hollywood is a pretty place — there are so many shiny, bright, glamorous lights.
;;
the pretty one
all smiles and cheekbones and pure talent, miss victoria angelica vega strives for nothing less than perfect. an honors student, oh so pretty (even jade has to admit it from time to time), she can sing and act and dance, even sports come easy to her, sweet and nice and friendly.
an angel, just like her middle name implies.
but, oh, god, the pressure. push and push, strain her, break her. she knows that all eyes are waiting for her to break so they can watch the fallout. she's not stupid, after all. and she knows she has to smile, brightly and sweetly and be kind and such a darling even when she wants to scream and rip her pretty hair out (which has been happening more and more since andré pulled back the curtains and asked that question).
burn brighter, be nicer, radiate talent, look pretty.
it becomes a mantra after one week at hollywood arts; one week of seeing how bright and nice and talented and pretty the school is (except, some of the kids aren't so pretty, as jade loves to point as rudely as possible out to cat's giggles and beck's sighs and she rolls her eyes).
burnbrighter,benicer,radiatetalent,lookpretty
over&over&over&over again.
every morning as she brushes her hair (she's stopped counting the brushes like when she was little) and every night as she cripples and can be tired (but she keeps that side locked in her room, except when it's just her&andré — but, whoops, they're just tori and andré and that's never going to change because she did one stupid, mean thing by kissing beck).
sometimes, she whispers it when she wants to cry at the pressure. and when andré is dating another girl because she ruined it like she ruins everything when she forgets to be perfect. and she's becoming too forgetful.
so she tightens the act and tries to use her space correctly and improvise better and have stress in the right parts of her body and smile as fucking perfectly as she can even when her lips burn and she remembers that the brightest stars burn themselves out. it's a broken, endless cycle of perfect.
perfect&pretty&talented&nice
that's tori vega (because no one calls her victoria and tori is the name everyone remembers).
;;
the patient one
he smiles and laughs, relaxed as ever. beck — mr. perfect — pats his back and heads off to his girlfriend (beck&jade are so happy together, he reminds himself, beck&tori won't happen, ever. but maybe that's just wishful thinking).
andré harris smiles and waves, waiting. like always. patience is a virtue, his grandma used to say (before she lost it, before the accident), don't you ever forget that.
he waits for ms. perfect (and he cringes that beck&tori have just another thing in common) to hurry from wherever with sincere apologies and a hug for making him wait.
but he's so fucking patient, it's not like he'll be mad.
he can never be mad at tori.
(whisper, whisper, it's not because she's his best friend.)
he's always waiting though. in line at the food truck, for beck when they make plans (because mr. perfect is always caught up in jade), for cat to understand, for robbie to calm down and breathe, for jade to stop seething, for inspiration in music, for sikowitz to stop hallucinating, for his grandma to be okay again, for his chance to really shine, for his big break, for tori.
he's so patient and nice and friendly — and that's why no one can ever really be mad at him like he can't be mad at tori. it's also why he's the guy everyone likes. (and when will tori like him like he prays for?)
but he breathes and keeps waiting.
he takes his mind off it, he laughs and he sings and he plays. but he comes home and — through his grandma's screaming, of course, she'll never be okay after what happened to his parents — writes about her.
he never really means to. it just happens; floods out, wailing for attention after being ignored for so long. with a crisp bang! like tori does when she needs something (but it's never him).
he's always been like this. it's patience's toll. what you wait for, bottle up, has to explode, andré, grandma used to say that too. then the car accident happened and she lost her mind and everything went downhill (except his talent).
because he waits, he can't keep his feelings inside. they have to come out somehow.
so he sings and he writes, even if he always shreds the sheet music afterwards (except for a few, in which he gets it right and shares it with her without telling her the muse). her name is always used too many times for his liking.
tori, tori, tori.
calling out to him. needing him. wanting him.
it's not until 365 days (did you honestly think that was over jade? he'd never do that to his best friend, beck. but he can't help but think that beck would do that to him — beck&tori) that he really lets it out. even tell me that you love me couldn't release the tension like this. he has a song that could maybe make charts if he's patient (and the thought of him not being patient should make him laugh) and gets a good enough singer (but it only sounds right to him when it's andré&tori).
he's fine again (ignoring how he tried to kiss her and she smacked him with a pillow) and he keeps on waiting, waiting, waiting.
he's always waiting.
