Lara Croft and the Golden Doritos

Chapter 1

"Lara! The snipers are shooting at us from o'12:00!" shouted the Monopoly Man. "Quick! Throw me Justin Beiber! Ill use him as a shield!" "Quick Justin, use your almighty BABY! To deflect the bullets!" All of a sudden the Monopoly Man shouted "ice cream!" and Lara dropped Justin Beiber on the ground, where he rolled down a hill into quicksand. Meanwhile, parents were buying radio-active acid, to cure their daughters (and sons) of the deadly and contagious BEIBER FEVER! Also while Agent Krycheck is breaking into a high-tech security government facility for salvaged UFO's, desperately trying to find a safer alternative cure for the Beiber Fever, than dumping acid on them that turns them into mutants!

So, while Justin Beiber is slowly sinking into the quicksand, Lara Croft and the Monopoly Man, were enjoying there turd colored lollies. Once they are finished, they look over to see zombie-mutant teenage girls heading towards the quicksand Justin Beiber is sinking into! "OH THE HORROR!" Lara screams. "HE WAS SO RICH!" shouted the Monopoly Man. "Aaahhem, I mean young, of course…"

Alex Krycheck is not aware of the things beyond that quarantine door, what he finds is amazing. "AAAAHHH! He screams as the aliens are taking him inside the UFO, "NOT A PROBE!" The Cigarette-Smoking Man(csm) found him huddled in the corner, rocking and sucking his thumb. He had his best people on watch, to search his pockets, and they found the cure. CSM wailed in victory "OH YEAH! I GOT THE CURE TO THE BEIBER FEVER! UH HUH!" Then (I must warn you x-file fans, this image will stick with you forever) The CSM, ripped his shirt off, and did the Macarena, on top of the UFO, where he was unaware of the top class sniper, videotaping him.

Quest for that embarrassing video tape: Chapter 2

"Lara Croft reporting for duty SIR! Now what might you have me do for you today?"

Csm: "I need you to retrieve an embar- a video tape for me"

Lara: "yes sir', who might I find it with?

Csm: "Alex Krycheck"

Lara: "right on it sir'"

So Lara loaded her m16, put on her boots, and set off to find Krycheck. A she treaded through the snowy mountains of the Himalayas, David, the abominable snowman trotted out of his snow cavern. "YO! Wa'sup Dave?" Called Lara.

AB-snowman: "yo! Girl, how've you been?"

Lara: "Pretty great, how are the kids?"

AB-snowman: "oh, there just great."

Lara: "Well, nice seein' you Dave, gotta go find someone"

AB-snowman: "aren't we all, trying to find that someone"

Lara: "yeeaaahhh… well bye!"

AB-snowman: "see you!"

After for searching for 30 days, Lara was just about to give up,(mostly because she was about to become Lara 4 fingers) when she saw smoke, from a fire! She locked and loaded her gun and trotted off towards the smoke. Surprisingly, she wasn't that amazed at what she saw. There was a bunch of indians holding hands in a circle around the fire, while hopping up and down in a pattern like, left right right left right right, down. They were making odd noises, like beat-boxing, but in that creepy tone nobody likes… then she was shocked to see Krycheck, dangling from a tree over the fire! She took out her shot gun from her thigh-holster, and shot into the air, the Indians scattered. All of a sudden, Krycheck burst into tears and rocked back and forth like a baby. "uh oh, looks like he's scarred for life again." Lara said pitifully.

The Final Stand: chapter 3

So after Lara beat up Krycheck, like a bully, she forced him to tell her the directions to the Golden Doritos, after, of course, he gave her that video tape. They came to where Krycheck told Lara the Golden Doritos were, but it was a load of crap. "oh shoot(she meant for that to be a swear) Krycheck! YOU DANG ROTTEN LIAR!" she punched him in the face, then the stomach, then he burst into tears again. He said she had to knock on the tree 9 times, then it will ask you for a password. So she knocked "one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine." Then, out of no where, A three foot alien hopped out of the tree and landed in front of them. It screeched REEEAAAKAKLLLLEEEE!

And Krycheck peed a little she handcuffed him to the tree and said "REEEAAAAKKKAYAYALLELELEEEEE!" And the alien went over to Krycheck,(who started crying AGAIN) melted his handcuffs and carried him off. That was when Lara got her Golden Doritos. ~caterpillars!

*if I possibly offended anyone, I didn't mean to. I do not own Doritos but they are delicious.J