Title: Iris
Series: And Then There Were Four
Author: Jamiexh
Disclaimer: Ryan Murphy owns Glee.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Santana remembers when she opened her heart to her girls.
Preceded by: Open Your Heart/ I'm Still Here/ Everything I Do, I Do It For You/ Girls Just Wanna Have Fun/ Pictures Of You/ How Do I Live Without You/ Regaining Unconsciousness/ I Think I'm Paranoid/ Come Clean/ Everything/ I Hope You Dance/ Breakaway/ I'll Look After You/ Oxygen/ On My Own/ Lift Me Up
"And I don't want the world to see me,
Because I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am."
-September 2010-
Santana fell in love with Brittany first. It wasn't a big shock for her though; they've been best friends forever. She thinks that she fell in love with Brittany somewhere in eighth grade. By that time, Santana had already kissed and made out with the blonde girl. She knew that she liked her as more than a friend, but it took Brittany dating Mike Chang to really cause Santana to realize that she loved her best friend.
Mike took Brittany away from Santana, and that was not cool with her. Santana would miss her best friend like crazy. When she home without her, she would think of different things they could do together for the next time. Santana never felt happier than when Brittany was with her.
Santana decided that the day that she knew she was in love with Brittany was when Mike took Brittany's virginity. It was the night after eighth grade graduation and Brittany came over crying.
"What's wrong, Brittany," Santana asked her friend.
"It hurts," was all Brittany said as she sat on Santana's bed and cried harder.
"What does?"
When Brittany answered, "sex," Santana's heart broke. She pulled the blonde dancer into to her and embraced her while Brittany cried. Santana's own eyes filled with tears that she wouldn't let her companion see. She blinked quickly to try to get rid of the tears before trying to get Brittany to talk more about it.
"It wasn't like we thought it would be, S," Brittany started, tearing still coming down her face. "I was so scared, but Mike said that it would be okay. But, it wasn't okay, S. It hurt so bad when he put it in, and even worse when he pulled it back out. I cried, and there was just so much blood. I thought maybe I got my period in the middle of it, but Mike said that's what was supposed to happen. I have to wear a pad now because I'm still bleeding."
"Did you love him, B?" Santana just had to know.
Brittany shook her head. "But, he was so nice and gentle. I thought he would make it special. It wasn't special."
Santana's eyes filled with tears and, this time, she didn't care if Brittany saw them because she knew in that moment that she was in love with the girl. Santana pulled Brittany in for a kiss.
"I love you, Brittany," Santana told the other girl. "And I don't care what Mike says, you don't have to do it again if you don't want."
"I love you too, San," Brittany responds. "But what if he breaks up with me for not doing it again?"
Santana just pulled Brittany close. "Then I'll take care of him."
And that was a promise that Santana intended to keep. Fortunately for Mike, it was one that Santana didn't have to see through though. Mike never pushed for Brittany to have sex with him again, and when they broke up in August, Santana couldn't be happier.
Still, there was this jealousy in Santana's heart that this was the one thing that she didn't get to share with Brittany. But, when Santana asked Brittany to take her virginity that November, she felt as if she fixed that. After all, she did love Brittany.
But, there was the poison that Quinn was spewing out about homosexuality every time they went near Rachel. Santana knows that Quinn was the reason they started the "sex is not dating" thing. Otherwise, Santana is certain that she would take her best friend in her arms and announce to her friends, the school, and hell, anyone that would listen to her that she loved this girl utterly and completely. But, that's not something they could have done, so they slept with other people. And, even though Santana was with other guys, her Brittany times were the most special.
But, Brittany wasn't the only girl that caught Santana's eye in high school. Over the summer, Rachel hit a little bit of a growth spurt and though the singer wasn't tall by any means, she had the most amazing legs.
Rachel was attractive. Granted, sometimes Rachel's clothes detracted from her innate beauty, but Rachel was still beautiful. But, in high school, Quinn only got crueler to Rachel, calling her names like Rupaul, and Stubbles. That's when Santana noticed that Quinn was crushing on the little singer as well. Though, Santana would love to pursue Rachel, if only for sex, Quinn was the reason she didn't.
It became harder and harder to ignore the diva as high school progressed. Quinn joined Glee and had her and Brittany join too, so she could watch the interaction between Quinn's boyfriend, Finn, and Rachel. Santana believes that Quinn really wanted an excuse to just watch Rachel, but Santana didn't mind, because she got to watch Rachel too.
Santana could deny that she was developing feelings for Rachel until Sectionals. Sue leaked their set-list to the other two teams and Brittany and Santana got the blame for giving it to their coach. Santana denied it, but Brittany admitting to doing it. Santana then admitted one of the hardest things to the club; that she actually enjoyed being there. Sure, she only joined because Quinn made her, but singing and dancing was fun. Plus, getting to watch Brittany and Rachel dance was hot. There were many days after Glee that she would get so turned on by watching them that she needed to have sex with Brittany or Puck afterwards. Or if they weren't available, then she had to make do with her own devices. Not nearly as much fun, but equally as effective.
