Fallons 1rst journal entry in story

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Dear journal,

Today while at the fountain in front of the school. There was this amazing sunset. I had to take pictures of. I used my cannon and polaroid. My two favorites. I like to mix old with new. The differences are respective toward the definition of the shot, I feel.

I got there a little too early. The sun wasn't in the right spot yet so I sar on the edge of the fountain and texted Barry. Letting him know I was going to be a few minutes late. The sun seemed to have set by the time I looked up, but really it was just this guy blocking it's direction to me. I don't think he knew any better so I smiled to be polite and he seemed like he was waiting for something. I guess the thought the smile was an invitation so he stepped closer, and it became appearant he wanted more then to pass me by. So I thought. Sigh. Let's get this over with. I smiled bigger and motioned for him to sit next to me. See what he wanted. When he did I did a double take. He was really attractive. He looked different though. He had these stray, crazy, wild curls that contoured to his face defining his rigidly structured jawline. His hair was dark. Wasn't black, but dark. Like a natural black. About to the end of his ear lobes when pushed back. To his chin when not. I noticed that because all the guys around here keep their hair short short or spiked. Hideous. His hair was romantic. Looked like it had not been tamed by hairspray or gel in many a moon. Seemed like he just let it do it's thang. He had those nerd glasses. They get me everytime. Remind me of this Buddy Holly record I found as a kid. Like something the lead singer for weezer wears. He owned those glasses too. He looked like a perfect gentlemen. Key word (looked). He was tall. I'm short so I notice when people are tall. I always notice things like that. This guy I dated last year. Jack Sullers. He never noticed anything like that. He was from Maine. Never once picked on me about my height. Thing about people who never notice things like that though is, they never iniciate either. Like they don't notice and they don't get that you might want something when you do. He never held me after we had sex. He just rolled over, and that was that. There are some things of course that just happen when they happen and most people know when they are supposed to happen, because most people are aware of others feelings (I would love to think). It;s like when someone gives you a present. you send them a card. You reciprocate. I never got mad at Jack about that though, because he didn't have a good relationship with his mother. I figured that was apart of his baggage and his issues. Guys will talk to you about emotional things under two circumstances.

1. They love you or 2. They are trying to get you to screw them. I've done the research. Save yourselve's girls.

Anyway about the guy I met. His name is Max. We are going to N.Y.U together this fall. He tracked me down after I had left to tell me that so I am thinking he wants to get to know me better. We'll see. I remember when I used to get excited about meeting new interesting guys like Max (seemed to be). Now I just take it with a grain of salt. It is what it is and if becomes something more then great. if not. Well it's like that Modest moues song say's "You've still got your money and you've got your friends."

After knowing a few guys (cause they all come and go at will) helps you develop this key of self sufficiancy. Which makes emotions grow stale, but it always dims the sting of abandonment that follows after each and everyone. Max was just another Jack. No matter how much prettier his packaging was. Or how much bigger his bow was. He was still just another guy.

Anyway. I was late for the party because I had finally finished unpacking and rode my bike down to thge fountain for pics of course. So when I get there. Of course Barry is already drunk. So I attached my bike to his forunner, and wait for him to pass out so Dean and Mill's can put him in the car for me. I sometimes I wonder how I fell into the pattern of dating these dumb frat boys. They always have a polo in every pastel color of the rainbow for everyday of the week. Oh..Wait..I remember now. They all have huge dongs. Which is nice in itself, but they never really know how to use it. of course throughout the years I have learned to rely on my own devices and have become quite resourceful. I drove home, and let him sleepo in the car. I had a project anyway. I started the dye for this fabric I found at the world market square on four corners. Four corners is the historic art and shopping district back home in Sanibel Fl, and I intended on turning it into curtains. It was the last thing I bought back home before I left and I wanted to look at them for the next for years and remind myself how I would never have to go back to my parents house now. Maybe to see Gran Reese and Mrs. Bertonelli, but that was in due time. I have a fresh start and I am not thinking about my past for now.

My apartment is awesome. I am so happy Gran Reese got me started, even Mrs. Bertonelli (my art teacher) at Bristol high, helped me monitarily. Among other ways as well. I miss them so much already. They promised to e-mail once a week though. They will. I think. They'll be back to visit next summer as well. So that tamed the sting of seperation anxiety a bit.

Well it's late and I am beat.

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