"Wow, I was so busy with another contest that I forgot who was hosting this one! That's my mind—attention span of a parakeet unless I write things down or they're epically important. But now that I've started this, it is epically important!
"Anyway, I don't know if this will be a twoshot or a threeshot, but it's not going to be one chapter. It's just going to be that way. And so far, I've seen few entries. I think I'm the first chaptered entry, too…
"Well, since he's in the story, I'll have Ike…" Ike grins and stands by, ready to do the disclaimer. "…Stand there foolishly while I say everything I need to!" Ike's face falls. "I do not own Smash Bros. If I did, there would be other stuff in the games, like a small story-maker. Okay?" Ike pulls out Ragnell and prepares a strike.
"Let it…" F-p performs a powerful heel-stomp to Ike's stomach, sending the swordsman back and cancelling out the charged Smash Attack. "…Begin! By the way, please don't kill me for what may happen in this."
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A bird sang as Ike strode through the dormitories of the Smash Compound. This bird was soon cut off by falling to the ground out of a third-story window. Ike ignored Falco's cursing and tried to slick back his hair, using a nearby window to check his appearance. The mercenary's pointy hair merely sprung back into position, but Ike didn't notice as he was watching Falco drag himself to the infirmary in the main building, wearing only his uniform's pants. The swordsman wondered briefly who had pushed Lombardi—who was a horrid singer—this time. It was said that several Smashers took turns, but that wasn't important.
Today, he was going to announce to Princess Zelda that he loved her.
There would be no holding back, no denying it any longer. Ike wouldn't let a little thing like her romance with Link—the green-clad elf-guy—get in the way of him being with the royal lady. He was outfitted with everything he'd need to profess his devotion: deodorant had been applied, clean clothes had been ironed and put on in that order, Ragnell had been polished and shined to a golden glow, and fresh flowers from Nana's garden had been gathered in a wonderful assortment of colors. The youngest human girl in the tournament hadn't been pleased, but Ike had promised to pay for some new seeds and even plant them. Such menial labor would be worth it just for the moment he'd be facing ahead.
And if Zelda refused, he'd just try again later, perhaps secretly get advice from Link on what the Hylian royal liked.
Finally, he reached Zelda's bedroom. Ever since the original Mansion had been sold and scrapped in favor of a more voluminous estate, Smashers had been secretly rejoicing at no longer sharing rooms with others. After all, nobody wanted to share a room with Red, the Pokémon Trainer. His three creatures often woke up in the night and went to do mysterious "Pokémon things," as Red called them. Nobody asked, but they suspected they were holding meetings.
Ike took a breath, clearing the tumulus thoughts from his head and focusing is brilliant commander's mind on the task ahead. He had watched Zelda for the past three months, and every Wednesday at this time she would take an hour of private time to just read, work on running Hyrule, or even play a video game. When Pit had found out, the mercenary had bought his silence with a fist and a truckload of olives. So far, the angel had kept quiet, but there wouldn't be many ovular fruits left by this point. It was either tell the Princess now or let the olive-obsessed heavens-dweller announce it to the whole mansion.
Finally, the mercenary reached Zelda's room. He took another moment to cinch his boots and gauntlet before raising a hand to knock. Ike took a deep breath, drew his hand back…
…And stopped when he heard an odd, wavering hum coming from the other side of the door. It sounded like an oddly like somebody enjoying ice cream while trying to hum "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" at the same time. Though it hadn't occurred to Ike, perhaps Zelda wouldn't enjoy being bothered at this time. After all, this was her "private time," and having a younger sister gave Ike clarity on females that many other Smashers didn't have.
But the sound was so familiar. It couldn't hurt to just peek, right? After all, it's just ice cream and a song.
Using fine motor control born of long hours of practice, the warrior quietly opened the door by a sliver and pressed his bandana-garbed head to the opening so that one eye could peer through. The sight nearly caused the experienced fighter to scream in shock.
There, on the bed, was Zelda, making out with a round, blue pillow. Her back was to him, giving him just enough of a view to see the blush on the pillow's two sides. It sort of reminded him of a blue Kirby. The gluttonous puffball had some of the cutest merchandise around. Little kids bought up all sorts of Kirby souvenirs when they came to watch a fight. Ike didn't know that the puffy pillows came in blue.
Then he saw the armor. Then he saw the crest.
