"Erky! Oh, Eeeerky!"
Erk shuddered when he heard the voice. He was going to kill that green-cloaked witch of a tactician someday. Not that he didn't like her under normal circumstances, of course, but making him guard Serra was going too far. It had taken him a month to fully forgive Lord Pent for giving him the same assignment, a little over a year ago. Before that escapade Erk had believed himself capable of forgiving Lord Pent for anything, even dragging them both into the deepest, most demon-infested pit of Hell for the purpose of admiring the architecture there.
Of course, Lord Pent hadn't come along last year. He'd been in his study, reading about the myriad applications of sentient spells.
"Erky! Come on! You are supposed to be protecting me! Get on with the protecting!"
Protecting her from what? Killer leaves? Sticks? No, wait, he knew: it had to be that evil-looking fly over there. There were no enemies this far from the front; Erk and Serra were even in a large hollow to shield them from the view of said absent enemies (it had been expanded recently and, indeed, was still smoking in places).
He shook his head. Reluctance aside, this was his job. He had to do it. Anyone who was wounded would have to come to them for treatment, and that would lead the enemies to their station, putting both Serra and the wounded soldier at risk from enemies he would have to deal with.
So said the emerald witch, anyway. Come to think of it... where, by that reasoning, were Priscilla and Lucius? Having tea?
Erk gripped his Elfire tome tighter and went over to Serra, resisting an urge to blast her with it. It wasn't as if he'd never had such an urge before. By the time he was halfway to her, however, she had dashed off to another part of their little entrenchment.
He made a futile attempt to dissuade her from such behavior. "Serra, stop moving around so much! I can't guard you if you don't stay still!' Elimine, but she was annoying.
She glared at him. "You should be more alert, Frumpy-Face, and stay beside me. Then you wouldn't have to run around all the time and be all tired and miserable." She smiled after a brief period of thought. "At least you've finally started to take my orders, though. That is a very good step forward for you."
"I'm not taking your orders," he retorted between gasps. This was as bad as being in the support group, as far as running around went. "I was instructed to guard you by someone who is actually in authority. And it was not," he added, "Lord Eliwood or Lord Hector, so do not say it's because they're smitten with you." Even Lord Hector wasn't that nuts. Erk finally caught up to her and bent over, catching his breath for a second.
"No, of course not," Serra agreed, causing Erk to look at her suspiciously. She agreed with him?
"The only one smitten with me is you!"
Nope. She was officially thicker than Wallace's armor.
"You probably volunteered for this mission! Don't act like you don't cherish every moment you spend by my side."
"Oh. Of course." That was all he trusted himself to say without it turning into a Fire spell. Granted, she was fairly resistant to magic, being a cleric and under Elimine's holy protection, so she wouldn't have been hurt anyway…still, it was best not to take chances. After a few minutes of silence, he was controlled enough to speak again: "I cherish them. That must be why I try my hardest to have Matthew watch you as often as humanly possible. It's obviously to make these precious moments between us all the more precious."
If only Matthew was a tad more altruistic. Those moments could do with being a whole lot more precious.
She spun around."Oh, Erky!"
Now what was wrong with her?
"You poor thing! I had no idea you pined so! My beauty should be a crime! Obsessing over every second, giving your time with me away so you can hold what remains all the nearer... You poor, tortured soul! It must be so hard to be you!"
She'd noticed! He would find her a ribbon of some sort. (And let Matthew give it to her.) He'd paint a big 'ONE' on it to show how remarkably sensitive she was.
"Surely Eliwood and Hector despise you for getting the chance to be with me like this." She leaped over to him and hugged him, encircling his entire torso--arms and all--in her grasp. "Why, they might even send you to the front lines to die!"
"I wouldn't worry about that, Serra," Erk replied from his awful, clingy, imprisoning hug-cocoon. Indeed, he could see Hector and Eliwood from his position. Hector seemed to be finding something very funny indeed.