;;
the cruel one
everyone knows she isn't nice. even sweet little cat who loves her best friend too much to admit just how mean she can be. you'd have to be blind not to see it. but who knows why jadelyn lucille west isn't nice?
cat raises her hand in class and jade almost forgets no one has ever asked the question. quickly, just to see, just before she realizes, she glances at beck.
his hand is still, at his side.
she wonders, for a second, if that's the sound of her heart breaking or her teeth grinding. beck&jade are supposed to fit together so perfectly and beautifully and he's supposed to know exactly why she's broken. he's supposed to figure out the puzzle with the hammer.
and there cat is, innocent and sweet and giggly, solving the puzzle. (your dad is a buttface, he thinks your dreams are stupid — but they totally aren't, jadey — and he's always at client's houses and on business trips and he gave you a balloon hammer when you were little. you would smack your little brother with it and a bunch of other people, which was mean. your mom is a gank, ha ha ha, but she's really nice to me. she doesn't get you though, she tries to be supportive but it's annoying because she's always busy too . . .) the story goes on&on&on but cat knows every detail by now.
and what does beck know other than: your dad is neglectful and your mom doesn't get it?
whatever. she's jade west. she's talented and pretty and tough. she doesn't care if her boyfriend doesn't know her story. she's cruel and maybe that's a bad thing but it keeps her safe.
no one gets in, no one hurts her.
then tori comes and tori is everything she hates — effortlessly talented and pretty and nice and perfect and all that other shit — in a bundle of confidence.
she's not even mad at tori for kissing beck. she's mad at beck for not doing anything other than kissing tori (beck&tori crosses her mind and she hates it but she doesn't envy it). it's another example of him not being what he should and it makes her want to scream and cry and let the blood just come pouring from her skin.
but instead she lashes out at everyone; being cruel and being jaded and being mean.
she apologizes in a heartbeat when she makes cat cry and hugs her best friend though. (she does have a heart.) the tiny redhead whimpers and clings to the tall girl. she fits and it's nice until she remembers that cat&jade should be cat and jade because it's supposed to be beck&jade, even if his lips taste like beck&tori.
besides, cat&jade wouldn't look nearly as good on a headline.
(would it?)
and she likes boys. cat likes boys, jade likes boys. simple as that.
that tongue like poison spews insults again, trying to forget how neglectful dad is and how distant mom is. she still tastes metal and wants to spit it out. sinjin — that freak — rushes off, pee trailing down his cowardly leg. she pretends she's mad and beck kisses her, tasting like beck&tori.
she's crueler again after. not just to tori (but she knows she can pass it off as being pissed off if she cares to justify anything), but to cat and robbie (in fairness, she's always been cruel to that dweeb) and rex and even to beck (but andré is alright so she's less edgy to him). but no one is really surprised and cat still smiles and skips into her house anyways.
and jade still sneaks into cat's room at 2 am on saturday to watch bad chick flicks she'd kill you before admitting to watching.
she tells herself it's to examine the acting thoroughly and know what not to do to make it big time (she analyzes the writing too, of course) but cat's head still is welcome on her shoulder by 6 am.
and, when they wake, there's always breakfast (even if it's 2 pm) waiting downstairs for both and a smile from cat's dad. cat's mom is always humming and washing the dishes and cat's brother is doing things jade would rather not know about.
it's still beck&jade though. and she's still harsh and cold (and she's meaner than ever to tori because tori's so damn perfect it makes her want to puke up glitter or some shit) and telling herself she keeps coming over so she can improve her acting and scriptwriting and singing, because they always wind up belting their favorite songs before she goes back "home."
beck will text her that he misses her and call her babe and she'll make him tell her he loves her.
(but she never, ever says it back.)
and she whispers to herself that there is beck&jade and should be andré&tori and one day even robbie&cat. there will never be cat&jade, she closes with.
she hates the way the words taste and dreams of harsh, broken things when she wants to dream of broadway and hollywood (places someone so heartless and talented belongs).
she's so troubled but oh, so talented.
ladies and gentlemen, one of the best, cruelest actresses around.
