I would always feel myself regretting the decisions I had made when I was younger. Though, there was one part of my life that I couldn't find myself regretting. My son Amery. And as I sit here on the plane with my 4 year old son I can't help but bring back the memory..
I was fourteen, young, rebellious and very naive. Casius was 17. My mother resented him, and there were no exact words to how my father felt. I wasn't even sure if I loved him, or If it were just the fact that I would be disobeying my parents, but he had gotten me pregnant the summer of my fourteenth birthday. I had managed to keep it a secret for as long as I could, wearing oversized hoodies and tee shirts, fearing that if I told Casius, he'd leave me. By the fifth month it had become almost impossible to hide, and Casius was becoming more and more doubtful. Morning sickness had increased to levels I couldn't even bare anymore.
I decided to tell him, reguardless of what he'd think. I realized that lying to him was the worst thing I could've done. I sat outside under the huge willow tree in my back yard.
"You said you wanted to talk?" "Yeah, although you might not like the topic." he grabbed my hand and sat down beside me. "Casius, I'm pregnant." He let go of my hand and stared deep into my eyes. "Are you sure..?" "I've never been more sure of anything in my life." He put his hand on his forehead. "Who's the father?" "You." "That's not possible, Bella..we didn't do anything." I stared at him with my mouth agape. "Yes we did, Casius." "Look Bella, I understand how much you want me to be the father, but I can assure you nothing happened between us to make that true. I'll support you, in whatever way I can..but I can't sit here and play baby daddy. I have a reputation to uphold, and well being a father isn't exactly going to help that." I rolled my eyes. "So you're going to pretend that nothing ever happened, so you can protect your reputation?" "Who's pretending?" I stood up and began walking to the door. "Was any of it real, Casius?" "Bella, you're my life right now, but if you can't be if you're going to try to convince me that I knocked you up..I'm sorry but I don't need a pregnant girlfriend." I spent the rest of that night crying, and ripping up every picture of me and Casius that I could find. I was stupid for believing his lies, and that was a mistake I couldn't take back. My mother was right, he was no good, and was only looking to hurt me.
I spent those four months alone, I had told my mother about my pregnancy, but she didn't want much to do with it. Casius had moved three weeks after Amery was born, so there wasn't much to worry about, still I wished that he wouldv'e put fourth more effort in raising him.
I dropped out of highschool in tenth grade in order to raise Amery, my mother had said she was done helping with my mistake. I lived in the house, but no one really paid me much attention, I was pretty much a fly on the wall. My father would help watch Amery while I worked, but that was about it, no outside communication whatsoever.
When Amery had turned four, I realized that living in Phoenix wasn't going to work in the longrun, so i had decided to fly me and Amery to Washington to live with my aunt Michelle. And so our new life would begin..