Erk wished keen eyes and steady hands to the archers aiming at the lord from the enemy ranks as he watched him.
After what seemed to be a period of thought, Serra released him, put both hands on her hips and glared at him. "Hmm? Now, Erky, what kind of answer is that? You simply don't understand the power I have over men!"
Ohhh, he was sick of it. Sick of hearing how he, and every other male member of the army, was obviously besotted with her; sick of hearing about all the people who would kill him because he 'got to' spend time with her; sick of being called 'Erky' or any variation thereof. Sick. Of. It.
And she was still talking.
"Now, you know, you're not the most impressive man in the camp by a long shot, so I can understand if you don't realize the power some people can--"
"Enough!" he yelled. "Why must you pester me constantly?! Wherever I look you are there--if you hate me so, why are you always around me?"
Her mouth hung open, and she wassilent for nearly an entire second before she retaliated, indignation obvious in her voice and her stance. "Don't say that! For your information, Erky, I'm the only one here who understands your dark, secretive, antisocial personality!"
Oh, so he was 'dark.' Apparently Nino liked 'dark'. He hadn't pegged her as the type. But Serra knew everything, so it had to be true.
She kept going. "Why, if it weren't for me, you'd probably have starved to death ages ago, or gotten hurt and died, or--something horrible like that! The only reason I stay by your side is to make sure that doesn't happen! You should thank me!" She seemed ready to accept his apology.
Yeah, right.
Erk ignored caution, reason and the fact they were on a battlefield, and yelled, "My side of the equation's no different! You're so bloody annoying that nobody would notice if you went missing, and even if they did, they'd just welcome the peace and quiet--which I could actually use right now!"
Serra stared at him, mouth open again, hands falling to her sides, and a decidedly unusual expression on her face. Her reply, once it came, was far too quiet. "You... no, you don't mean that..."
Upon hearing her answer, the part of his mind that had had his empathy and reason forced upon it began to chime in with its opinion of what he'd just said. Ignoring it proved far easier than ignoring Serra.
"It's no worse than what you said!" he snapped, before turning around and watching the battle. He ignored the cleric completely until it was time to drag her back to the camp after the battle was over. The rational part of his mind had something to say about this too; she was being far too quiet for her. She didn't even complain when he deposited her next to Matthew (with a minimum of fuss) before returning-- immediately-- to the campfire he shared with Priscilla, Raven, Lucius, Canas and Nino, ignoring Matthew's attempt to draw him into conversation.
He spent the evening blocking the day's events from his mind, talking with the other magic-users and even Raven: Priscilla and Lucius had finally persuaded him to join theirconversations. Nino was as cheerful and perky as ever, and seemed to have made it her night's mission to cheer him up, showing him a book Canas had lent her and reading a page to him, slowly, but with obvious pride and glee.
The book's author was obviously mad; wyverns were neither lake-dwelling nor white. They were big, belligerent, dark-scaled, mountain-dwelling reptiles, tamed for the purpose of aerial combat; he could see two from where he sat, and they were certainly not crying 'SCRAW!' (Indeed, it looked as if they were trying to eat each other.) How anyone could be so wrong about such a well-known creature was completely beyond Erk. Nino liked it, though. She thought it was a brilliant joke. That Canas owned such a book wasn't very surprising: that man would read anything. Erk dearly hoped he wasn't taking the book too seriously.
All in all, it was a fairly satisfying end to an unsatisfying day, and by the time Erk went to bed, he had just about forgotten Serra completely.
"Alright, Erk." The tactician flipped through a book she kept on her-- the one she used to note who was meant to be where, with whom, doing what, and when all this was supposed to happen. Forty people were a lot to keep track of. "Erk, Erk, Erk... where are you? Ah! I've got you with Priscilla and Raven today, if there's a battle. Which there will be. There always is," she finished, trailing off with a disgruntled huff.
"Not Serra?" he asked, incredulous. The tactician shook her head.
