For Erin99 who is being an absolute gem :)

Now this is not really a rewrite because they said it in the audio commentary for Animus. Hell, MARTIN WOOD said it so I'd like to think that it's close enough to canon for me to not feel bad about it. Not that I would, but still. For those of you who haven't seen it, apparently the "And you bathed, thank you so much!" comment had to be inserted because they were accidentally put in the wrong costumes for the day. After Martin explained this, Robin honest to god asked what they were doing that required them to shower and Martin (new favourite person, btw) goes "They were having sex." I'd like to think that legitimises this fic :)

I am so very thankful to the costume people who mucked it up.

"And you bathed, thank you so much!"

If she didn't have the ability to kill him, he'd have laughed out loud at that.

"Really Nikola, you reek! Science be damned, you need to bathe," she complained as she pulled him from the library.

"Helen, c'mon, we're so close, I can feel it!" he whined, breaking free of her grasp.

"No, what you can feel is four long days worth of grime. And I can smell it. Either you take a shower right now or I won't let you back in that room," she threatened, crossing her arms. He pulled a face and tried to sidestep her but she was too fast.

"I'm serious Nikola, you smell foul," she said, standing in front of him. They were barely a foot apart now and, when he tried to sidestep her once more, she threw out an arm, fingers splaying over his chest. "No," she said firmly, as if talking to a small child.

"Now Helen," he started, raising a hand to hold hers in place. "You're hardly being reasonable."

"Neither are you," she argued, making no move to reclaim her hand.

"Please," he whispered, stepping towards her, raising his free hand to brush against her jaw delicately. "Please."

Slowly, she leaned in until their noses were almost touching.

"Not in a million years."

He grumbled and rocked back on his heels, cursing under his breath and she chuckled.

"You are such a tease," he muttered but Helen felt victorious, after all, he hadn't tried to move around her again.

"Go. Bathe," she said dismissively, a small smirk in place.

"Why?" he whined. "You've seen and smelt me at worse so why are you complaining now?"

"Because I can," she answered simply, giving him a look that clearly said she wasn't going to be persuaded but his jaw was set and she let out a sigh. "I'll take one too," she conceded, knowing exactly where he'd take it.

His eyes lit up and she wasn't disappointed.

"My house has more than one shower Nikola."

"Yes, but yours is so much bigger and if it's bigger, I'll get even cleaner," he said with a salacious wink.

"Really? 'Size matters,' is the line you're taking?" she asked, raising an eyebrow, trying desperately not to laugh.

"I've nothing to fear of making such a claim my dear," he responded coolly, the twinkle in his eye sending shivers up her spine. "It is after all, one I can back up."

"Oh really…"

"Really. I'd be more than happy to show you."

"Have you ever heard of subtlety Nikola? I've heard that it can do wonders for ones cause," she said, shaking her head at him.

"I am not subtle Helen, not one single inch of me has ever been subtle and nor will it ever be."

"I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

His wide and dirty grin was her only answer.

"Shower," she said somewhat firmly.

"In yours."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes or I don't do it."

"Child."

"Please?"

She paused, glaring at him before sighing heavily.

"Fine."

Nikola's shock was more than evident but he seemed to recover quickly, grin quickly spreading across his features as he began walking towards her room. With an evil grin, Helen walked along side him until they came to a junction. He turned left and she turned right. It wasn't until he was at least halfway down the corridor that he realised she was no longer with him.

"Helen!" he called out, clearly disappointed. "You promised."

"I promised to take a shower if you did and to let you use my shower," she called back, still walking towards his bedroom and shower. "I never specified where I'd be taking my shower."

"Spoil sport," he cried as he hurried to catch up.

She simply smiled at him.

"The arrangements of our deal were clear. If you don't honour your end of the bargain, I won't honour mine."

"Be reasonable Nikola," she said, exasperated. "You promised to take a shower!"

"With you."

"At the same time as me."

"With you."

"Nikola…"

"Helen…"

"You promised to shower. Now go do so."

"No."

"I thought you were a man of your word."

"When it counts," he said with a smirk.

They both stood silently, sizing each other up.

With a disgusted sigh, Helen shoved past him, stalking away from him angrily.

"Helen, no wait! Come back! I'm sorry," Nikola called, starting after her. "There's no need to be so touchy," he muttered under his breath.

