Dirty Little Secret

I do not know what came over me. But this just wouldn't leave me alone until it was written, so there it is!...It still doesn't leave me alone though…=)

Anyway. I bring you my first venture into the fanworld of Bleach, served with some Shuuhei/Yumichika slash. Don't like, don't read, but you were warned!

Of course, Bleach and its characters do not belong to me and I am not making any profit out of this.

The first time he noticed the 11th division's fifth chair loitering around the 9th division's barracks, Hisagi merely ignored it, thinking it was of no importance. Complete coincidence, really. Nothing to dwell on.

The second time, Ayasegawa grinned happily at him as he waited at the gate and Hisagi promptly decided that he didn't have to leave yet, after all.

The third time, the smaller Shinigami appeared in his line of vision right as he rounded the corner to his office.

He did not yelp, mind you – it was just a manly expression of surprise and frustration at not being able to avoid the other man this time. "Ayasegawa," he greeted through clenched teeth as he kept on walking, hoping that ignoring him would work in getting rid of him.

It wouldn't be long before he learned the hard way that Ayasegawa Yumichika did not settle for being ignored, as it stands.

"Soooo, Hisagi, what's your dirty little secret?" the smiling man asked him as he followed him into in office, not one bit deterred by the fact that the other had closed the door to his face.

Hisagi sighed deeply and mentally rolled his eyes to the sky as he sat behind his desk, his eyes darting over the new files that had appeared since he'd last looked. "Look, Ayasegawa—"

"Yumichika," the other corrected with a smile as he pushed a stack of files to the side and sat himself on a corner of the desk.

The vice-captain's eyebrow twitched as the man had disrupted the carefully planned organization of his files. "Ayasegawa," he started again, only to be cut off again.

"Yu-mi-chi-ka," the other Shinigami said in a sing-song voice as he leaned closer to him. "It's quite easy to say, but if it's too much of a mouthful for you, feel free to call me Yumi!"

"That's not the point here!" Shuuhei nearly exclaimed as he stood up to keep his personal space un-invaded. He then forced himself to calm down as he looked at the other's unfazed expression – and what did he expect? That Shinigami, despite his womanly looks, was the fifth seat of the 11th division, under the orders of Captain Zaraki Kenpachi. And next to that man, Hisagi Shuuhei probably looked accommodating when angry. "Was there any official point to your being here, Ayasegawa?" he asked through gritted teeth.

Yumichika pouted slightly at still being addressed so formally but then shrugged. "Nope. I just wanted to see you," he replied easily.

Shuuhei would have rolled his eyes had he the strength left to. Five minutes with this man, and his mind felt like it had after their battle. Drained. Gone. Past its limits. "Then please leave. I have a lot of work to do, as you can see, since you are sitting next and on part of it," he stressed tiredly.

The pretty seated officer looked around himself then, as if only noticing the workload now, and gracefully stood up from his seat. He then reached to put the pile he'd pushed aside back in place before smiling brightly at him and making for the exit. "Don't push yourself too hard, and think on your answer when you have the time!" he called back before vanishing behind the door.

Hisagi stood there frowning at the door for a long time after that strange exchange. And what answer was he supposed to be thinking about? The only things the other had done were to disrupt his files and spell his name, he hadn't asked any—oh, wait. He had. Something about his 'dirty little secret'.

At this point, and since he was in the sanctuary of his office, he just left himself fall back into his chair and groan loudly before proceeding to bump his forehead on the table a few times.

What did the embarrassment of a Shinigami want with him anyway? He already had to suffer the humiliation of the knowledge he had lost to him, a fifth seat. Couldn't he just be left alone at this point?

And what about his 'dirty little secret'? What did the other even want to know that for? Probably more humiliation! Like he'd tell him anything knowing that!

Though…to be fair, surprisingly, Ayasegawa hadn't yelled it over the rooftops that he'd bested the 9th division's vice-captain. Word of it had spread out like wildfire, but he'd never seen or heard the other boast about it, not once. Probably not to draw too much attention on how he beat him, but still. He appreciated his discretion.

Hisagi sighed as he rested his head on his knuckle. His 'dirty little secret', huh?

As much as he hated to admit it, it probably was that he thought that maybe the 11th division's fifth seat wasn't all bad, in the end. Kinda.

The next few times he saw him, Ayasegawa merely smiled at him and kept walking with his 11th division peers – Madarame Ikkaku more often than not. Sometimes their vice-captain, the fearsome Kusajishi Yachiru, was with them. (And Shuuhei hated that every time he saw her, he shivered involuntarily as he remembered her latest antics at their vice-captain meetings.)