"Nope. I'll stick her with Matthew or something, if he's not busy. Sain never minds either." She looked up at him. "'Sthat it?"
Erk blinked and nodded. She'd had him with Serra for the last week and a half.
"Great! Priscilla and Raven until next notice, then." She walked off, breaking into a run when she caught sight of Guy. Erk grinned, then felt it slide away. Something was nagging him, but he couldn't quite tell what it was. He checked all of his magic tomes; none were damaged or close to exhaustion.
Oh, to hell with this! He should have been glad: he didn't have to guard Serra! Sowhat was bothering him? He tried to think of anything he'd told someone he'd do…a project for Lord Pent, or a conversation with Lady Louise, or something Canas had wanted him to look at, perhaps. Yet he couldn't remember anyone telling him they wanted him to do anything. He couldn't think of anything he'd told anyone else.
No, actually, he could. The previous day's conversation with Serra sprang to mind. Erk sighed and frowned; the nagging feeling was probably his conscience. Yesterday... yes, he'd been annoyed, but that was no excuse for what he'd said. That had been cold. Then again, she was, well, her--surely she wouldn't take it seriously. She'd realize he was just aggravated, or blow it off as she had so many of his and Matthew's other rejections, insults and sarcastic comments. That was the way she was, and he would have forgotten the entire incident, except for one thing.
She was nowhere to be seen. Her voice wasn't rising into the morning air as it usually did, more effective than any officer's bugle at rousing the entire camp. The tactician hadn't seen her yet, since she hadn't assigned her to anyone, and Matthew, Hector, Oswin and Sain were clear to be seen in the camp. (Those four were pretty conspicuous, too, because of their size, behavior, or the cries of 'Give that back!' and 'Hey! Thief!' that followed Matthew everywhere.) She wasn't beside any of them, or trailing behind them, or running around in front of them.
Telling the nagging feeling to shut up, he went over to Serra's tent, expecting her to still be sleeping, or, more likely, sulking over their fight the previous day. He called her name outside the tent, he stuck a hand in and waved, and finally, considering fair warning to be given, he stuck his head inside. It was empty; both cots were immaculately made. Lady Priscilla always kept her personal effects tidy, so it was no surprise that hers was freshly made. Serra's was a different matter: she never made her cot up, thinking it a waste of time (considering they were simply going to pack the cots up, she was probably right for once) and therefore a task for her 'vassals'. If the bed was made up, and she hadn't yet attached herself to a 'vassal', then she hadn't slept in it the previous night.
Erk went back to his own tent; she wasn't lying in wait for him there. At that point he began to bite his lip, and unconsciously folded his hand into a fist. He could, in less than a second, list five people who would notice he was missing within an hour of his disappearance: Lord Pent and Lady Louise (sometimes it seemed as if she looked over at him every five minutes), Canas, Nino, Lady Priscilla... and they were simply the first five that came to mind. How long had Serra been missing? Longer than an hour, he suspected.
It was possible she'd been missing all night. Lady Priscilla wouldn't have noticed if she was missing, since Serra was so often on duty in the healer's tent that contained all their medicines and staves. Indeed, since Lady Priscilla and Serra were the only two real healers in the camp, it was extremely uncommon for them to both sleep in the same tent. But Serra hadn't been on duty the previous night--Lucius had been. She should have been in that tent.
Erk had felt a lot of things around Serra, and a lot of things about her. There had been frustration, fury, exasperation, indignation... he'd even felt envy for her, from time to time-- she was a member of House Ostia, after all. He'd never been worried about her, though. He'd always assumed that someone was looking out for her--if not him, then Matthew or Hector or Sain. He had certainly never felt sorry for her.
He was sorry now.
Serra sat on a fallen log and sniffed, hugging her knees to her chest and resting her head on them. It was true: they really didn't care. She'd taken a Lightning tome and a staff with her and walked off into the woods the previous night, sure in the expectation that someone--indeed, several someones--would come hurtling through the trees after her, intent on bearing her back to the camp in safety.
