Dear Diary
Wow that sounds such a cliché, doesn't it? No..not diary, you need more personality than that…hmm..how about Bill..eww..no, it sounds like I am talking to some middle aged, post man in trousers (don't ask where I got that). How about jack…no way.! Boy, I am so bad at naming things, I once had a cat named pussy, no wonder it threw herself under the bus!
Okay, now I am getting sidetracked, I tend to do that a lot. Dear what ever you name is ; by this time you probably must have gotten a pretty good impression of what kind of girl I am! Yep I am that girl in the class, who seem shy and introvert on outside but completely insane inside, I am Hogwarts own freak named Lilly Evans.
It's not like I try to be weird, it's just comes naturally. you see, I have a little tendency to be hmm…clumsy, for I am extremely absentminded and I fall at least 2 times a week, but unfortunately, its not the worst part, when I fall I tend to bring others down with me too. So you could imagine why peoples don't want to hang around me so much.
Poor Abi, she seems to the only one who could handle my everyday insanity. Abigale, she is my roommate and she is really nice to me, so despite the fact that she hangs around with her friends, I consider her, my best friend.
I know what you are thinking , "what a loser", isn't it… but let me tell you, I may be a loser, but I am not stupid. I always get the top grades, I follow rules and I am adored by my teacher. If you think that is not the criteria for not being a loser, then SUCK IT….!
Look…I didn't mean to shout..it just that, I am talking to a book! Seriously a girl can get pretty frustrated if she is desperate enough to talk to a book… Ok..Sidetracking again, tell me when I does that, if not, you will be finished sooner than necessary. So where was I , ah..The incredible life of Lilly Evans..!
If my life wasn't pathetic enough for you, I have one more factor to add and that is the saddest part of all. Dear xxx (I decided to call you that until I find you a suitable name) I am in love!
Most girls would have been thrilled to find themselves in love, but not me. For me it's the worst thing that could have happened to me, why you ask? Because, I am in love with James potter!
Ahh..James.. He is the most amazing…brilliant…intelligent…good-looking and the funniest guy in this whole wide world. Just thinking about him makes me giddy.. Hmm... and I could defiantly spent a eternity thinking about him..
it would have worked out great, if not for the small glitch in my love story..the said James don't even know I exist. Ok, maybe he does, but in a "oh- the – weird- girl- in-class- who- I- wouldn't – even- touch- with- a- 10foot-pole-" kind of way.
Yeah he is a Quiditch star, the most popular guy in the school, got amazing looks, brilliant in everything he does and in no way in hell, he would date someone like me, but hey…a girl can hope, can't she? I mean, I can't help it, every time he walks by, my heart flutters and a delicious shiver pass through my spine and oh, that smile, a girl could die for a smile like that…you know it's the only reason I go to quiditch matches, when he get of his broom with that wild hair and that victory grin..i literally melt to a goo, everytime..(may be that why, I never understood the game, I never see what the others does)
If you think that is worse, then I have more, I think I may actually stalk him too. I mean, I am taking every class he is taking, even though I hate arithematry and transfigaration, I wake up early every day so that I could have breakfast with him (more like in the same room, he will kill himself before he eats with me) and I give up free periods so that I could watch him and his friends under the beach tree.. do you think it's creepy?
Yeah, you probably would, but let me make one think clear, I may be a loser and I may even be a little creepy, but what I am not a bimbo like the other members of fan club.. you see, because of the above mentioned qualities of James, I am not the only one who is in love with him, there is half of Hogwart's female population is (the other half is for Sirius) and they made themselves a club and that is just stupid, I mean, how could a group of girl make a club to date him, for, in the end, who will?
But then again, they have more chances to date him than I do. You see…They are all the same, with long legs, big boobs, blonde hair and are willing to do anything to get inside James's pants and that, apparently is enough to get his attention. Every fortnight he and his friend Sirius will choose a girl form their respective fan club as their girlfriend for a week, it's disgusting…well, at least to me it is, as neither he or nor the girls are complaining.