When they met, he pretended not to notice the other Shinigami, unless they'd already made eye-contact, and his polite instincts forbade him to look away without at least nodding to the other. Damned instincts!

Well, at least, Ayasegawa never brought up that whole 'secret' thingy in front of others. But he still mentioned it when he – forcefully, mind you – visited him. A lot.

Shuuhei sighed.

The first time he'd opened the door to his office to see the fifth chair waiting for him, he'd closed the door before the other could so much as blink and returned where he came from – the canteen, and so what if people looked at him weirdly for getting more food when he'd just left.

The second time it happened, he wondered if Ayasegawa had spent the night in his office, because it was early, too damn early to be normal, and even he hadn't known he'd come to work so early today – not like he'd planned on not being able to sleep properly that night. The canteen wasn't open yet though, so with a long suffering sigh, he grunted a response to the other's cheerful 'good morning' and walked to his desk.

An hour into his work, he paused and looked at the man's happy face as he droned on and on about this or that and the latest news around Seireitei or Rukongai. How someone could be so satisfied holding a one-sided conversation for over an hour was completely beyond him, but the fifth seat was obviously enjoying himself.

And if Shuuhei smiled a bit then – just a bit though – it was only because he was glad that obviously he didn't even have to do anything to entertain the other and could therefore concentrate on his work. Not because he thought the guy was cute – not like grown men can be cute, anyway.

The third and fourth times his office was once more invaded by the 11th division seated officer, Hisagi gave up on going to seek refuge in the canteen, because not only did it make him fall behind in his work, but he'd soon start putting on some weight if he kept on eating twice every meal.

The fifth time, actually, Ayasegawa walked into his office when he was already at work.

"Good afternoon, Shuuhei!" he greeted him enthusiastically as he almost skipped over to his desk, sitting on a small pile of documents uncaringly. "Rice crackers?" he asked amicably as he nearly shoved the paper bag under his nose.

Shuuhei sighed as he pushed his hand back, nudging him with his brush to get one of the folders he was seating on. "What have I said about not using my given name, Ayasegawa?" he asked more for the purpose of saying something than to really complain.

"Well, what have I said about using my given name, Shuuhei?" he asked sweetly as he found himself another spot to sit on.

Then, as though they hadn't said anything, he started to talk his ear off once more, and if Shuuhei was feeling relaxed, it was because his work was going well, and not because Yumichika's voice was soothing.

This went on for some time, and the 11th division's fifth seat became a familiar sight in the 9th division's barracks. And if by the seventh time the right corner of his desk was kept clean of files, it was because there'd been a recess in his workload, and not because he kept it that way for Yumichika to sit more comfortably.

Yet, it wasn't until the tenth time that Yumichika really brought up the 'dirty little secret' question again – not that Shuuhei was counting the days or anything.

"Eh?" had been his very eloquent response to the afore-mentioned question.

Yumichika rolled his eyes playfully and crossed his arms over his chest, surveying him carefully from his end of the table – as he'd come to call it. "Shuuhei," he started, with the voice of an adult scolding a child. He then scooted closer, so he was simply looking at him sideways. "I've given you plenty of time to think about it! So? What is it?" Thruthfully, Yumichika didn't ask for answers. He demanded them.

The vice-captain was more uncomfortable than annoyed, despite his irritated frown. "Why do you care so much?"

"You've seen mine, won't you show me yours?" Yumichika replied easily with a bright smile.

There was silence for a moment, Shuuhei's eyes boring into Yumichika's. The air seemed thick with tension. And then it happened.

Shuuhei snapped. And laughed. Loudly. And Yumichika kept smiling knowingly.

Leave it to Ayasegawa Yumichika to turn a serious matter into the biggest, lamest, wrongest dirty innuendo anyone could possibly come up with!

The 9th division vice-captain moved a hand to his stomach as he couldn't stop laughing, feeling his eyes water slightly. When Yumichika moved a hand to rest it on his head though, gently treading his fingers through his hair, he felt his throat choke on a sob. But he kept laughing, even as tears fell and he buried his face in the other's lap, with those slender fingers skillfully stroking his hair, and that calm voice soothing his worries away.

He had no idea what the man had been saying, just that it was only thanks to that voice that he suddenly didn't feel as completely and utterly alone as he had since his Captain's betrayal.

And he'd always thought that breaking down was the weakest thing to do, thought himself above it, but damn! At this point, it was either 'let it out', or 'let it kick the shit out of you in the long run', and the latter was what he'd been doing so far - with bad results, obviously.