Then she'd have shown that stupid mage. She'd have proven that everyone did care if she was there, that they would do anything to make sure she was safe and sound, that they couldn't possibly restrain themselves at the thought of harm coming to her. Even when it had gotten dark, she'd persuaded herself that they were looking, but they simply could not see to look. She had gone to sleep in the belief that she would wake to someone--Matthew, stealing through the night, or perhaps Sain with his noble, proud steed--someone, anyone, shaking her awake in the dead of night.
But she'd woken up to daylight and birdsong, unable to hear the sounds of a search party, or even the sounds of their camp. Frightened, she tried to find her way back, succeeding only in getting more and more lost, until finally she'd given up and sat down on a fallen log and proceeded to bawl her eyes out. He'd been right. They really didn't care, and now, she was stuck in the woods, on her own with only a Holy tome for defense, and a weak one at that. They would leave her behind in the forests of whatever Lycian territory they were in, to fall prey to bandits, or wild animals, or... or... even more horrible things...She buried her head in the fabric of her robe again and resumed her crying, not caring who or what heard her.
It was five minutes, or five hours, or some length of time in between, before she heard a rustle in the forest near her. She choked back her tears, silencing herself as quickly as she could. The rustle sounded again, closer this time. Which direction was it coming from? Was it bandits? Wolves? Bears? She gripped her Lightning tome tightly, opening it to the correct page, hoping she could remember the correct intonation for the chants. When she heard the rustle a third time, she lost her self-control and screamed, trying to inject as much strength as possible into her voice.
"Go away! Go away! I don't have anything you want! I... I know magic!" That was it: confident! Just like she'd told Florina! She could drive them off! "I'm not afraid to use it either! So you, you'd better be ready to run away, because I-I'll blast you into smithereens!" Shaking hard enough to make the page of the tome she was carrying illegible, she tried to whisper the words to release a burst of divine magic on whatever it was that was stalking her. Ohhh, she did not want to die! Thinking that gave her concentration and strength she hadn't thought she had, and the magic leapt into her mind. Yes! She would show them!
The rustle came from the very edge of the clearing this time, punctuated by the swish of a branch as it snapped back into place. Serra whirled around, as graceful as a dancer, letting her spell loose in a flurry of dazzling light and power--
Which exploded directly around Erk's face as he emerged from the surrounding gloom of the forest. He hunched his shoulders and winced, but didn't do much to ward off the attack. When the last traces of light had faded from around him, he lifted his head and stepped up to her.
"Serra. Here you are." She stared at him in disbelief. "I was beginning to think I'd never find you."
"Erk... you..." She looked at him and at the scorch marks left on his clothing by her spell. "Oh! You... the spell--"
He waved it off. "I'm not badly hurt. I probably deserved it. Just don't do it again, alright?"
She nodded, before she remembered herself. "Ah! Wait-- you were the one who said nobody would care if I disappeared. Why did you come looking for me? To gloat?" She glared at him, feeling another bout of tears coming on. "Well I am quite upset enough by this. You probably arranged this with everyone just so you could upset me..."
Serra sniffed, feeling quite annoyed at the sniff. It had interrupted her sentence. Turning away so he could not see her cry, she waited for him to start sneering at her, or insulting her, or whatever it was that nasty mages did when they had won.
"Serra, I did not come here to gloat. I came to find you." He didn't sound like a person who was sneering, but it was probably just an act. "I was worried when I saw you weren't there." He took in a breath as if he was going to say more, but let it out in a sigh without another word.
"Did anyone else worry?" She could hear the leaves around his feet rustle. That meant he was fidgeting; fidgeting meant no. "Did they even realize I was gone?"
