I do not own Twilight
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."
~Herman Hesse~
The pack held the coffin high on their shoulders, with their heads held high. They knew he would want to be remembered in all the grace as that he lived in life.
Embry's eyes were swollen, as he used the back of his free hand to wipe away the tears bundling in his eyes. This was a day he never thought conceivable. He was about to say goodbye to his most precious best friend. His heart hurt from deep within and he knew his life would always be void of that shoulder he could always lean on, that warm voice he could always depend on when he needed it most. They had grown up together, they had been inseparable, they had been like brothers… they were brothers.
Quil felt his throat go dry as they neared the altar. The smell of all the fresh flowers burned into his senses and he realised he would, from now on, hate the smell of them. They were fresh, alive, vibrant, and beautiful, just like his friend had been, not nearly a week ago. The burden of the wood digging into his shoulder did not bother him one bit. The wood dug deeper surely to leave a mark, a bruise, a scar, but Quil didn't care. He carried his friend, with a heavy heart and bloodshot eyes. Truth was Quil would have carried his friend to the ends of the earth, if he would have asked him. He wasn't heavy… he was his brother.
Sam couldn't bear to look at the woman in the seats, her black eyes piercing through him so insistently. He could feel her eyes gouge into the back of his head, as he hoisted the coffin off his shoulder and with the help of the pack lay it down on to the white sheeted altar. He ran his huge hand over the rosewood of the box and clawed at the top, slowly bunching his hand, to make a fist. His body was trembling, though not with anger but from sadness. He had lost yet another brother to the turmoils of this life and he could not stop a damn thing. He couldn't stop his death and he sure as hell couldn't stop her pain. He stretched his hand out again and patted the wood, letting his brother know he would be there to look out for everything he left behind. His life, his wife, his children, his legacy. Sam would make sure his children never forgot the greatness of their father that lay still now, forever. Sam saw a tear drop on to the wood and wiped it from the glossy wood. Never in his years could he imagine such a heartbreaking moment move through him. He gulped as he held back a sob, turning to walk back down the aisle, nodding at the woman, whose face he couldn't bear to look at.
Her eyes were glossy and red rimmed. Her black hat, hung gracefully down her face, as her dark curls fell from beneath it. Her hands trembled as her son held onto her hand, with her daughter rubbing a thoughtful hand up and down her back.
"Mumma, it's your turn" Sarah said quietly to her mother, who had her eyes shut tightly, shaking her head trying to rid the awful image of the coffin on the altar. The picture sitting on the stand made her tear instantly. His warm smile, his eyes, his nose, his lips. They all belonged to her and now they were gone. She could never hear him whisper 'I love you' or 'I missed you' ever again.
It had been too soon. They were meant to grow old together; they were meant to watch their grandchildren running around in the back yard as they sipped on tea and laughed. They were meant to watch ever sunset and every sunrise. They were supposed to be at their children's weddings together. He was meant to walk their daughter down the aisle in a few years. He was meant to give his son advice on treating a girl the right way, on loving her and making her happy, just as he had made her happy.
"Mum, come on, we will stand next to you. We have to do this for dad." Her son, William said lovingly in her ear, trying not to let his voice crack.
She nodded and opened her eyes taking both the children's hands. She stood on shaky legs and they led her to the front. They stood beside her, trying to soothe some of the pain that was ripping through her.
She placed her hand on the microphone and angled it up towards her as she looked out into the crowd. Everyone had come to see him one last time. He had meant a lot to them, but not as much as her. He was her husband, her best friend, the father of her children, her solace, and her destiny and now he was gone.
She gulped and stuttered a moment before taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, trying to make the pain dwell just for a moment. She knew she had to do this. No one knew him like she did. No one could have. They all saw a fearless leader, a chief, a warrior. But to her, he was everything, everything she could have hoped, wished and dreamed for.
"I just want to say thank you to you all for coming today. I know this is hard on a lot of you but I am glad you are able to show him that we all loved him equally." She took another breath and wiped away a tear that fell down her flushed cheek.
"I met him the first time when I was 8 years old. He was only a 4 year old, snot nosed kid, but still he was convinced somehow I had come to his sister sleep over to spend time with him. He would constantly follow me around, with his stupid stuffed bunny rabbit, telling me I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, except for his mummy who was in heaven watching over him. I told him he was a fool and ignored him the rest of the sleep over" Her lips lifted a little remembering her husband as a young boy and his innocence. Her statement also earned few tears and chuckles from the pack seated in the front row, next to each of their imprints.
