A/N: This one is for SexyScottishDoc. You asked for just one scene of this, remember? Well I never do anything by halves. Some of Bobby's words in this story are in bold and have been taken as direct quotes from a group of extremely talented men. At one point, I do reveal who he is quoting but feel free to guess before hand.

I hope you all find this story funny and entertaining. There are a few rule you must follow in order to read this story. Firstly, you must place your tongue firmly in you cheek and leave it there. You may, at times, use your tongue to cluck sadly over the various dead victims found herein and you also may feel the need to swirl it about in your mouth in response to the various mild naughty bits also found herein, but then you must replace your tongue back in your cheek where it belongs. Secondly, you must suspend belief, there is no canon in this story. Should you feel the need to stop down and question whether Bobby would do that or Alex would wear that, just repeat the follow phrase ten times until you are again under the spell of the storyteller. "Follow the yellow brink road, follow the yellow brick road, follow the yel……okay you may now proceed.

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Murder on the Magical Mystery Tour

Chapter 1 A Hudson River Mystery

And now for something completely different……

"I don't want to do this, Bobby! I'll leave and neither of you will ever see me again." Eames shook her finger under her partner's nose. "Miami, Los Angeles, Amsterdam, it makes no difference to me. There are plenty of other cities that could use a good female detective." She looked at both her Captain and her partner with contempt. "You are both insane!"

"It's only for the weekend, Detective and it'll be good publicity for our department." Ross didn't add that it was also an order. He leaned back in his chair and propped his feet on his desk. Ah, yes, its good to be the king! "Besides Rodgers and I will be there, you like Rogers don't you?"

Alex looked back to her partner but got no back up from him, he wanted to go too.

"Ah, come on Eames!" Bobby smiled at her and gave her the spoiled little detective dance that was meant to say, if I beg enough you'll do what I want. "It'll be fun."

Alex watched the two men exchange glances. Bobby was chomping at the bit and Ross was bringing his girlfriend so he had his own agenda. "Fine, whatever." Alex said in disgust. "But I am not wearing that stupid hat!"

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Two days later, Alex came in to catch her partner with his feet on his desk reading the society pages of the NY Times.

"I didn't know you were so interested in the Hilton sisters." She commented on his reading material.

Bobby poked his head around the paper and raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you kidding? Did you see that video on the internet?" He said lasciviously. "Actually, I was looking for this." He folded the paper over, set it down in front of her and jabbed the storyline with one long finger.

NYPD Finest to Square Off against the

Grande Dame of Murder Mysteries

In an event that is sure to raise a significant amount of financial support for the Victims of Cyberchondria (see today's article in the health section)

some of the best detectives from New York's Major Case division will bring their wits to bear on a "whodunit" aboard the Agatha Christie Magical Murder

Mystery Tour Cruise. We have it on good authority that Daniel Ross, Captain of the Major Case squad will not only be present but will be bringing his

very own Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot along to unravel the clues and catch the murderer. A good time is sure to be had by all.

"I think I'm going to throw up." Eames said seriously. "You get to play the debonair Belgian detective. While I'm supposed to be some doddering old lady in a bad hat."

Bobby looked at her, his lips pursed sympathetically. "I know you see yourself as more the Stephanie Plum type but Agatha Christie didn't have any nubile young female detectives in her repertoire."

"Figures that you've read Janet Evanovich." She sighed and took a sip of her coffee. "They never had anybody like Joe Morelli when I was in vice or maybe I'd still be there." Alex snorted into her coffee cup at the double take her partner did when he heard her remark.

"Ha ha, very funny." Bobby said flatly. He ran his fingers through his sexy salt and pepper mane and Alex drummed her pen on her desk to keep her fingers from following the same course. "Its not going to be any picnic for me either. Hercule Poirot was what 5'4 or 5'5 tops."

"You think I'm nubile, huh? I can't wait to see you wearing a white suit, bowler hat and that prissy little mustache." Alex grinned at him her chin propped in her hand as she flipped the newspaper back across the desk to him. "So, we're all meeting here after work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, Ross is having us arrive in a patrol car, for the publicity."

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It was time to go and Alex wasn't ready. She peeked out of the eleventh floor restroom. She could see Ross and Rogers were standing next to her desk. They were dressed up like Christie's famous dashing pair Tommy and Tuppence Beresford. Ross looked like a 1930s gangster in his "London cut" suit with the high pockets, wide lapel and shoulder pads. He did look nice his dark grey Fedora. Rogers was dolled up in smashing Kelly green drop waist dress that was softly tailored and she wore old fashioned black cloche style hat. The style suited her to a tee. Bobby had his back to her. She could only see the wide expanse of miles of white seersucker cloth that made up the jacket he was wearing. The pants he had on looked more like a throw back from the 70s with a very large flair at the leg. He probably had trouble just finding a white pair of pants in his size, Alex waxed philosophically. He had a white Fedora on his head and she couldn't wait to see him from the front.

No, actually, she could wait. Her costume had been easy, she had just gone and raided her Great Aunt Gertrude's closet. She was now wearing a white blouse with a high microscopic collar which had a cheap imitation broach sewn in place with a frumpy looking tweed jacket over the top and a grey shapeless skirt. On her head was perched a dusty black velvet hat that her Aunt only wore for weddings and funerals. She thought she actually looked kind of cute in the hat. Maybe shewould wear it for a funeral too, The funeral of one Captain Ross.

She sighed deeply, squared her shoulders and stepped out of the restroom.

"Where's you're wig, detective?" Ross inspected her, taking in the hat and sensible shoes.

Rogers noticed the look of murder in Alex's eyes. "Uh, Danny, I think I left my bag in your office, can you go get it for me?"

"You know he's just going to pull rank if you don't wear it." Rogers told her with sympathy once he was out of earshot.