"I'm sorry I said that," was his answer. "I'm sorry I ever let myself say that. I didn't want to upset you, but I'd never upset you before. I didn't think you would--"
"Oh shut up!" she cried. "I know you hate me! You never want to be around me, you complain about me to everyone else, you and Matthew are always trying to dump me on each other. Do you think I don't notice all that?" She drew in a shuddering breath. "But I thought... I thought you didn't mean it, so I never paid attention... Well now I know what a nasty, mean, awful mage you are, so I just want you to point me back in the direction of the camp! I will get there on my own!" She waited for him to say 'that way' and leave, or cackle. She waited for several long minutes, but nothing came from him.
When he finally did speak, his words were even quieter than usual. "I am not leaving you out here by yourself. I've got a spell that will guide us back to camp--"
"I don't want your help! Your stupid spell would probably lead me into a bear cave or a bandit lair or someplace awful, just so you could get rid of me once and for all!" She took a deep breath before continuing. "Don't think I don't know you'd all be happier if I wasn't there. That's... why nobody came... to get me last night..." At the thought she began crying again, so she took a deep breath in and held it, hoping to make the sadness go away. She did not want Erk to hear her crying. "You all want me gone," she whispered.
The crunch of leaves behind her announced Erk moving; Serra had not expected him to move toward her, though. Three sharp footsteps broke the silence before his hand grabbed her shoulder and turned her around, his grasp only as tight as it needed to be to turn her. He was frowning, but he didn't seem mad, only frustrated. He also didn't seem as if he liked seeing her cry. She didn't have any time to react before he spoke.
"Don't you ever say that again," he told her, grasping her other shoulder and shaking her slightly. "How can you think that? Hector had two chances to leave you in Ostia, didn't he? Why didn't he, if we all want you gone?" She looked at her feet. "If that's the case, why did I just spend over an hour looking for you? Why is the entire bloody army waiting for you before it moves off?"
He sighed. "You are annoying," he said, letting go of her. "You are annoying and loud and clingy. You think you are entitled to order everyone in the army about, and what's more, you actually have the nerve to do it.
"Yet," he said, bending his head to look into her eyes, "yet, I have just spent an hour and a half looking for you in these woods. Oswin and Hector check on you at least once every battle, don't they? When Matthew stole those sweetmeats last week, he shared them with you. Indeed," he added, "I don't actually remember seeing him eat any of them. Why do you think we do these things, Serra?"
She looked away. He pressed the point. "If we wanted you to leave us alone completely, to just be gone, we wouldn't be nice to you. We wouldn't look out for you." She sniffed loudly and stared up at him. They had done all those things, hadn't they? She'd forgotten. They were always looking out for her, all of them.
"Do you really mean it?" she asked. "You really don't hate me?"
"Really," he replied, unhooking his cloak. "You're an awful sight, are you aware of that? You have twigs all over you, and there's a leaf in your hair." He pulled the offending leaf off of her head before putting his cloak around her shoulders. "I didn't mean what I said yesterday. I lost my temper with you, that was all." She stopped sniffling. He didn't hate her; none of them did. She pulled her handkerchief out of the pocket in her robe and wiped first her eyes, then her nose, with it, even managing a smile for Erk when she finished.
"Good," she told him. "I don't want you to hate me." She paused before admitting, "And I know that you're not really madly in love with me. Or that I don't really have the right to be ordering you around." As hard as it was to say, it seemed to be the right thing just then. She swallowed another pesky lump in her throat before asking, "So, if I stop, you won't hate me, ever, right?"
He helped her fasten the tie on his cloak while he answered. "You've been doing it for a year, and I don't hate you now, do I? I don't see the problem, as long as you give it a rest every now and then." He considered something. "'Erky' has to go, though."
But it was such a cute name for him... Oh well. Erk liking her was better than Erky not talking to her.
"Alright, Erk. So you're still my friend?"