"So no shower then?" she asked innocently, looking over her shoulder at him, eyes wide. She wore a tiny, displeased pout and her dark hair was beginning to fall out of the clip she used to pull it back.

He groaned and hurried after her.

"You are a tease and a minx and I hate you," he muttered as together, they walked quickly towards her room.

"No you don't," she whispered huskily as she ushered him through the door.

"You're right," he said as she closed the door and he leant against her, "I love you."

"Shut up and kiss me."

With a devilish smile, Nikola acquiesced, devouring her lips with fever, his body pressing hers against the door. She responded with equal enthusiasm, arms snaking around his waist as she nipped at his bottom lip. He moaned against her lips before thrusting his hips against hers roughly. She gasped and his lips moved to the column of her neck. Taking her chance, Helen's hands slipped to his chest and, with an almighty shove, pushed him away. His eyes darkened with anger but she ignored him, sauntering over to the bathroom door.

"Shower," she reminded him softly, walking slowly across the room.

Bit by bit she undid her jacket and shirt, letting them drop to the floor as she slipped out of her heels. Placing a hand against the small of her back, she used her other hand to lower the zip on her skirt slowly. She could almost hear him stop breathing and she had to stifle a chuckle as she slipped it off her hips, letting it pool around her ankles before stepping out of it.

"Is something the matter Nikola?" she asked politely, turning to face him, shocked to find him completely naked. Her surprise must have shown in her face because he chuckled before closing the distance between them.

"Not at all."

Then his lips were on hers again, tongue discovering every crevice of her mouth, hands firmly on her hips, pulling their bodies together. When his head dipped to suck on her pulse point, she let out a gasp before remembering her hastily thought up plan.

"Shower," she moaned, tugging on his hair until he moved away from her.

"You always were goal orientated," he quipped as she dragged him into the bathroom. She made to lean over to the taps but he grabbed her waist, pulling her back to him. She looked as if she was about to protest but he wasn't going to let that happen. "We need to get you dirty first," he whispered in her ear, delighted when she shivered in his arms.

"And how exactly do you plan to do that?" she asked, pulling away so that he could see her darkened eyes. With a wicked smile, he shoved her against the nearest wall before sinking to his knees. With a grin of anticipation, Helen let her head fall back against the wall as her hand tangled in his soft hair.

His hands began to trace patterns on her upper thighs, forcing her to widen her stance. His fingers teased her, getting close but not close enough time and time again until she tightened her hand in his hair.

"I swear to God Nikola," she started but, just in the nick of time, he shoved aside the gusset of her panties and thrust his tongue into her folds. She cried out inarticulately and he moved one of her legs to rest over his shoulder. He withdrew his tongue, earning himself a disappointed mewl but when two fingers replaced it, she hissed with satisfaction. Nikola moved his lips to her nub, massaging it with his tongue before drawing it between his teeth. Helen bucked against him, calling out for him and he chuckled against her, making her moan and shudder. His fingers quickly found that spot within her and, as his tongue laved at her clit, climax overtook her and she came in a blaze of glory, choking out his name as she held him to her. It took her a few minutes to make her way through the euphoric haze but when she did, she was pleased to note that he was again standing, his body pressed against hers. After giving him a lazy kiss, she pushed him away, turning back to the shower.

Before he could protest, she leaned over and fiddled with the taps, coaxing out water that was hot enough to steam up the room in seconds. As she did this, Nikola's body followed hers, leaning over her as his lips found purchase on her neck, sucking away delightfully. With a moan, Helen pushed back until she could feel his skin on nearly every inch of hers. His body was warm and, for the first time in a long time, Helen realised just how human he was. His hands were on her hips, nails digging in as he pulled her closer. Together they stood up straight, Helen twisting in his arms to kiss him full on the mouth.

She gasped when her back hit the cool glass of the stall but, as Nikola's hand moved to cup her breast through the lace of her bra, she moaned, sagging into his arms. He chuckled smugly against the skin of her neck and that was enough to send Helen into action. Quickly, she pushed him away and into the shower, shutting the door behind him. He spluttered for a few seconds, jumping quickly out of the scalding spray, looking at through the glass with a mixture of anger and confusion in his eyes and she couldn't help but laugh.

"I hate you," he called over the noise of the water as he reached for the door.