Three words and Santana was eating out of the palms of Rachel's hands. Three words. "I believe you." Rachel had no reason to believe that Santana wouldn't sabotage Glee, but for some reason Rachel believed her. That day the flood gates opened and Santana wanted nothing more than to kiss the brunette. But, she held her composure, and even managed to not kill Jacob when he mentioned that he was only there to try to get into Rachel's pants.
The rest of the year went by and Santana thought she did a good job of hiding her crush on Rachel. And she did, because no one noticed, but Brittany. Brittany may not be the smartest person in the world, but she is definitely one of the most observant. And Brittany is particularly observant if it's something she wants too. So, of course, Brittany noticed Santana staring at Rachel's legs. But Brittany doesn't call her out on it until that one day in July after they had just had sex with each other.
"S," Brittany started, tentatively.
"Yeah, B," Santana answered, loving the feeling of this girl with her.
"Sex isn't dating, right?"
Santana stiffened slightly after that. Could Brittany want to start dating? The thought brought both terrified and turned her on. "No, it's not dating, B. Why?"
"So, would it be okay if we were not dating someone else together, then?"
Santana leaned up to look at her lover and her heart broke a little when she heard Brittany moan sadly that she moved. "You want us to sleep with someone else? Like together?" When Brittany nodded, Santana got nervous. Brittany wanted a threesome with someone. She thought quickly to who Brittany would want. Puck? Mike? Matt? She sighed as she asks who.
Brittany turned and faces her when she answered, "Rachel."
Santana heart dropped. Brittany had to know that she liked Rachel too, but every instinct in her screamed to deny it. "Berry? Hell no! No way, B."
Brittany started pouting and Santana realized that maybe she and Quinn aren't the only ones that thought that Rachel Berry is hot. "But, she's been so sad since Finn dumped her earlier this summer. 'Sides she is kind of hot." Damn, Brittany being so damn nice to everyone. She likes her and now has given her a legitimate reason to get with one of her crushes. It's really not fair. But all Santana could do is whine.
"I've seen you look at her legs, San. You think she's hot, too." Santana just groaned at her partner's deductive skills. But then Brittany said the one thing that would make Santana give up. "Besides, I don't think that she's ever slept with the Jesse kid. She's probably still a virgin."
Santana remembered her first time with Brittany. Sure, it was painful, but she loved Brittany so it was special. Brittany's first time sucked. She wouldn't let Rachel have a first time like Brittany with a boy that cares more about his own pleasure than the fact that he is hurting her. She sighed. "Okay, B. When do you want to do this?" Brittany may have smiled when she kisses her, but Santana was smiling too, because she wanted this just as badly.
The next day they go over and have sex with Rachel. It took Rachel a while to agree to have sex with them, and though she didn't admit it outright, she wanted it. Rachel was just as afraid of losing her virginity as they had been, but Rachel is just ruled more by her fear than the other two girls are. It took constant reassuring, but in the end, Santana took Rachel's virginity and it meant the world to her. Sex with Rachel was special, and Santana was amazed at how much she wanted the girl that she so desperately tried to deny she had feelings for. So, they were an unofficial threesome for two weeks. That's when Brittany changed everything again.
Santana will admit to being afraid of commitment and coming out. So when Brittany told her and Rachel that she wants them to date, it's her instinct to fight. Santana didn't think there was any way that they all could date either, but then Rachel started talking about polyamorous relationships, and Santana saw how much that both girls wanted this. She loves Brittany and is starting to really love Rachel too. So, if committing to them makes them happy, how could she have said no? They already saw a side of her that no one else gets to see, so was it really much of a stretch? So, Santana agreed, and she was surprised when she didn't regret it.
So, she fell in love with Rachel and Brittany. That was no big deal. But, if you were ever to ask Santana if she thought in a million years, she'd fall in love with Quinn, she would tell you flat out, no. But, two weeks after they all commit to each other, it happened. They were all at work, and Santana was just about to go on break, when her two girlfriends pulled her into an empty classroom. They didn't say a word, and Brittany just kissed her as Rachel began to strip her, gradually working her way down Santana's body. She should have realized that sex in a public place, in the middle of the day, meant that they wanted something.
Quinn entered the room, unbeknownst to Santana and Brittany wanted to play with Quinn too. As hard as it is not to give in to Brittany, she could have done it, had Rachel not wanted it too. Saying no to one of her girlfriends is hard, but two is near impossible. Especially when they ask her after mind-blowing sex, because really Brittany is very talented with her tongue, and Rachel somehow knows exactly how to get someone off. Santana agreed to let Quinn, but didn't realize that she had feelings for the other blonde girl until she kissed Quinn. They weren't as strong as her feelings for Brittany or Rachel but they were there and they grew fast. Committing to Quinn may not have been as easy as committing to Brittany and Rachel, but it wasn't scary either.
Yeah, Santana looks back on this, and has no regrets. She's quickly falling in love with her quad, and is happy as is. She's sure that one day they all will have to tell other people about them, but right now, she is just enjoying what she has.
Santana is always one to think about what ifs. She would often think back and try to figure out if she made the right choice in life. But entering into a relationship with Brittany, Rachel, and Quinn was never one of those things she'd worry about. If she could go back and do it all again, she wouldn't change a thing. Because their love is one thing she could never regret.