BLACK ROSE
Chapter One
He didn't want to live. But he couldn't die. He was only able to die by Voldamorts hands. It was cruel to him. He watched as his precious people fell around him. How could they expect him to handle it? He is 16! A child. But he had no childhood. He was never a kid.
He doesn't think he will be able to make it through this year. He handed in another empty parchment for an essay today. He doesn't remember the class they had learnt the question. Hermione had yelled at him again. He had gotten distracted by the crows caught in her hair. How do they do it? Trapped.
Ron shouted at him today when he was caught burning some text book in the fire place. He couldn't help it. He was cold. The fire had stopped radiating heat. How is it that fire could radiate cold. He was shivering- he needed a fix. It had been a day. How could he forget? That would warm him up.
Harry Potter stumbled up to his dorm room. Shivering he grabbed the blanket from his bed. He muttered a spell that would open the drawer. The draw popped open. He found his stash, a clean needle, some substance already loaded. He lifted up his sleeve exposinging multiple track marks. Sighing as the crack took way his pain and shacking and left him numb. Numb to float around in an empty abyss. A gasp interrupted his bliss. Harry extracted the needle from his arm and shoved it under his pillow while kicking the draw shut. A click let him know that it had been locked. Looking wildly around his heart sunk as he say a blob of red.
He fumbled for his glasses which he had discarded to the bed. Giving up in the search , Harry took his belt off the top of his arm.
"…Harry?" Called the blob. Right the person- how that slipped his mind was fuzzy. "HARRY?"
"Mhhh, ya." A drop in the bed was the only warning before his glasses were shoved on his face. The blob became a person. The person became Ron. Shoot. Something was said he couldn't catch the words. They floated in and out. What would happen if you could just float in and out of existence? "HARRY?" a hand got waved in front of his face. He caught it to make it stop. "Yes?" he said to the hand. It was freckled and warm but pale. "Are you alright man? Bloody hell what did you do to yourself?" The hand was attached to Ron. Right drugs, mustn't let Hermione know she will know the stuff- its muggle. "Mm fine Rooon, I didn't do anything."
Ron reached and dragged the syringe from under the pillow. "What is this Harry? Is this why you have been acting odd. What are you doing to yourself mate?" Harry grabbed the object from his friend and placed a plastic tip on the end. "Its nothing. I'm fine. PLEASE drop it." His hands holding his object dropped to his lap as he whispered. "Don't be angry, it helps." "HELP? I HARDLY RECOGNISE YOU?" Ron yelled. Harry saw red , this was meant to be his time- HIS time. How dare Ron smash and ask and – what right does he have. "WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE? IM DOING SWELL AND I DON'T NEED YOUR … YOUR-." "Help? I don't understand." Ron shook his head and started towards the door. The door slammed shut before he could leave. "Don't Ron." "Don't what, leave- help- figure this all out." Harry ran his fingers through his hair . Crows could nest there- its messy and tangled and- HERMIONE! "Don't tell Hermi…hermai..herm-." "Hermione? Hell are you trying to say Hermione?" Ron banged his fist on the door. "DON"T TELL HER! Don't tell Hermy anything- I mean it."
He watched as his red haired friend nodded his head against the dorm door. A whispered 'Fine' was all the confirmation he got. He let Ron go. HE wouldn't go after him. They are safer with him out their life. The first mega rush was subsiding and he could think better. Not best but a pleasant rush. The Extacy part was becoming shorter. He needed to start loading more. He thought back on what happened. He was numb. NO THAT WRONG. He did this. He could feel his skin crawl. Bugs- maby they would eat up his circulatory system? But he did something wrong. Ron. Ron is angry at him. Its his fault. He is going to ruin their live. He's a monster. The bugs are annoying him now. Harry went to the barthroom. Water was splashed on his face. Cool down my eyes. They are warm. Water- its from the basin. I have forgotten how to cry.
The mirror showed a shrunken face, red rimmed eyes. His hair dripped the water to the floor. Drip, splash- echo. Like him. A echo. He scowled the mirror face scowled. It was judging him. He punched it. PAIN. He punched it again. A rush. The bugs went into a frenzy. Skin crawling and hands throbbing. Harry smiled. He was alive. He deserved this. The numb took away the memories and the feeling attached to them. Pain assured him that he was not yet dead and why. He loved feeling- not remembering or hearing the lost voices. With bugs in his veins and pain in his system he was in ecstasy! Maybe this time it will last. He left for class.
He noticed that Ron had been watching him. Hermy had yet to confront him so she doesn't know- wasn't told. People looked at him oddly. They didn't know. Its not like he didn't smile or laugh. Just not when he was sober. Nothing was funny then. When the bug helped him and the pain grounded him- he saw the humor, the light. Laughter was easy when he knew he was being punished. Luna looked at him sadly at times. Why? Life was great! Someone urged him to eat. Why? He had had a big lunch. They said that was two days ago. But he was still full! They must have been lying. It doesn't matter. He laughed at them. "I'll eat later." He didn't.