Alex said a dirty word and then another one and walked back into the restroom and pulled the grey wig out of the trash can. Bobby was sitting on her desk when she came back out, he twirled his tiny mustache and then ruined the effect by smiling shyly. His hat was perched on his head at a rakish angle. The fussy Belgian detective had never looked so sexy.

"Well, how do I look?" Alex looked up at him from under the feather protruding from her hat.

Bobby tweaked one silver curl between his fingers. His voice was barely above a whisper. "I think you are the sexiest senior citizen I've ever seen."

"Come on you two, the patrol car's waiting for us." Bobby grabbed a bottle of water off his desk and they all headed for the elevator.

Once they were descending from the eleventh floor, Bobby took a bottle of pills from his pocket, unscrewed the childproof cap and downed one of the pills with a swallow of water.

Ross watched him suspiciously. "I hope you have some sort of prescription for that, detective."

Bobby glanced up at him, surprised. "Seasickness pills." He looked over at Eames. "It's a cruise, right? I get seasick. My mom's doctor gave them to me."

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They arrived amid a flurry of flashes from the various press photographers. Ross and Rogers were hamming it up for the cameras and one female photographer had pushed her way between Eames and Goren and was snapping away with her Nikon, telling him how much the camera loved him. Alex used the tip of her Miss Marple umbrella on the woman's foot and pulled Bobby up the gangplank.

They entered the salon of the cruise ship and were met by an older woman wearing an ornate gown with her silver hair set in old fashioned waves. The resemblance to the Grande Dame of Mystery stopped there. Alex had seen pictures of Agatha Christie, the lady had been positively regal looking. This woman looked like Camilla Parker Bowles in a cheap dress.

"Welcome, Captain Ross! I'm Marjorie Weems the owner of Magical Mystery Tour Cruises and I am also one of the performers. We've been expecting you and I see you've brought your own Miss Marple and Monsieur Poirot with you." Alex shook the woman's hand and then looked over her shoulder expecting to see her partner next to her. He was standing further away looking at the brochure racks on the wall.

"Let's get through this cruise before we think about booking another one." Alex whispered in his ear as she came over to where he stood.

"I d-don't f-feel so good." Bobby stammered. Alex looked at him narrowly and could see that he had a slightly unfocused look to his eyes.

"Eames, Goren, we're going in now." Ross said and both of his detectives followed him into the banquet room. The ship's horn blared as the vessel pulled away from the docks.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight we have a special mystery for you to solve in the style of the late, great Miss Agatha Christie." There was a round of applause by the guests for Marjorie Weems' announcement. "We also have some very special sleuths who are joining us tonight. Please help me welcome Captain Daniel Ross of New York's Major Case division, Dr Barbara Rogers, Medical Examiner, Detective Alexandra Eames and Detective Robert Goren." A spotlight was directed to their table effectively blinding them all but allowing the rest of the patrons to get a good look at them.

Bobby stood up and bowed deeply. "Every time I try to talk to someone, it's sorry this and forgive me that and I'm not worthy…"

Alex grabbed a hold of his sleeve and pulled him back down in his seat. "What the hell did you say?"

"God," his words slurred. "God said that."

"What are you talking about and why the hell are you speaking in an English accent?" She hissed at him. Ross was looking at them both with displeasure but as Marjorie was speaking again, he turned his attention to her.

"Our performance will begin right after dinner and you will all have until the luncheon on Sunday to solve the mystery. Good luck to you all and happy sleuthing."

A very bland menu of chalky chicken or rubbery fish was served. Everyone tucked in and began to eat. Alex kept glancing at her partner, but he ate with a hearty appetite and seemed to be okay. During the dessert service of chocolate cake the flavor of wet cardboard, the staff began distributing thin binders bearing the name of the cruise ship emblazoned on them in bold colors.

"What are these?" Alex asked.

"They are your case books, to write down the clues you find, to remember questions you want to ask, things like that."

"Thanks, I have my own." Bobby grinned with a chuckle, holding up his leather binder. He opened the bottle of pills and popped another one.

"Are you supposed to take another one so soon?" Alex asked suspiciously.

"We're going to be investigating, I probably won't get another chance." He looked at her darkly. "Trust me, you don't want to see what will happen to me if I don't take something."

The waiters were just bringing the coffee when a scream rang out from somewhere in the salon. The intrepid four bound up and out of their seats along with the rest of crowd. There, lying directly on top of the company logo that was woven into the carpet, lay Marjorie Weems, dead with a knife protruding out of her chest.

Bobby immediately bent down next to the body. Alex had a stupendous view of the seat of Goren's white pants as she was standing directly behind him. She rolled her eyes and knelt beside him just as Bobby reached over to touch the blood surrounding the wound with his finger. He glanced at Alex and then put his finger in his mouth. Alex felt her rubbery fish roil over in her stomach.

"It's ketchup." They both noticed the dead body was now frowning in disapproval.

"Alright, detectives get up from there and let everyone else have a chance to

view the corpse." Ross told them plaintively.

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A/N: All the chapters are named after Agatha Christie novels and there are references to many other fictional detectives.

This first chapter is named after Christie's book A Caribbean Mystery.

Cybercondria is the fictional affliction suffered by people who look up illnesses on the internet and then suffer from them.

If you haven't read Janet Evanovich, you should, you really should. Stephanie Plum is her sleuth in the guise of a female bounty hunter. Joe Morelli is the love interest and is a sex god, lesser so than Bobby but you get the picture.

Did anyone catch the Beatles reference of the Magical Mystery Tour?

Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot are two of Christie's most famous detectives.

Yes, I know we've seen Bobby on boats with no sign of nausea but truthfully it's only been for short periods of time and mostly above deck, and its my story dammit!