Anyway..I think that enough of ramblings for one day, besides, one of my evil roommate is cursing me to welcome to the insane mind of Lilly Evans, you would be hearing a lot from me over the months(mainly because I have no one to talk to, I know, pathetic) as i throw temper tantrums, whining and dreaming about James and maybe even creeping you out. If you don't like it…sorry pal, you have no choice!
Yey morning, I love mornings as long as I get to sleep late, so yey noon would have been a more appropriate greeting. Anyway, today was one of those days which have brightness written all over it, but unfortunately nobody in 6th year could enjoy it, why? Because it was the last weekend before our final exams and everyone is busy studying including me. But I guess I have it better than many of my class mates as I have made my study hall in the 7th floor corridor, I always loved this place, it have widows that covered most of the wall and got a healthy breeze throughout the year, it was a perfect place to hang out!
So here I was walking around the corridor and studying the last chapters of charms when I suddenly bumped into a hard wall, that wasn't there a minute ago (I know what you are thinking, for a person who is as clumsy as me, shouldn't have walked around with my nose buried in book)
Confused and shocked I felt myself fell back unceremoniously.
I heard someone swear loudly and I looked up to see the love of my life, fuming out his head.
" what the hell, you stupid blind ass" he yelled angrily, massaging his chest
Ouch, that was painful
I scrambled up quickly with my face red with embarrassment. To think, with four boys before me atleast one have enough manners to help a girl up!
"sorry" I said quietly, looking down a to my books
"sorry..! thats the word I heard enough, seriously girl, don't you have eyes on that humoungous face of yours" Sirius yelled angrily
I glared at him angrily, ok, why is getting so anal about it, it's not like I bumped into him!
"now move over girl, we have better things to do than play bumbercars with you" james snapped as he try to push past me
"my name is not girl, it's lilly" I said softly, even though I was angry at him for being rude, I just didn't had the heart to yell at him
To this he actually laughed and not it a good jolly type of laugh but a cruel sarcastic one
"I don't care what your name is, hell I don't care you exit, but what I do care is that you are constantly around and bumping into us at every corner, can't you take a hint and leave us alone" he sneered cruelly as he came dangerously close and talked slowly as though I am retarded
I felt like my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. I know, I mean nothing to him but does he have to be so blunt…so cruel
"come on james, we have to go, lets not waste our time on this one" Sirius said impatiently as he pulled him forward
"she is such a freak " I heard Sirius mutter as they walk away and before they disappeared I saw james nodding to that
Pain weighed me down like a ton of bricks, why-oh-why did I had to fall for him of all the people in the school. He didn't even consider me as a flilth in his and here I was head over heels for him…god could this get any worse.
I was still in deep though as I turned to go back to common room when one again I bumped hard. This time when I looked up it was Remus, the 3rd marauder (he must have sneaked back here from his friends)
"now, that is not my fault" I said defensively, really how would I know, he come back
For a second, an amused smile passed his lips, but it was quickly masked by a scowl. I suppressed a sign inside me, I don't know what it is, but it's like a rule for the marauder's to hate me.
"Evans, (at least he knows my name) you should really stay away from them, take this as a warning, because the next time you cross them, you will be in big trouble" he said in threatening voice, it took all my strength, not to shiver at the menace of his voice.
"honestly Lupin (I was in strict last names bases with the marauders, one time I called Sirius by his last causing him to scream badly murder for half an hour) I am not doing this on purpose, guess I am naturally clumsy and you guys are just unfortunate enough to cross my way" I said helplessly
Again his eyes softened in amusement "just try to stay away from them Evans, it's for the best, believe me" he said with a sigh and walked away
I watched him go with a deafed breath, honestly I don't know how I end up in situations like this, its not like I don't know its unhealthy and I really need to stay away form him, but its hard, especially when I am planning our wedding in my head…god help me!