"I remember when we were in high school and he was a freshman. He asked me to his school dance, and when I asked him why he asked me instead of Suzy 'big tits' Carter, he smiled his famous smile at me and told me 'Because I only have eyes for the most beautiful girl in the whole school'. To his dismay I declined based on the fact that I was already going with Embry, who at the time, needed a girl like me, for status purposes and because of the fact I was the only girl he had talked to his entire life." Embry chuckled and nodded at her statement remembering his deathly fear of girls in high school.
"When we were older, he kissed me for the first time and told me that he had waited years for his first kiss and was happy it was me. I told him once again he was a fool. He smirked at me and told me 'better a fool in love, than a man without love'. He was the corniest guy I had ever met, but somehow we fit. I really don't know how to explain it, but there was just something right about us." Her face softened as her bottom lip trembled.
"Life threw a lot of things in our direction and we were able to overcome so much. We got married on the beach right here in LaPush and I couldn't believe how happy I was. I was the luckiest girl in the world, not only to find love once, but twice. He showed me that even though the world sucked and that it is constantly conspiring against you, when you have that one person that stands by you side, not as a leader, but as a partner, you both look in the same direction and that even though the path is dark, it is always worth it" She held back a sob, biting her bottom lip, as both Sarah and William, held her hand tighter, squeezing as though, keeping their mother together.
"When we had our children, he was so happy." She glanced at the two 18 years old next to her. "Your father was so proud of you, and nothing could ever change that. You were his sunshine and his warmth, you both filled our lives with hope, love and every emotion we thought impossible to feel after just laying our eyes on you to for the first time. You were his pride and joy and he would easily lay his life down for the both of you. I would too… and any of your uncles as well. We love you, your father loves you, and I love you…" She said squeezing their hands back.
"I know that all of you loved him, and he would be very happy that we have all come here together, to farewell him in our own ways." She looked over at the pack and nodded to them. "He loved you guys, he really did, you were all his brothers and no matter what we will always be one pack, one people, one tribe. Thought lines became tense I know in my heart of hearts that he would always wish well on you all. He was very happy to watch each and every one of you find love and have your own families and he is very proud of you all. Your presence honours him, and he will always be there for you all." The tears ran freely now, staining the front of her black dress.
"Lastly I just want to say, that no matter how angry or upset I was at him, I always loved him with all my heart. He was and is my heart. He never left my side and was my rock in my darkest days. You see, he was the one that made me believe in a happy ending and to be honest I lived a happy ending for the longest time. He was the only one that made my heart ache when he was away and the only one that could always find the light out of my darkness. He is my everything and I just want you to know-" She walked down to the casket and kneeled down in front of it clutching the wood tightly.
She whispered in a low voice. "I love you Jake, I love you so much baby. I love you so much it hurts now, knowing that you won't be waking up next to me. I just want you to know, I will never love anything as much as I love you. You're my sun, my light, and my new morning, my everything. I will never ever forget you, and I will be here waiting for you to come back to me. I will see you every night in my dreams; I will see you every time I look into our children's eyes." Her sobs couldn't be held back now as the pain held her down on her knees.
"I love you Jake, don't you ever forget that, and baby… I will be waiting for the day, I see you again." She kissed the hard wood and felt her body trembling. "Say hi to mum and dad for me… say hi to Billy and Sarah too. Tell them all I love them. I told Seth to save you a seat in heaven… baby you're my angel and I will love you forever. Don't ever feel bad for leaving us. We love you and nothing can ever change that. I have loved you since I was 8 years old; I even loved your stupid rabbit. My heart hurts Jake, but I know that you loved me with all of your heart too. I will see you again… I promise."
With that she got to her feet and stared down at the casket. She ran her hands over the rosewood and patted it knowing that one day she would see him again, and one day her heart would be whole again. Until that time, she would think about him every last day of her life.
Truth was Leah would always love Jacob Black. Problem had never been not loving him… the problem would always be trying to let him go.
AN - I dont know where this came from. It just came and I couldnt stop it. I have been on like a stupid writers block episode. I blame my Sethy lemon. Its messing with my mind. I tell you all now... It was easy writing my Blackwater Lemon's but this one... shit me! Hard as peanuts! Okay I am totally going to finish it and then I will update my other stories. I have been stuck on 'Antigonish' and have been collaberating with FantasyLover57, and we have great intentions for the story, but I just havent been able to pen anything.
Just something short and sweet... well not sweet but *lip trembles and wipes a tear away* You know what I mean!
But I promise guys, more chaps to my stories will be up either before or on the weekend. I hate that I cant get into the right mind set and frankly I am getting super pissed! Gah! Shot me now...
Please review and leave me all your goodiness and love! Sentinel loves you all! Also sorry for any mistakes, but I wrote this in like an hour... and it super late already! I hate work because I can only focus at night... and I think about my stories all friggin day! 0_0 Thats me, from lack of sleep! Hehe