He nodded, brushing a few twigs off the top of her head. "Of course I am, and I will always be so. I'll stay by your side and make sure you don't go missing again." He stepped back and opened upa scrap of paper. "Now, as I mentioned before, they're all waiting for us, so if we could get back to the camp--"
She jumped up. Ah! They would all be so mad at her! Matthew and Hector would pine, and as for poor Sain-- She simply couldn't bear to put him through such torture!
"Yes! The camp! We must return at once! Well, come on, what are you waiting for? We have to get--" She realized what she was doing and stopped talking immediately, wondering if Erk would be mad again. Oddly enough, he wasn't. He merely shook his head, a faint smile appearing on his face.
"As you wish..." he murmured. "I must activate the spell to guide us back. Wait a moment for it, could you, Serra?"
She smiled back, relieved. He held the paper up and began to chant. Motes of light gathered around his other hand, hiding it from view.
"If I must," she told him, "but be quick! How far away are we?"
Erk threw a glowing hand into the air; it left behind a similarly glowing orb which grew to the size of a clenched fist and floated a few paces in one direction.
"No more than half a mile," he told her, studying the orb, "and to the northeast." He held out his hand for her. "Come on. The footing is treacherous here. You should be careful."
She took his hand and let him help her over the log. The orb floated in front of them as they walked. It was considerate indeed of him to help her like that. She remembered the Lightning spell she'd cast and held out her staff. The crystal on its top began to glow, and Erk's face relaxed.
"You were hurt," she accused him.
"I was not hurt badly. A summoned burst of strength relying on holy power is not going to have a significant effect on a conduit of terrestrial energies such as myself."
She stared at him blankly. What language had that been? 'Holy power' she'd gotten, but the rest was just bizarre.
He sighed and amended his sentence. "Light magic does not work on mages."
They began walking again, arguing as they did so. "Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place? Besides, you were hurt."
"There's no point in being a mage if you can't confuse other people," he told her, in the sort of tone that suggested she was never going to understand and he knew it. "That's half the fun of it. Besides, the spell wasn't that strong. I've had far worse from shamans and archers and metal-encased lunatics."
"Well, excuse me for worrying! I just knew that even if you were hurt, you wouldn't tell me!"
"Oh? I suppose it's because I'm so antisocial, and secretive, and dark, is it?" He folded his arms in front of him, a crooked smile on his face. "Tell me, if I'm so dark, why don't I use dark magic, like Canas?"
She smiled too, as she replied; this was far more like it. Him being sensitive and nice and thoughtful and worried was all very well and good, but it was still a relief to have the old Erky-- ah. No. Erk.
Yes. That was it. It was a relief to have the old Erk back.
Even if he was mean sometimes, or avoided her, or asked Matthew and Sain to watch her, she knew he'd never abandon her completely. He'd be there if she needed him. Any of them would. That was what friends did: they were there when they were needed. Friends like Matthew and Hector and Oswin and Erk.
Serra didn't have to worry about anything at all.
Yay! A oneshot! I like feeling as if I actually finished something.
As I said, massive credit to Sardonic Kender Smile for catching all those things that made sense to me but would throw other people. She also helped me to improve the ending and keep Erk and Serra in character. sound of clapping
Almost the entire first scene is a paraphrase of Erk and Serra's A support, with Erk's thoughts and a few lines of dialogue added in. The book about wyverns is from Canas and Vaida's A support: the 'dark-scaled' bit isn't really in the game but it's my answer as to how a cold-blooded reptile would be able to fly at high altitudes without becoming lethargic: their scales absorb as much heat from the sun as possible. I know: you don't care what I think about wyverns in the stratosphere. I just felt like explaining it. I'm weird.
I have tried hard not to make this a romance fic, mainly because I just can't see that pairing. The support this is based on is the most aggravating one to get in the game; it took me about three hundred turns of them standing right next to each other (or it felt like it, anyway). Even if you do get the A support, in the character endings he views her as an unwanted distraction. I prefer Erk/Nino and Serra/Sain. Indeed, I subtly snuck them in there. xP
That's enough of my random nonsense. Thank you for reading. grins