If I had hoped things would be better, I certainly was wrong, the 6th year exams came hard on us and we were like chicken in a slaughter house. It was excruciating, both mentally and physically. I was so busy that I didn't even notice if it was day or night, the books and notes became my pillow and you guess it, the library became my bedroom. Now contrary to popular believes, I hate library, don't get me wrong, I love the books but to think, copped up it that dusty place, sitting up and reading one of my books, it was horrible. When I read, I need room to breathe, to stretch my back and a place to fall asleep when tired…
After some long difficult weeks, my exams finished, I don't know how I did it, because I hate to review once the paper has finished. The train back home wasn't until day after tomorrow so it gave me ample time to relax and read one of my favorite books…
Relaxation was a tricky thing..did you ever get a feeling, when during exams you long for a minute of relaxation and when you finally get enough, it seem overrated! Hmm…I seem to be rambling again aren't I ? I can't help it, when I talk, I talk a lot, but it would have been helpful ,if I could talk even a little in front of james. Just like I said, life is a tricky thing…
In all my rambling, I think I am loosing myself again, it's seems crazy even to me that I am talking to a book, I just can't get the feeling out of my head, maybe if I give you a proper name, I would feel better…
I was busy thinking about all the possible names for my book when I felt some one beside me and greet me with a hello.
"hi," I said back carelessly without looking up. You see, only 2 kinds of people ever say hello to me, one, who wants to borrow homework form me and others, those poor idiots who are stuck with and have an attitude of "god-i-have-to-say-something-or-it would-awkward". So either way I wasn't that interested.
"what are you doing" asked the voice, somewhere above me.
"thinking a name for my friend" I said back without a thought, when I am cosentrating on something
"huh.." said the voice again, showing no signs of leaving. I was irritated, and wanted to be left alone so I looked up to shoo him away when I was met with a pair of hazel eyes, I knew those eyes from every as it belonged to one and only james potter
"thinking a name for a friend! That doesn't make any sence" he said as a statement as he sat before me
I groaned inwardly, for the first time in 6 years James have ever talked to me and I replied with the most bizarre sentence in the world…god I am such an idiot, why can't the earth split and I go down with it!
"hey…you are spacing out again" he snapped, waving his hands before me, snapping myself to reality
"What are you doing here" I asked, unable to keep my surprise and exictment away from my voice
"I wanted to ask you something" he said lazily with a smirk
Please make him ask me for a date, better yet make him ask me to marry him, I chanted moronically in my head as I looked questionly back with a polite interest.
"It's about our annual project" he began and my heart dropped in disappointment, of couse the stupid project, every year 5 of us would work on 5 subjects for the extra credits
"what subject, you want this year, I choose transfiguration, and Emily took herbiology, you could take either charms or portions" he said shortly
"I think I like charms" I said in a voice barely above a whisper, why is that I could go on and on about the craziest things in my book and I could string 2 words in front of him.
"I think you should take portions, frank wanted the charms and as far as I know you don't suck at portions" he said arrogantly
"ok," I said softly once again, it hurt me that he didn't thing my opinon matter but I was too lost in his eyes to protest.
"err…" he stalled as he looked around uncomfortable, but then some inspiration seemed to have hit for he looked back at me with a renewed vigour.
"er..how did the exams go" he asked abrubly and this time I was truly surprised, is he actually trying to have small talk with me?
"it..it..was good" I stammered stupidly, I don't know why, but for the love of god, I couldn't find my voice.
"hmm.. are you taking new classes next year" he asked souding like he too was struggling to keep the conversation going.
"no…7 is more than enough to keep me awake at night" I tried to joke but in my nervouseness my laugh came out like a hyena. This was going as bad as it could get.
We had few more of such painful conversations, but I didn't care, as long as he was there and I get to talk to him I die a happy girl.
"well bye then, see you tomorrow" he said at last as he stood up and went upstairs without even stopping for my replay, if I thought it was suspicious I didn't notice it, how can I? the love of my life just talked to me willingly without any cursing or yelling, hell, I wouldn't have notice if the room went a blaze.
That night, I slept like a baby with the biggest smile on my face, oblivious to the fact that good things always comes with a price….a price I was too weak to pay…