;;
the desirable one
beckett james oliver is every girl's prince charming. he can sing so tenderly and he can act so beautifully and he has the perfect sense of humor and he has the perfect amount of compassion and he's so, fucking nice. but, sorry, he's taken. it's beck&jade.
not that he ever protests to the attention. he can feel jade's eyes linger on her best friend and he's seen them holding hands under their desks.
everyone but his girlfriend wants him. he lands acting roles (nothing particularly major yet) and is handed out phone numbers and girls drape themselves over him and guys want to be in his pants (either as him or with him) and his father fondly remembers being that age.
but jade's eyes are on cat and her thoughts must be somewhere around the redhead too. even when he kisses her as roughly as he can, so far from the gentle, sweet girl.
he's wanted. he's desirable. he's talented. he's handsome. he.
is that it? is it that he's a boy? does his girlfriend want a girlfriend? what the fuck is wrong with him that she thinks so much about cat?
isn't he supposed to be mr. perfect?
why can't beck&jade be as perfect as everyone else fantasizes?
it's all so damn annoying. he holds iloveyou's hostage just to make her at least seem like she wants to hear them from his mouth and with his voice. he's always touching her, his arm around her, his fingers intertwined with hers, drawing patterns in her skin.
andré jokes he can fuck her senseless and make sweet love to her if he wants but he's asked and she said something about wanting to be legally his when he first does.
bullshit.
she doesn't want him and his parent's don't really care (who the fuck lets their 16 year old son live in an rv outside their house?) so he clings to the attention of the girls who would let him fuck them senseless and make sweet love to them.
and he leaps at the opportunity to kiss tori to see if jade will fucking feel something for him.
she acts like she does and he believes it until he drives by cat's house on a saturday and sees them sleeping, cat's head on her shoulder, in cat's room. but hollywood arts expects beck&jade so he keeps trying to make things work and texting her that he misses her every saturday night he doesn't see her.
mr. perfect is supposed to be desirable. mr. perfect is lusted after. mr. perfect is, well, fucking perfect.
so when will his girlfriend and parents want him?
he screams and punches a wall of his rv that dad bought without hesitation. he can have everything if he asks. his parents are there for him and his girlfriend gets so jealous of the other girls he wouldn't give the time of day to because of her.
but it's all one, big, fucking act.
they don't care. they don't want him. everyone thinks he's perfect and that home is awesome and beck&jade are beautiful. that he is what they want, want to be, want to have. he doesn't really know.
but the transparent locker is starting to kill him. no secrets. no problems. open book. so why does he hide that she doesn't want him and that they don't either?
because he's an actor.
and, oh, how he'll fit into hollywood with all that going for him.
;;
the sweet one
smiles and cheery hi's and giggling come to mind when describing caterina rose valentine. maybe her strange rambling and disturbing brother pop into your brain but she's just so sweet and friendly and happy.
and she's so talented — have you heard her sing or seen her act? but her best friend is so mean and harsh and they just don't fit.
she smiles and laughs if you mention it. you don't know jadey like she does.
she's not stupid though. she knows how messed up her brother is and what the rainbow pills mommy gives her are for. she knows that she shouldn't smile so damn much and that the world isn't all sunshine and butterflies (she's seen some fucked up things because her brother isn't normal).
but she keeps acting like it is because sometimes she can believe it and then everything is perfect.
she sings — la, la, la, la, la — as she brushes her hair. it's red like her favorite food and like the blood from when her brother threw a vase at her and the time their uncle stabbed him on a bus.
she just tells people it's red like red velvet cupcakes though.
except when the meds to calm her down (she's not crazy, just adhd and bipolar) give her that weird buzz and she says too much. dad says she does that anyways. it's not that he's mean like jadey's dad. her dad is just overwhelmed by her and her brother.
really, who could blame him?
not her. she knows she talks a lot and changes her mind too much. the meds are supposed to help that.
but they'll never help when mommy and dad start screaming and when her brother throws one of his tantrums. that's what mr. purple and the space under her bed are for.
also, calling jadey and crying as the mean girl sings her a lullaby in that pretty voice.
she knows she's okay when she starts singing along and their voices go so nicely together (whether jadey is singing mezzo soprano or alto, — and, usually, it's the one that's most natural — it always sounds so nice when she sings soprano). and she returns to fairies and butterflies and rainbows.
it's why jadey is so much nicer to her. not just that they're best friends and she's grown on the gank, that jade knows that cat's home is just as broken as hers at times.
let her have her fairy tale. she'll be fine with that talent. just hold her hand and don't complicate it.
she doesn't want more complications so she never over thinks when jadey holds her hand under their desks and lets her brush shoulders with her.
she just smiles sweetly as ever and keeps praying for her brother to be sent away so he can stop locking her in the closet.
i'm under my bed, i'm under my bed, i'm under my bed.
it's that same chant from always. it's so messed up.
she's so messed up.
but she can sing and dance and act and she's so damn sweet so who gives a shit?
