Famous Fish

Length: 543 words

Characters: Kenpachi, Byakuya, Ikkaku

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Summary: The eleventh versus the sixth over Soul Society's famous fish.

Kenpachi had a headache. Like no other. Rubbing his temples, he slouched at his desk, as Ikkaku rummaged around looking for aspirin.

The door to his office suddenly slammed open. One of his division members was thrown unceremoniously into the room, followed by a very pompous looking shinigami.

"What the hell is this?"

The shinigami saluted, "Yoshiharo Masuka, Division 6 Fifth Chair. I have come to report a crime."

"What the hell did he do?"

"Captain Zaraki, this morning, this man was caught training around the border of 6th division. Due to his negligence, several Sixth Division famous kois were killed. We seek compensation and justice for his crime. End."

Kenpachi blinked, "Heh?"

Pause.

"Let me get this straight. You're arresting him because he killed some fish?"

Yoshiharo Masuka shuffled nervously, "They are very famous fish, hand-fed and bred by Kuchiki noble servants."

Kenpachi's headache multiplied. "I see. So… how much are these fine fish?"

"They are worth 10000 each."

Kenpachi turned to Ikkaku, "Ikkaku, pay the guy. We're buying all his fish. Think they'll taste good?"

Ikkaku bared his teeth, "Delicious."

"That's what I thought."

Kenpachi turned back to man, "Fancy-pants Byakuya doesn't know about this, does he?"

"Err, well, Captain Kuchiki-sama has other things to take care of. And well-"

Kenpachi grinned savagely, "Didn't think so. Well, when you make your report to him, please tell him that I am surprised one of his seated division members would come to me all personal, beat around one of my members for training, and consider some fish so damn important. Tell him I'll pay him a visit sometime."

The red-faced shinigami scrambled out.

Ikkaku handed Kenpachi a glass of water and a pill, "Are you really going to 6th?"

Kenpachi swallowed, "They're gonna come to me. Soon as Fancy-pants hears about this, he'll come barreling here in all his noble glory. Or he'll send one of his equally stuck-up members."

At lunchtime, the sixth division fifth seat walked in shame-faced, pulling a giant bag behind him.

Kenpachi stared, "Holy... That's five fish? What are you feeding them?"

The shinigami bowed, "Captain Zaraki, I carry a letter from my Captain."

Yumichika read. "Captain Zaraki Kenpachi, I must apologize for not making the trip myself. Things are rather hectic around here. Rest assured that, had I known of my fifth seat's intentions, I would have stopped him immediately. In apology, I killed all the koi fish in our pond with my own hands. I gift them all to your division. I am not so magnanimous as to do it without compensation, but my fifth division seat kindly offered to pay the difference. Please inform your members that they are free to train as much as they wish around my koi ponds. Best wishes, Kuchiki Byakuya."

Kenpachi grinned, "Maybe he ain't such a fancy-pants after all." He put several of the fish in a bag and handed it to the fifth chair. "For your dinner." The entire eleventh division burst out into raucous laughter as the sixth division member made a quick exit, fish clutched tightly in his hand.

Kenpachi turned to division, "Someone cook these famous fish. Dinner is on the sixth tonight."

Kenpachi no longer had a headache. It probably wasn't because of the aspirin.

A/N I can just imagine Byakuya coolly walking out and killing all the fish personally. He's that cool. And man, I love the eleventh.