Hellooooooooo people people I am the author of this story and I just wanted to tell you that it won't be clever, hell it probably won't even be good, but it will be funny for those with an open (and strangely sick) mind. Enjoy!

WELCOME TO THE WORLD PREMIERE OF THE Théâtre des Sailor Scouts!

Here you will witness incredible feats of strength and skill and also some nice acting on the side.

Ami: Hey I wanna do Porgy and Bess!!!

Rei: Gershwin sucks.

Ami: How could you say that?!

Bunny: What's Porky and Cess?

Ami: Porgy and Bess is an opera.

Bunny: Oh. What's an opera?

Rei: BUNNY YOU AIRHEAD!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act One, Scene One

Announcer: And now, we present Little Red Riding Hood!

Bunny: *hops out in a playboy bunny outfit* WOLF!!! WOLF!!!

Rei: *whispers* I think that's a cross between her strange mind and The Boy Who Cried Wolf. I'm not really sure though.

Ami: *sigh* The show must go on

Bunny: Oh I'm not afraid of the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf!

Darien: Oh for god's sake, Bunny, this is Little Red Riding Hood. *walks onstage in a wolf costume*

Bunny: Yeah, and?

Darien: You're making a fool of yourself.

Rei: Oh for god's sake LITA! Get over here!

Lita: What?

Ami: Rei what are you doing?

Rei: *puts a red cloak on Lita and hands her a basket* Go save the show!

Lita: Why me? *skips onstage* Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go!

Rei: Oh my god

Ami: Well has anyone seen Andy?

Rei: No, why?

Ami: He was the woodcutter/father.

Rei: Oh god

Andy: Sorry I'm late! *runs in, out of breath* Had to fix the Sailor V game again.

Mina: *unconscious, sleeping on a lounge chair*

Ami: Okay okay just put on your costume!

Andy: *starts taking off his clothes*

Ami: NOT HERE!!!

Rei: *elbows Ami* shut up shut up!

Bunny: THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC!!!!!

Darien: NO NO NO PLEASE DEAR GOD NO!!!

Lita: *shoves Bunny into a plastic bush* Oh big bad wolf, I must deliver these treats to my dear sick grandmother!

Darien: *sigh of relief* Well there's a shortcut over there. *points*

Lita: Thanks! *skips offstage*

Darien: I have directed Little Red Riding Hood in the wrong direction!!!

Ami: Who wrote this?

Rei: Um Mina, I think.

Mina: *snore*

Darien: Now it will take her twice as long to reach her grandmother's house and I shall eat her grandmother and take her place and eat the treats and Lita- I mean Little Red Riding Hood! BWAHAHAHAHA! *runs offstage*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act One, Scene Two

Ami: Well it's not going so bad

Rei: You're kidding, right?

Bunny: *gets out of the plastic bush* I have overheard a diabolical scheme! I must save Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother!

Ami: Oh no oh no

Rei: Oh my god

Bunny: SILVER MOON CRYSTAL POWER!!! *transforms into Eternal Sailor Moon*

Ami: I can't believe it.

Rei: AIRHEAD!!! *runs onstage and jumps on Eternal Sailor Moon*

E. S. M.: GAAAAH REI GET OFF I NEED TO SAVE INNOCENT PEOPLE!!!

Rei: THIS IS A PLAY, AIRHEAD!!! *grabs E. S. M.'s hair*

E. S. M.: GAAAH!!! LET GO REI!!! *runs around, dragging Rei behind her*

Ami: The show must go on

Andy: *completely naked* Um Ami? Do you know where my costume is?

Ami: *staring* Um

Andy: It's kinda cold in here, don't you think?

Ami: Um

Mina: *waking up* How long till the show starts?

Ami: Um

Mina: *jumps up* Ami, you sly fox, you!

Ami: Um

E. S. M.: THE EVIL MUST BE VANQUISHED!!!

Rei: IT'S A PLAY!!! A PLAY!!! WITH ACTORS!!!

E. S. M.: This is no time for playing, Rei. Now LET GO OF MY HAIR!!!

**Author's Note**

This is unbelievably dumb.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act One, Scene Three

Mina: Good god, Andy. Your costume is over there. *points*

Andy: Thanks! *goes and puts it on*

E. S. M.: GET OFF GET OFF!!!

Ami: *rolls a baseball bat onto the stage*

Rei: *nods at Ami* Thanks. *takes the baseball bat* It's lights out for you, Sailor Moon.

