Zatanna held her breathing steady and peaked through her long black lashes at the man underneath her. She loved when they slept like this, he was a like a chiseled body heater, his impeccable muscle lined chest moving up and down with his quiet breaths was like a soothing cadence to her, the arms he wound tightly around her waist felt like….
"I know you're awake Zee," he mumbled through stiffly moving lips, interrupting her train of thought.
She rolled her eyes and sighed, "Then pretend you haven't noticed and go back to sleep," she said absentmindedly as she stretched sorely.
He pulled one his vice tight arms away from her waist and bought his hand to his face, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake up.
"I don't want to sleep." He said groggily despite the conviction he tried to work into the sentence.
Zatanna smirked, "Mmmmm, well we don't have to sleep." She suggested seductively, planting soft lingering kisses on his bare chest.
"I meant, I don't want to sleep if you can't because of your nightmares." He finished.
Zatanna pouted attractively, "Forget about nightmares, I can do things to you that you could only dream of. By the time I'm done with you, you might have to go sleep whether you want to or not." She threatened placing more kisses on his chest, slowly trailed up towards his neck.
Dick chuckled lowly and wrapped both arms around her waist again. "You know, there are some problems sex can't solve." He chastised her.
Zatanna laughed softly while she outlined invisible circles onto his chest. "I know that," she said sticking her tongue out at him playfully, "But you can't deny it's worth trying."
"No denial here." He agreed.
They continued to lay on the bed in a comfortable silence while they both knew it couldn't stay that way. Not if they wanted to get past this, and they knew they needed to get past this.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Dick asked as he rubbed soothing circles into her back. The muscles in her back tensed up anyway, and he resisted the urge to sigh.
She'd been having nightmares for weeks, it started in the hospital before she or the twins had even come home. She played it off in the hospital as postpartum anxiety and for a while Dick bought it considering how horrific labor had been for her but he soon figured out that something else entirely had to be the matter.
He knew now that her lack of sleep was because of her recurring nightmares. She would stop breathing in her sleep and wake up in a start. She was better at hiding it now though, but Dick knew every time he felt her heart stutter in rhythm and her breath pick up suddenly, that she was awake. He didn't say much at first, he knew first hand that sometimes nightmares just came with the lifestyle, the territory, and now parenthood but he could see that the lack of sleep was draining her.
Between taking care of the twins all day, which included breastfeeding all the time, managing the house alone because Dick had to go to work and adjusting the plans for her stage tour to fit their new lives, it was no wonder she was exhausted but with nightmares coming more frequently it was something new altogether; and they couldn't ignore it anymore.
"I'm just tired Dick," she said lamely.
"So tired you can't sleep," Dick repeated in a tone that made it clear he didn't believe her. Zatanna pressed her lips together and closed her eyes, feigning sleep.
Dick waited for her eyes to open back up or for a smirk to cross her lips, until he realized she was actually trying to fool him into thinking she was asleep.
"You're kidding, right? Really? C'mon Zee, I know you aren't sleeping. You snore," he reminded her.
Zatanna's eyes popped open and laughter rolled through her like an ocean wave. She slapped his chest playfully and rolled her naked body off of his and onto her side of the bed.
"Shut up Dick, I do not snore." She said through her fit of giggles. He pulled her body against his and pressed his lips to her forehead.
"How would you know, you're asleep when it happens." He wagered cockily.
She looked at him incredulously, "Because you're possibly the lightest sleeper I know, and considering you sleep better than the twins these days, I know for a fact I don't snore."
Dick smiled, his pearly white teeth visible thanks to the street light across the road peering into their apartment window, "Fine, you caught me." He admitted.
Zatanna sighed in quiet relief, "I know you Grayson," she bragged softly, running her free hand through his disheveled hair.
"Like I know you?" he countered.
Zatanna huffed out a big breath and tried not to regret it instantly.
"What's going on Zee, I can't help you if don't tell me." Dick said.
It was quiet for what seemed like an endless amount of heartbeats.
"I don't know if you could help me if I did tell you." She finally whispered.
"You can't deny it isn't worth trying." Dick reminded her, smiling down at her. Zatanna could help but smile (meekly) with him.
"The nightmares I've been having?" she started and then paused.
"Yeah?" Dick prompted her to continue.