"No," Helen said firmly as she held the door closed. "You are filthy and there is no way I'm getting in there until you smell a whole heap better." He rolled his eyes and tried again to push the door open but she held it steady.

"But who's going to wash my back?" he asked, giving up and stepping back under the water.

Helen put a finger to her chin, pretending to think it over.

"How about this. You wash everything else, and I'll do your back?" she offered with a sly smile.

"But Helen, I thought you were supposed to be thorough," he called back as he pushed his hair backwards, reminding her a little of the slick look he used to support.

"I never said I wouldn't double check," she chastised lightly and he chuckled before turning away to the soap sitting on the ledge. Taking advantage of his turned back, Helen quickly stripped off her underwear and bra before throwing a dark blue gown around herself. Just as she was knotting the tie around her waist, Nikola turned back, his face falling as he took in her covered body.

"You promised," he cried, looking crestfallen.

"If you aren't a man of your word, why must I live up to my end of the bargain?" she asked, turning away from him. The sound of water in the room got louder but before Helen could realise why, a warm, wet arm snaked around her waist, pulling her back until she met with a warm, wet chest. She was just about to scold Nikola but her protestation was cut off when he then pulled her into the shower, the hot water cascading over both their bodies. She spluttered and pushed away from him, turning to see his broad smirk

"Nikola!" she all but shrieked at him as she pushed her hair out of her eyes. "That was com-."

The kiss that cut her off was blistering and her anger melted away as he pulled her back into the stream of water. Their bodies were flush but it wasn't enough. Greedily Helen tasted him, hands exploring the hard planes of his body, dragging her nails down his back as he bit her bottom lip.

She was about to reciprocate the gesture when Nikola pulled back far enough to look down into her eyes. With a wide smirk he lowered his mouth to her chest, biting her breasts through the wet silk that now clung to her body. He latched on to a nipple and Helen moaned, grabbing on to his head. She felt rather than heard him chuckle but considering he continued his actions, she really couldn't care less. His hands moved from where they were splayed on her waist, holding her steady up to her shoulders. With surprising ease, his nimble fingers slipped under her wet robe and pushed the heavy silk down her arms, only moving to look at her when his actions impeded those of his lips. She groaned at the lost contact but, when his mouth descended on the other nipple, now free of fabric, she had to bite her lip from moaning more loudly than before.

His now shaky fingers began to work on the knot at her waist but he very quickly became frustrated with it, tugging on it furiously so that it ended up even tighter than before. With a laugh that resulted in a dark look, Helen pushed him away. Both of their fingers tangled as they pulled at the wet fabric to no avail.

"Screw it," Nikola muttered, spinning them around so that he could press Helen to the tiles. She whimpered as his lips found her neck again, nibbling his way up to her jaw and then back down to her pulse. One of his hands began to gently massage her breast as the other came to rest on her hip, holding her in place. One of Helen's hands moved to his shoulders, nails digging in as he bit down that little bit harder. Her other hand was still fiddling with the knot at her waist and, with a triumphant "HA!", it came free, allowing Nikola's hands to slide under the heavy fabric. She hastily pushed it from her body, wrapping herself around Nikola once finally free. His skin was slick under her fingers and his tongue in her mouth was oh so distracting but there was no way in hell she'd be repeating this so she knew she needed to make it count. Feeling along the wall blindly, Helen sought out the bottle of liquid soap she knew was there somewhere. When her fingers came in to contact with the familiar shape, she eased Nikola off her.

He looked hurt for a second but when she waved the bottle at him, his grin was just as dirty as her own.

"Turn," she commanded, grabbing the washcloth. With a deep chuckle, he fulfilled her request. She poured a generous amount of the soap onto the cloth, revelling in its soft, familiar scent for a moment before beginning to slowly rub the cloth across his shoulders. He shivered under her touch, making her resolve falter ever so slightly. Seeing Nikola almost vulnerable was a novel experience yet one she was finding infinitely enjoyable. His muscles rippled slightly under her touch and she heard his breathing even out. Stepping closer, she moved the cloth over one of his hips and around to his toned abdomen. His breath hitched at that and, as her body came to press against his, he let out a small groan, closing his eyes and turning his head so that his nose brushed against her temple.