A capital "M" with a sword stuck vertically through it, point down.
The crest of the Meta Knights.
Meta Knight.
Ike closed the door, making his way as swiftly as he could back to his room. Once there, he closed and locked the door, removed his headband, and screamed like a deep-voiced banshee.
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"I'm tellin' you Link! Zelda was kissing Meta Knight in her room!" After about fifteen minutes of feeling sorry for himself, Ike had decided to search out Link. The Hylian was well-known for his quiet liking of his country's princess; many people expected him to proclaim his deepest feelings at any time now, not taking into account that they've been thinking this for years.
Now the Hero of Twilight, survivor of the will of the Hero of Time, was being held far too close to Ike's face as the mercenary yelled his discovery into his ear. Link tried his hardest to break free, but Ike's grip was far too strong for the green-clad fighter to escape. So in the end, he resorted to a new option.
Pulling his Clawshot from his pocket, Link used the finger-like ends of the tool to clamp Ike's mouth shut. While Ike was surprised, Link extricated himself from the mercenary's grip and made for a safe talking distance. Once he was a safe five feet away, Hyrule's hero finally offered a response.
"And I should believe that, why?" It was a simple question, but Ike didn't have much of an answer.
Fumbling to remove the pinching claws from his face, the Greil commander finally happened upon the release mechanism. Once he had removed the grappling weapon from his lips, Ike finally managed a response. "I don't have a reason to lie."
Link looked at the other suspiciously. "I think that you're just trying to eliminate me as competition. Then you could have Zelda all to yourself while I go and mope in the corner."
Ike was momentarily stunned. The logic behind that was ridiculously good, which made Ike wonder when Link had become so cunning. At that, how long had it been obvious that he'd been eyeing Zelda?
Link seemed to read his last thoughts. "It's fairly obvious. You look at her all the time over meals and you even seem distracted when you fight with and against her in battles. You blew last week's tag-team match with Lucas because you were trying to not hit Zelda, focusing on Lucario even when Zelda was in a worse position. Oh yeah, and Pit let it slip last week that your journal was full of 'I love Zelda' doodles." Ike flushed with embarrassment and rage. The angel would have to be dealt with later.
"Alright, fine, so I love her. But that doesn't mean that I want to get you outta the way!" Link gave Ike the Hero's Glare. "Okay, I do. But I wouldn't stoop to lying, you know that!"
Link had to grant this point. Ike was stubborn, crude at times, and tactical, but he wasn't dishonest. Sighing, Link gave in to his curious nature. "Okay, say I believe you. So then why would Zelda want to kiss Meta?"
Ike shrugged, face slowly becoming normal as he saw Link's resolve weaken. "Beats me. He's not that cute, nor is he attractive." Link's gaze turned to a slightly disturbed look. "Not like that! You know what I mean! Anyway, I think we should find out."
"So you're going to let me ask her, then?"
"Wha—! No! We'll find out the tactician's way: gathering information." Link looked doubtful at this. After all, the direct way had worked for the Hylian many times before. "Look, this is a far more complex issue than an upfront question allows for. We're talking about some sort of bizarre love rectangle, and if we want to cut it down by at least one side, we'll need to be smarter about this than our enemies."
"Enemies? The Princess isn't an enemy."
"Okay, enemy, then. Either way, we still need to get Meta Knight out of this picture, or at least find out what Zelda sees in him!" Link looked pensive for a moment before simply nodding. "Then it's settled! We'll start figuring this out immediately. Let Operation Zelda and MK start!"
Link face-palmed.
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"So you want some of our spy equipment?" Snake was surprised to say the least. He didn't think Link and Ike were the type to sneak up on people. Link's alternate-dimensional counterpart, Toon Link, might do that, but these two were more prone to open moves. "Why?"
"Because—."
"Because we want to learn more about, er, the fighting styles of some of the more annoying Smashers," Ike interrupted. If there was one thing Link couldn't do, it was be obscure.
Wolf spoke up for the first time. "And how do we know that this doesn't include us?" Snake nodded in agreement. Wolf was well-known for surprising speed, while Snake's bombs caused misfortune for everyone on the battlefield including Snake himself.
Link took charge this time. "Oh, you two aren't annoying. Wolf, you use your abilities to their best extent. Surprise is an element everyone uses in Brawls. And Snake, your bombs are part of your set arsenal. They're no worse than the Motion Sensor Bomb or the Bumper. Besides, you get yourself a lot with them, too."