;;
the awkward one
there isn't a thing about him that doesn't emphasize his awkwardness. his name, robert david shapiro, is awkward. his clothes are awkward. his voice is awkward. his personality is awkward. even his talent is awkward.
the puppet. rex. rex is not just a puppet, he knows. you'd never believe him but rex isn't.
not like chuckie or anything, he'd awkwardly add. but he'd see that you don't believe him and slump away to his friends who bully him just a little when they mean to tease and be friendly because they're his friends (except jade who hates him).
he didn't just make it up to deal with his mom not loving him and his dad walking out.
he didn't just imagine it because of the trauma of when his best friend — rex — was hit by a car and killed.
rex is the rex who got hit by a car.
not that anyone has ever or would ever believe it. he tried telling the kids from school once. they beat him. they broke his arm and one of his ribs and mom just groaned and put the keys in the ignition to take him to the hospital, scolding him for lying before reporting it to the principal of his school.
but i wasn't lying, he wants to say.
he never does.
he learns to keep quiet about rex. he just goes along with it. he's a ventriloquist. he's brilliant. but his puppet hates being called a puppet. he's talented but weird and he never gets invited to anyone's birthday party. ever.
not until andré smiles and befriends him in 7th grade.
and then he's friends with beck oliver and andré harris and can't believe his luck. he thinks he's in for a treat when a pretty girl named cat who smiles at everyone befriends andré. but her best friend is a bitch and she hates him and suddenly, he's the butt of every joke again (and it's only ever okay when it's rex).
it's not bullying, he reminds himself. they're just teasing me. friends tease each other.
and it's not like he isn't an ass sometimes. greedy and desperate and still so awkward.
cat calls it cute but she's cat and she's trying to make him feel better. anyways, jade practically snarls at him after and drags her best friend off wherever.
tori comes when they're sophomores and she's pretty and nice just like cat but she's either going to be half of beck&tori or andré&tori, like how cat is part of cat&jade (even if it's really supposed to be beck&jade, he doesn't mean it like that, since beck&jade have been perfect since they were freshmen).
he tries to smile at her and flirt with her and maybe ask her out though, since he's selfish and geeky and everything the bullies called him. he's painfully awkward and he can see that she doesn't have eyes for him.
it hurts like it hurts when cat goes off with jade or some boy she likes to god knows where.
he gets beat up again and cries himself to sleep and the pattern is back until andré and beck kick their asses. he forgets that they're his friends sometimes.
maybe it's all the fucking teasing.
but he's robbie and he's nice and geeky and awkward and talented so it doesn't matter and he smiles through the pain.
he's never known how to deal with pain.
;;
the selfish one
it's all about katrina delilah vega if you ask her. trinatrinatrina.
but everyone else crinkles their nose and grumbles about how talentless she is (no one likes you! jade screams). she's not blind though. oh, no, no, no. she sees it all.
she can hear, after all.
but mom and dad lied when she was little. baby, you're so talented. fucking liars. it makes her want to rip out the hair she brushes so carefully and washes so expertly and then scream and scream her lungs out until she can't even fucking sing anymore (wouldn't that be a favor to them all though?).
she heard herself sing the first time (really heard herself) when she was 11. she saw herself act the first time then too. it was uploaded as soon as it was done with and dead.
all the other kids laughed and jeered and some complained about their bleeding ears while poor, selfish trina walked home in the rain — even the weather hates her — all by her lonesome.
she cried into her pillow but the next morning she was all smiles and me&me&me. she sang all the way to school and had to force herself not to smirk at her parents' discomfort and tori's whining (even ms. perfect gets stressed, which little miss it's all about me loves).
if they're going to lie through their teeth, she's going to keep reminding them.
she wants the guilt to drive them crazy. instead, they start favoring tori more and more and more until she snaps.
she slaps down an ad for hollywood arts before them. i want to go here next year, pours out of her mouth. if they don't come clean now, if they don't come clean —
they don't come clean. they don't say, honey, i'm sorry but . . . not even close.
they fake those plastic smiles she hates so much and tell her to start practicing. she wants to die but she knows she has to. she's too deep in.
(and maybe getting so far proves that she can act.)
she goes through with it, pretending it's all about her and that she's fucking talented&pretty&perfect when she knows that's her little sister.
she makes it in (but she doesn't know how) and mom and dad are so excited for her and tori hugs her and they go out to celebrate.
it's all a lie.
it's all about her.
didn't she get what she wanted?
;;
oh, how it sparkles, oh, how it shines; hollywood has such a ruthless climb to just exist but it's so, fucking pretty.
Hold back that follow or favorite,
And trade it for a review,
It'll serve as feedback & motivation for my writing tricks,
And otherwise, I might just slap you.
- Queen Alison the Obstinate