E. S. M.: Rei what are you going to do with that?

Rei: *hits E. S. M. over the head, knocking her out* Mission accomplished.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act Two, Scene One

**after the short intermission Bunny is put in a straight jacket and gagged so she doesn't try to vanquish any evil, Andy has successfully located and adorned his costume, and the scene has changed to grandmother's house**

Ami: Okay, now Darien has his big solo scene.

Rei: *is tying Bunny to a chair*

Mina: Ooooo sounds fun.

Darien: *runs onstage* hahaha!

Naruru (playing Grandmother): Who's there?

Darien: Um line?

Ami: Oh god

Naruru: are you Little Red Riding Hood?

Darien: OH YEAH! I mean, um yes, I am. I have brought treats!

Naruru: Lovely. Is it that Gucci purse I want really badly?

Darien: Um no. I made muffins, though!

Naruru: Oh. Well give it here.

Darien: Um ROAR!!!

Ami: What the?

Mina: I'm so excited!!!

Darien: I will eat you now. *jumps on Naruru*

Naruru: WHAT THE HELL? YOU SICK FUCK!!! OUCH YOU BIT ME!!!

Darien: Well duh, I'm eating you.

Naruru: GAAAAH!!! *runs offstage*

Ami: *sweatdrop* The show must go on

Darien: *puts on an ugly bonnet and gets in granny's bed* Now I will eat Little Red Riding Hood when she arrives with my treats!!!

Mina: I wrote this, didn't I?

Ami: You just figured that out now?!

Mina: Well I just woke up!

Ami:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act Two, Scene Two

Lita: *skips onstage* Grandmother I have arrived and I have brought with me treats!!!

Darien: Wonderful, dear. Now come really close to me so I can reach you easily and hold you in case you try to escape.

Mina: I wrote such beautiful words

Ami: You ruined a classic Brothers Grim story

Lita: Um okay. Wait a minute you've got huge ears!

Darien: Um I have bigearitis.

Mina: *sob* I wrote such beautiful words

Lita: Um you have big teeth, too.

Darien: All the better to eat you with!!!

Mina: I wrote that?

Ami: No, Mina. Those are the right lines.

Mina: Oh.

Darien: *jumps on Lita*

Lita: EEEEEEEEE!!!!

Bunny: *throws Rei off of her* I'll save you, Little Red Riding Hood! SILVER MOON CRYSTAL POWER!!! *turns into Eternal Sailor Moon*

Ami: Oh no

Rei: Where's that bat?

Mina: Brilliant!!!

**Author's Note**

Proceed with caution

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Act Two, Scene Two

Lita: I'LL RUN AWAY NOW!!! *runs around the stage*

Darien: I'LL EAT YOU!!! *chases Lita*

E. S. M.: I'LL SAVE YOU!!! *chases Darien*

**they all rum around the stage for a bit, then Rei comes out and chases them all with the baseball bat**

Ami: Andy?

Andy: Yes, Ami?

Ami: You're a woodcutter, so the axe is part of your costume, right?

Andy: Yeah, sure, *pulls out an axe*

Ami: Give it to me. *takes the axe*

Mina: What are you going to do with it?

Ami: The show must go on AAAAAH!!! *runs onstage and chases Rei with the axe*

Rei: AAAAAAH!!!

E. S. M.: AAAAAAAH!!!

Darien: AAAAAAH!!!

Lita: AAAAAAAH!!!

Mina: *shrugs and grabs a metal pipe from the scenery* AAAAAAH!!! *runs onstage and chases Ami*

**the entire set starts to shake**

Ami: AAAA- *stops chasing* Mina, what did you do?

Mina: AAAAH!!! Oh, what? I just took a pipe to chase people with.

Ami: That pipe supported the scenery

**the following events can only be described as "stupid" but for dramatic purposes it can be described as "hectic". The entire set shook like it was located at the San Andreas Fault Line and everyone ran for cover**

Lita: RUN!!! *runs offstage*

Darien: I AM!!!! *jumps off the stage and runs out the door*

Rei: GAAAAAH!!! *runs after Darien*

Ami: The show definitely won't go on *grabs Mina and Andy and runs to safety*

E. S. M.: Um guys? *a piece of pipe falls from the ceiling* gaaah! *dives off the stage just as the curtains fall and the set breaks*

The End

Ami: And the moral of this story is--

Mina: Don't trust big bad wolves?

Ami: No. Never give Rei a baseball bat.