He actually hadn't felt that good in a long time, and he even forgot about being embarrassed. He was way past simply trusting Yumichika at this point, he reasoned. He was completely depending on him.

It scared him.

The last person he'd allowed himself to depend on had betrayed not only him, but everyone, and everything they had always fought for. Well…everything he'd always thought they'd been fighting for. But at this point, he just wanted someone to trust in once more.

Someone to share his 'dirty little secret' with.

"I'm scared of battle," Shuuhei admitted after the sounds echoed off, eyes half-closed. He didn't move though, and Yumichika didn't either, and neither did he pull his hand back. Shuuhei didn't want to think of any excuses now, and the reason why the other's free hand was firmly clasped in his was that Yumichika was his anchor. The only one who'd given a damn about Hisagi Shuuhei, as opposed to others being only concerned about the 9th division's vice-captain.

And it felt damn good.

"Why?" Yumichika asked softly after some time, his fingers never stopping their movements in the other's hair. "You can more than hold your own."

"It's not so much taking damage as it's inflicting it," Shuuhei corrected as his eyes stared at the other's hand clutched in his. Yumichika had beautiful hands. Calloused, from decades of holding a Zanpakuto, but still soft. "'M scared of ever enjoying it…" he added after a few minutes, feeling like talking about it, precisely because the only one who'd known so far was Tousen, and damn it, but he didn't want that to remain the case now.

But part of him wondered what he hoped to accomplish by sharing this with the other Shinigami. Yumichika was from the battle loving 11th division. He wouldn't understand him like Tousen had, as much as he loathed remembering it.

Hell, he even wondered why Yumichika was there, in the first place! He'd been defeated by him, completely. He hadn't even had the time to release Kazeshini. By all means, after beating him, the 11th's fifth seat shouldn't have cared about him at all, shouldn't have spared him a second glance.

And yet there he was. In his office. Nearly every two days, chatting about this or that, and now he was holding him as he cried in his lap! Just how did this whole deal make any sense?

"Why?" he finally asked after another moment of silence, his eyes still glued to their entwined hands. His thumb had started to stroke the other's skin, but he couldn't remember when. "Why do you care?"

Yumichika sighed softly, and if he'd looked up at him, he'd have seen him smile gently. "I just never had anyone to talk to before, about my secret. I suppose I just figured it felt nice, and that you might need it too," he responded honestly.

"Tousen knew," Shuuhei told him then, not knowing why but feeling compelled to. He felt the other tense and he pulled back – regretfully – to look at him. Yumichika looked…disappointed. "But you were right; I needed to talk to someone else," he quickly added, giving his hand a light squeeze.

Yumichika pouted at that, but didn't pull back. "Normally I don't stand for being someone's second-best…but I suppose this time it'll do…" he conceded. "Besides, you drooling all over my lap like you did, I guess it makes us intimate! No complaints there!"

"I didn't drool," Shuuhei protested good-naturedly, finding himself returning the other's smile as he wiped his chin just in case. And even though some time ago he'd been crying, he just couldn't stop that smile from settling on his face when Yumichika was looking at him like that.

The fifth seat actually blushed under his gaze this time, and looked to the side with a sigh. "Honestly, at first I thought you spent too much time in your office. I thought…you spent too much time repressing it," he started unexpectedly. "So I thought I'd distract you. Get you away from this room. Needless to say, when you became accustomed to my presence, it became a big hindrance to my plans!" he accused as he poked his forehead.

Shuuhei chuckled and grabbed his hand in his, his smile still in place. "I suppose this is the part where I apologize for ruining your plans?" he asked teasingly.

Yumichika shrugged and shook his head. "Not really…actually, you getting used to having me around made me even happier…" he admitted with a fond smile.

Shuuhei's smile widened to a grin at this, and he raised a hand to stroke the other's cheek. "Well, since we're bein' honest and all…I gotta admit that if your plan was to distract me…it was a complete success," he assured him, completely forgetting how miserable he must've looked, with his puffy eyes and messy hair.

But according to Yumi's soft laughter as he leaned forward to rest his forehead against his, it looked like he was just fine.

The eleventh time his office was invaded, Shuuhei actually pulled Yumi in instead and greeted him with a kiss.

And he kept a lot more than just the right corner of his desk file-free from then on.

End

The first time I read their battle, the title and the summary just popped into my head, and since then, every time I see them it's all I can think of. Then I grin at my screen, and make weird noises akin to giggles, and I look around to make sure no one heard me.

Now I write about it in hopes of making someone else do the weird-giggling. Ha! Let me know if that worked, ya?