"They're…..they're about the twins. You know, the day they were born…when I died." Her voice broke on the last word.
Dick nodded one hard nod, his lips pressed into a hard line. The twins' birthday was a day of mixed emotions for him, joy for the most part, but he'd never forget the not so brief moments when it seemed like anything but. The moment the doctor said the twins were stillborn, the moment Zatanna in her weakened state cast the spell that allowed them to breath, the same moment when Zatanna had gone into cardiac arrest, the moment she flat lined….no he liked to think of happier moments like the moment the twins started crying, the moment Zatanna started breathing again, the moment he got to hold the entirety of his new family in his hands.
"In my nightmare, I'm reliving it…..my death…..over and over again. But it's worse because It's like every night death gets colder, and closer, and more permanent this time. And I'm not…..I'm not ascending, there's no light, there's nothing and it's just dark and cold. And I'm alone and powerless and scared and then I feel it, the weight of the darkness and the loneliness…and death." She said rushing the words out, and trying to stop the tears she knew he could see in her eyes from falling.
Dick pulled her into him now, wrapping both arms around her; he could feel the cool tears falling unto his chest.
"And I'm so scared Dick, I am so scared." Zatanna confessed as she started to sob now, "I know…..I know that everyone dies and everything, you know? I've talked to ghosts, I've seen hell with my own eyes, but this was different. It was like…like….." she started sobbing again.
"It's okay Zee, it's okay." he soothed. "You're here now, with me and the twins, and you're okay."
It was morning when she realized she'd fallen asleep soundly in his arms.
It was the intruding sunlight that first woke her, she swore to herself she'd get thicker curtains for that window. She tried to tuck her head under Dick's chin but he started to stir. She quietly gave up on going back to sleep and pressed her full lips to his Adams apple.
Dick chuckled, "Good morning beautiful." He said although his eyes were closed.
Zatanna rolled her eyes and glanced at the clock on the nightstand, "You're so late to work," she told him expecting him to jump out of bed and rush into the shower.
"Yeah, I know." He said almost flamboyantly.
Zatanna cocked a brow at him in curiosity and Dick opened his eyes and smiled, "You were sleeping." he stated sternly. "I couldn't take my eyes off you."
Zatanna rolled her eyes, "Yeah right."
"I'm serious," he said kissing her forehead again, "I haven't seen you sleep so well in so long, I thought I'd savor the moment and take the day off."
Zatanna rolled her cyan blue eyes dramatically making sure he'd see the fanfare but it was unnecessary as he was already staring at her attentively with those doughy blue eyes of his that always got them in trouble. She wanted to stick her tongue out at him, tease him for being so 'mushy' as they'd coined it but she didn't…..couldn't. Not when she could see it so clearly in his eyes, his quiet obsession for her, his unwavering adoring fixation, and overtaking them all was his unshielded undying love for her.
"Thanks," she whispered against his exposed skin, his thick brows pulled together in confusion.
"For what?" he asked as he propped his head on his hand. Zatanna mimicked the action nonchalantly.
"For last night."
Dick wriggled his eyebrows goofily, "You're welcome but I think I should be thanking you for… well you know," he said suggestively. At that Zatanna had to laugh.
"Not for that, you idiot." She laughed trying to unsuccessfully push him away from her.
"For what then?" he asked grabbing one of her hands and placing it over his broad muscled lined shoulder.
Zatanna moved her fingers to the nape of his neck where she could play with his unruly hair. "For listening to me and comforting me…and you know liking me or whatever." She said in a small feigned dismissive voice.
Dick smiled, "Loving you," he corrected her. "And Anytime." He promised.
Relief washed through her like a tidal wave and warmth coursed through her body eagerly.
"Anytime?" she asked ruefully.
"All the time," he said surely but slowly trying to follow her train of thought.
"How about now," she said not giving him time to respond as she locked her lips with his with obvious intent. Dick caught on quickly and grabbed hold her, securing her to his body. Zatanna laughed at his eagerness and he pulled away kissing every part of her that he could.
"What?" he mumbled into her skin.
"I think I might love you Grayson." She said semi-seriously.
Dick put his hands on either side of her face and held her eyes in his. "Maye I'm the one dreaming." He said bringing his lips to hers.