Regular disclaimer...
Katara's POV
I don't know what went through my mind first: the name, the fact, or the pain.
By default, one would imagine that pain had been the first thing I had experienced. And I'm sure it was, but I could not seem to wrap my psyche around it. Whatever the reason, I felt no pain at all; especially not while being so wrapped up in my conscious.
Water conducts electricity. Be it the first or second, that was a very prominent line that fluttered behind my eyelids as they fluttered relentlessly with the pulsating surge of lightning throughout my body. Being a water bender, my entire body and spirit were lined with the influence of water. As such, I was just asking to be lit up in flames when it came to a fire bender's more talented abilities. Being, lightning. I was pretty positive about the fact that my entire body was more than likely scorched all over inside. Blood evaporated, lungs partially disintegrated...grotesque. I wanted to gag just at the thought. However, I did not fully know about this myself, but I imagined that was how it was.
And then, there was Zuko.
I don't think I have ever felt so much self-hatred in a single, solitary moment until now. I remembered all those times I had felt such a deep distaste for the Fire Nation Prince, and I immediately regret every word, action, and reaction that had ever transpired between us. At the time, all of those things seemed logical, accepted even, but now I realized just how wrong it all was. How was I to know he had truly changed without a test of faith on his part? How was I to know he would try to jump in front of me and take the brunt of his own sister's lightning to try and save me?
How was I to know when my heart started beating for him?
How was I to know when I finally started loving him?
To be truthful, I blamed it all on Yon Rha. In my frazzled brain, I supposed that the hunt for my mother's murderer was what did me in. Zuko had been...well, perfect. He held no hatred, no misunderstanding, no judgement. He took me where I wanted because I needed it. He didn't stop me because he thought it was wrong. He didn't take me because he thought it was the best thing in the world. He took me for me. And I guess all I truly wanted out of the ordeal was acceptance of my faults. Though I had suspected it would come from Aang, I had actually received it from the best candidate.
And when Aang congratulated me on not killing Yon Rha, Zuko had stood by me when my brain spiraled out of control and I could not fathom whether my choice was the right or wrong one. He simply agreed that it was my compassion that let the man live, and it was my heartache that made me strong. He did understand the drive to kill the man, but he never said my murderous desires were correct or incorrect.
He gave me everything I wanted without my even knowing what I needed.
So, I suppose I had loved him without even realizing I had ever loved him at all.
I guess that was what made life so difficult. It was the late realizations that meant the most, and the early realizations that meant the least. My hatred versus my love.
And now, I never would get the chance to say it or prove it.
Or was my life enough?
I would never know.