"I couldn't have said it better myself," Ike agreed. Though Link had little subtlety, his blunt nature came in handy when negotiating.
The soldier and the lupine mercenary paused for a moment, deliberating on the issue independently. Snake spoke first. "Alright, I'll lend you some of my basic audio and video equipment. Just make sure it gets back to me in one piece." As the cloned fighter started to move off, Wolf clapped him on the shoulder.
"Hold on." Snake stopped and looked at the anthropomorphic lupine, as Ike and Link glanced at each other nervously. They suspected that Wolf could prove troublesome. "I smell nervousness from these two. What're you really after?"
Wolf's nose was dead-on. While Snake and the lupine were imposing figures, most Smashers had faced worse on their own adventures. Being afraid or nervous around the fighters, especially after so long, was rare unless you were a direct enemy. Fox and Falco were still on edge with Wolf. The pilot's nose was also far more developed than any of the other three's, with senses maximized by evolution. Like a standard wolf, the criminal mercenary could smell out emotions as they were given off by a body's different glands.
Now, he'd caught onto Ike and Link's hidden plans.
Now there was no way to escape the inevitable questions.
Ike sighed and groaned as Link face-palmed again. Ike, coming from a land with creatures similar to Wolf, should have seen this coming. Link, having been a wolf multiple times, should have remembered the sharp senses. Both could have prevented this by going to Bowser instead.
Quickly, the swordsmen explained their once-secret plan, keeping out no detail as both Wolf and Snake, with his innate soldier's sense, would be able to tell in anything was hidden. Once they had finished, Wolf grinned smugly as Snake glared hard.
Snake summarized the plan best. "You wanted to spy on Zelda and Meta Knight to see if they're together? Wouldn't it be easier to ask them directly?" A spy he may be, but Snake knew that sensible courses of action were the better operating procedures than sheer stealth.
"If she wanted us to know about it, she'd have told everyone within a seven hundred mile radius," Ike retorted. Snake regarded him for a moment before conceding the point.
"Alright, I think we should lend 'em the stuff." Snake whipped around to stare at Wolf. The lupine's smugness had morphed into a more mischievous disposition. "But, if you get anything good, you give me a copy. You got that?"
Ike shrugged. This had come up in his conversation with Link about where to get supplies. They had wanted to avoid this, but options had become slim in a matter of moments. "Alright, fine. But to buy your silence, Link has some gifts for you."
Said hero pulled out his wallet and withdrew two shining, red gems shaped like oblong hexagons. "You all know about Rupees, right? Well, these are Red Rupees. They're pretty common in Hyrule, but I think your worlds would have a far higher value on them than mine." Wolf's eyes lit up, but Snake pushed them back.
"You're not getting my equipment for this. If you want the perverted wolf to help you, then fine. But count me out." With that, Snake stalked off, leaving no promise or threat behind about revealing the heroes' plans. Link and Ike both found that odd, but ignored it. If Snake was going to spill their plans, he'd say so.
The human and Hylian turned back to Wolf, who was glaring after the soldier with disdain. "What a fool. Anyway, I'll let you use my equipment if you give me Snake's share and promise to get me a copy of any good stuff. Deal?" O'Donnell, ever the businesswolf, stuck out a hand-like paw, clearly intending to shake hands on the transaction.
Link sighed and handed over the two Red Rupees, shaking Wolf's paw as he did so. When Ike shook on the deal, a thought occurred to Wolf. "What're you callin' this operation, anyway?"
Ike lit up at his client's—at least, he considered Wolf the client—interest. "We're calling it Operation Zelda and Meta Knight," he said proudly.
O'Donnell snorted a small laugh at this. "Given what's about to happen, I'd say that this little plan warrants a more suitable name. It feels more like a 'Project What the Hell' to me."
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"So we finally have the first chapter of this out, do we? To recap, Ike sees Zelda kissing Meta Knight, and drags Link into his plan to find out. But Wolf negotiates his way into the plan. Crazy, huh?
"Well, the good news is that I think I have some sort of plot for this. So let's all hoe that it comes together well. Or at least suppose that things are gonna get stupid and ugly.
"Thanks for reading, and I hope you stick around. I'll be out of town in a few days, but I should be able to start the next chapter by then. Until I update, ciao chow!"