"Hey guys!" Neville whimpered, avoiding eye contact as he trailed into the Gryffindor Common Room with jam in his hair and lipstick all over his face.
"OMG!" Chorused Harry, Ron, Dean and Seamus.
"Neville! You've been with a boy!" Harry squealed, almost knocking over his bottle of Essie miu-miu pink nail polish.
"What?" Said Neville, startled. Then he laughed. "No I haven't!"
"Aye ye have!" Seamus protested, pulling away from Dean and furiously pointing at Neville. "You've been with Severus Snape, me and me mam seen ye eyeing him up during potions!"
Neville shook his head now, straightening his vulture hat.
Ron gave a triumphant gasp, flailing his arms, mouth a glittery red O. "Neville Frank Longbottom! You've been with a GIRL!"
The boys all clutched each other, screaming in joyful outrage and flapping their arms.
Neville went red with a blood blush, bending over his drawers and fiddling with his dress made of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum.
Dean began to cry, he was so excited about this piece of gossip.
"Neville Longbottom, straight!" He said as though straight people were extinct.
"What was it like?" Harry gaped, lightly touching Neville's leg.
Neville weeped. He was rather awkward and didn't like these odd, Disney Channel-watching, bronzer-wearing fifteen year old boys gaping at him.
"It was a lot of fun but she was a masochist so I had to torture myself for her by pouring hot oatmeal on my face and drilling nails into my head." Neville murmured, delicately playing chess with Trevor.