Title: Solace

Author: Leah

E-mail: countryblue@edsamail.com.ph

Summary: Marie loses hope in everything

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own them so please don't sue.

Archive: Logan and Marie's Dolphin Haven

Fanfiction.net

Others: I don't think you'd want this.

Feedback: Yes, please. :)

Author's Notes: WARNING! If you're in a good mood, DON'T READ THIS! Major angst ahead. Yeah, angst. You probably thought I didn't have it in me, did you? Ha ha! This is my most emotional piece so far, and also the closest to my heart. Sometimes you just lose hope, you know? And there's nothing you can do but succumb to the despair.

The song I used is called Only Hope by Switchfoot but Mandy Moore also has a version of it. Both can be found at the A Walk to Remember soundtrack. I tried looking for a link of the song so that everybody could hear but I wasn't successful. :( It's really a beautiful song. Please buy the soundtrack because it's quite good.

Thanks to Karen for the beta.

Solace

by Leah

She opened her eyes and turned to her side, facing the wide windows where the full moon spread its ghostly fingers across her bed. There was no use trying to sleep when one's heart was leaden with pain and despair. When the heart is troubled, sleep doesn't usually follow.

She didn't think she would ever feel this bad. She was still young with so many years to look forward to. She should be embracing life. She should be full of hope and expectations. But to a young woman with untouchable skin, the future was bleak. Everyday her hope dwindled. Everyday she faced a life that promised only isolation and loneliness. Even if everyone around her tried to make her feel normal, it still wasn't the same. She could be with them--talk, play, work--but only if enough clothing was covering her lethal skin. She could fool herself into thinking she could live with these people, but at night, when she would be alone in her room, the truth always looked at her straight in the eye. She could never touch them. She could never feel their warmth. She could never *feel* them.

For her, her skin was a death sentence. Mortal blows didn't have the power to kill her. Loneliness did.

Her stay at the mansion seemed like a cruel joke at times. Everyday she was assaulted by images of people touching, kissing, hugging, and sharing a physical bond that was equally important as an emotional one... It was torment. It was hell. Oh, but she put up a brave front. She fought the loneliness, the longing, and the envy. She valiantly tried to save herself from falling into the pit of depression. But she wasn't fit to fight her own demons.  Her heart was breaking, her body weak, and her soul starving for the one thing that could save her.

Love. It was her only salvation.

And only one man could deliver her salvation. The man who owned the dogtags that lay snugly between her breasts.

He was her savior. Her hero. Her love. He was the silver lining in her otherwise gray cloud-covered skies. But he didn't know it, of course. He still wasn't back. He had issues of his own that he had to contend with. But even if he was here, she knew for certain her love would forever be unrequited. He was a very physical man and despite the unquestionable bond between them, he'd never want her. How could he want someone he couldn't touch?

It was times like this that she felt abandoned by fate... even by God. Her fervent prayers seemed to fall on deaf ears. There was no answer. There was no sign. There wasn't anything to help anchor her to solid ground. She was alone and hopeless. Nothing more could be worse for her.

Such a burden for someone like her to bear. She may be a freak of nature but she was human too, and she could only take so much suffering. And it was times like this, when she was feeling raw and deep in despair that she sought solace, a little respite, a small release from the pain.

Feeling the weight of her burden on her shoulders, she climbed off her bed and without even bothering to cover up her nightgown, left for her sanctuary. Like a lonely ghost, she swept along the darkened hallway, her bare feet soundless on the floor. She slipped into the conservatory with the ease of someone who had done it many times before. And she had. She took a moment to appreciate the glass-encased room, moonlight illuminating the whole area. It was her favorite place in the mansion, her sanctuary, because it was beautiful there whether in daytime or nighttime. Also, it housed the instrument that allowed her to release all her emotions. The piano.

She stroked its ebony body lovingly, her hand tracing its sleek lines. She sat down on the bench and lifted the lid. With bleak eyes, she looked at the black and white keys, her mind already forming the notes she would play. Her slim fingers took their places atop the keys and with eyes closed, she began to play the song that soothed her heart like a balm and calmed her soul like a prayer. The song that embodied her vulnerability and surrender. The song that she always sang... for him.

She began to sing, the words flowing naturally from her lips.

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
Over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
Would you sing to me
Over and over and over again?

Her soft, clear voice filled the air, as did the sad, eerie notes of the piano.

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Her voice shook as she sang, every word like a hot brand pressing against her heart.

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me all the plans that you have for me
Over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Her brow furrowed in concentration, her fingers pounding the keys with abandon.

I give you my destiny
I give you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs
I'm giving it back

Almost sobbing, she sang her heart out...

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Her voice broke in the end as the song ended as it began--sad and eerie.

She was bent over the piano, her shoulders slumped and head bent in dejection. As the last strains of the notes faded, silence reigned once again. But only for a moment. Soft, mewling sounds filled the air, the sound building in volume and intensity... She wept.

Like her heart was breaking.

Like there was no tomorrow.

Like there was no hope.

Maybe there really wasn't.