"That is divine," he whispered softly and she had to smile. With small circular motions, she moved the cloth up to his chest, enjoying the way he stiffened slightly as the rough fabric hit his nipples. Deciding to tease him further, she stepped away from him so that she could run the cloth down his arms. With one hand she gently lifted his arm while the other made sure to wash ever inch of his wiry body. His eyes were still closed as she moved to the other arm and she marvelled at his complete trust in her.

Eventually, she moved to stand behind him again. Running the cloth once more down the length of his back, she sunk to her knees before gently washing his rather admirable ass. He shivered once again and she moved down to wash the length of his legs. He widened his stance slightly, allowing her access to his upper things. Carefully, she teased his inner thighs with small circles before switching to the other leg, running the soapy cloth from his ankle up and around to the other thigh. She could see all his muscles tense at her ministrations and she smiled softly to herself once more.

Slowly, she shuffled around to the front, washing down his legs once more before drawing random patterns over his hips. His erection bobbed in front of her face enticingly and Helen fought the urge to taste him just yet, reminding herself that if this was going to be a one of, she ought to make it last. She looked up, pleased to see his eyes shut, a blissful smile on his lips. But she'd stopped the progression of the wash cloth for a moment too long it seemed because his eyes fluttered openly slowly, his smile widening as he looked down at her, water cascading down her back.

With one hand he reached forward and cupped her cheek, running his thumb over her cheek bone. He brushed a few wet strands off her face and opened his mouth to talk but Helen shushed him.

"Close your eyes," she urged softly and with one last smile he did so, letting his head fall back. She picked up where she left off, washing the front of his thighs, slowly moving higher and higher until she was dancing around the base of his cock. Unable to resist any longer, Helen moved the hand holding the cloth to grasp his base, pulling the head into her mouth. He moaned softly as her tongue traced his slit and he moved a hand to knot in her hair gently. Letting the cloth slide away, Helen slowly took him inch by inch into her mouth, enjoying not only the clean, pure taste of him but the small noises of pleasure he let out too.

As she began to work him, she let one hand wander up his chest to brush a nail across his nipple. He gasped at the sensation, his free hand flying to catch hers.

"If you keep this up, my dear, this won't last very long," he whispered, looking down at her for the first time. Smiling around his cock, she continued with the suction he was clearly enjoying, increasing the tempo ever so slightly. He groaned at her before letting his eyes drift shut once more. She slowly massaged the underside of his cock with her tongue, loving the way he twitched in her mouth as she found all his most sensitive of spots

In a matter of minutes, Nikola was groaning heavily and Helen felt his entire body tense in anticipation of release. His hand on her head tightened ever so slightly in warning but she continued her actions, using her tongue in ways he apparently enjoyed very much. With her name on his lips, he came and she greedily swallowed every drop, continuing to work her mouth on him until she was certain he was clean. As she let him go with a soft pop, she leaned back to look up at him, taking in the complete satisfaction she saw in his eyes with a smug grin. He chuckled weakly at her before offering her his hand like a true gentleman. With a small smile, she accepted but the second she was on her feet, he was pulling her against him, kissing her passionately.

"You have a patience I've never possessed," he whispered in her ear darkly. "So you'll excuse me if I whisk you straight off to bed."

His hands skimmed down her sides, leaving a trail of goose pimples in their wake while his lips began marking her neck. Her body suddenly alight, Helen raked her nails up and down his back, causing him to moan once again with renewed pleasure. He thrust his hips against hers and she gasped, thanking whatever deity had granted him such an ability to recover. A small part of her mind wondered what his recovery time had been like as a vampire, considering the remarkable achievement now pushing against her belly.

"Already?" she breathed, snaking a hand between them to caress his length once more.

"Bed," he growled in her ear but, as his hand reached for the taps, she pulled away, giving him a pout reminiscent of that he'd given her earlier in the evening.

"But I don't want to go to bed," she said, her husky tone belying her indignant behaviour. He groaned again but his smirk increased her own small smile. "And besides," she whispered in his ear, "I'm still all dirty."

"Do not even start," she warned, not having to look over at him to discern the smug grin on his face.

"Wouldn't dream of it, my dear. I know how much you love to be the one to initiate."

She shot him a withering look but, as she turned away, she couldn't help the smug smile that appeared on her lips and suddenly she started to wonder how long it would be before he bathed again. After all, she needed to make sure he washed behind his ears.

Hope y'all enjoyed it. I'm part way through For King And Country so that should be up by the end of the month :)

xx