You Don't Know Her
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just like playing in other people's sandboxes.
Rating: K+ to T for language and mentions of habitual cutting
Characters: Zack Allen, Michael Garibaldi, mentions of Amy Steelman (OFC)
Description: Zack is trying to deal with Amy's absence, and Michael's opinions are really getting on his nerves. Songfic. Annoyed!depressed!angry!Zack
A/N: Just a little one-shot courtesy of Brantley Gilbert's "You Don't Know Her Like I Do" and my imagination. It doesn't exactly line up with the song's meaning, but I guess you could say it's one interpretation. I'm working on Amy's story, but it's slow-going. First Babylon 5 fic posted, ever! Reviews are love, people! Song lyrics are in italics.
Hey old friend, thanks for calling
It's good to know somebody cares
Yeah she's gone, but I don't feel like talking
It might be just too much to bear
To hear somebody say it stops hurting
Or to hear somebody say that she ain't worth it
Cuz you don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
And you don't know what we've been through
Yeah, that girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I got to lose
You don't know her like I do
Zack had just collapsed onto the couch in his quarters when the chime sounded, letting him know someone was at the door. He didn't feel like getting up or having company, but he knew he at least had to answer the door.
"Who is it?" he called, rubbing his temple with one hand to stifle the headache he felt coming on. All he wanted was to be left alone in his misery; since Amy had gone to Earth without so much as telling him she was planning the trip or saying goodbye, every bit of joy he'd felt the last few years had disappeared.
"It's Michael," came the all-too-familiar voice of the security chief, which made Zack grumble as he sat up.
"Come on in," he replied, not bothering to get up as the door opened and his boss strolled in. "What's up, Chief?"
"Just checking up on you…you've been pretty quiet since Amy left, and to be honest, it's getting a little scary," he said, taking a seat opposite Zack on the couch. "You wanna talk about it?"
The younger security officer sat in silence, his gaze fixed on his boss and friend even as his mind drifted to the message he'd found waiting for him after she was gone. The part that killed him the most was that she was right about everything—he didn't have enough vacation time to come with her, and she needed that trip to Earth for closure on her past, to visit the graves of her children. She'd been near tears for the entire message, but she swore she'd come back to him as soon as she was done, that it shouldn't take longer than a week on Earth, that she loved him. It had been the first time she'd said those words to him, and he replayed the message every chance he got just to hear her say it again.
After a few moments, he realized Garibaldi was waiting for an answer, and he shook his head before leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he buried his face in his hands.
"Not really," Zack replied, his voice muffled slightly by his hands. "It's good to know you care, but I don't think I'm up for it."
I can't forget, I'm drowning in these memories
It fills my soul with all the little things
And I can't cope, it's like a death inside the family
It's like she stole my way to breathe
So don't try to tell me I'll stop hurting
Don't try to tell me she ain't worth it
Cuz you don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
And you don't know what we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I got to lose
You don't know her like I do
Michael shrugged at Zack's words like he'd expected them all along, which he probably had. A bad premonition settled into the younger man as the elder took a deep breath…he had a sneaking suspicion of what he was going to say, and if he was right, it was going to royally piss him off.
"Man, I get it, I really do…she took off without saying goodbye, and it hurts like hell. Look, I thought I knew her too—I thought she was a good woman—but for her to do something like that after everything you've done for her? She's not worth it."
Zack's blood boiled at the last four words; without saying a word, he got up and played the message she'd left for him the day she left. As her voice and words filled the room, he kept his eyes on Garibaldi; he was watching the message intently, studying everything in her tone and body language. When it had finished, the older man settled back in his seat and looked at Zack again.
"Look, Zack…I know you wanna believe her—hell, she almost had me convinced—but what kind of love do you know that would intentionally put you through hell like this?"
His words made Zack's mind reflect as he fought the impulse to shove his boss into the nearest airlock. Every moment since she'd arrived and he'd taken it upon himself to be her friend and guardian replayed in his head—the days and nights of grief-filled tears for the children she was robbed of, the nerve-wracking task of suicide watch, the quiet way she moved, the life that had slowly begun to appear in her eyes as months passed and her new bar flourished, the way she hugged him as if he were her only lifeline, the smiles that he was blessed to see. The memory of walking into his quarters two days after she was released from Medlab, where she'd been since her arrival at the station, to find her calmly slicing the inside of her forearms with a pocketknife and watching the blood fall with dead eyes, warred with the memory of her birthday party five months ago, of how bright, happy, energetic, and full of life she was, and how warm and tender she had been the first time they ever made love later that night. He knew her better than anyone alive, and giving him false belief that she was coming back wasn't something she would do; she was too honest and loyal for that, no matter what other faults she might have.
"The kind that'll bring her back to me," Zack replied, conviction edging his tone. Sure, it hurt like hell, but all the pain would go away once she returned, and deep down he knew she would do anything to make good on her word to come back to him. His words made Garibaldi's jaw clench as he stood up.
"Wake up, Zack! She's gone and you gotta let her go…she's not worth it, and you'll be a hell of a lot happier once you stop pining for her." He probably would've said more, but his back was suddenly slammed against the wall, fists clenched in his shirt, and he stared at the younger man who was glaring at him like he wanted nothing more than to burn him alive.
"You don't know her if you think she's like that…now get the hell outta my quarters," he hissed dangerously, shoving his elder roughly toward the door. Michael merely smoothed out his shirt, gave him a look that screamed you're gonna regret this when you realize I'm right, and walked out, the door automatically opening for him and closing behind him. Zack started pacing angrily once the door shut, stopping only long enough to grab a beer from the tiny refrigerator.
The beep of the computer told him he'd just received a message, and he ordered it to play. Instantly, a tidal wave of love and relief swept over him; it was Amy, telling him that she was on her way back to him. She said she had pre-recorded the message and was sending it just before take-off because she was afraid of being intercepted by Psi Corps or Nightwatch, but even if they weren't watching her, it was better to be paranoid and safe than careless and in trouble. He couldn't reply because it had been pre-recorded, but she gave her flight info and when she was supposed to arrive. At the end, she smiled and told him again that she loved him, that she would see him when her ship arrived in a few days' time.
The first smile in two weeks crossed his face; Amy was coming home to him.
No, you don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know what we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I got to lose
No, you'll never know how much I got to lose
You don't know her like I do
The End