A/N: Okay, so this is kind of my way of saying "thanks" to those of you that voted for Adorable Psycho in the Second Annual Awesome Awards. There are a couple of shout outs herein. One of them more obvious than the other, I think. At least for me, and hopefully for the call-out-ees, haha. Although, one of them may not even read my stories, I'm not sure. Hmm… Its worth pondering, I guess. Anyway, I also want to say thank you for everyone that voted for me, and everyone that voted in general in the awards. We authors don't get a lot back from the time and effort we put into these stories. We are paid mostly in reviews, so when some like the Awesomes comes along, it's nice to get some credit for those that deserve it… like Frea O'Scanlin ;-)
Also, thank you to Frea, Crystal(dot)Elements, IAmNotAmused, and MXPW for their work in putting together the awards presentation. You guys seriously rock. And congrats to all the winners in the 2010 Awesomes. You guys rock, too. M'kay, I'll quit going on now. I hope you enjoy the story, and thanks once again for all your support!
"The fuck is this?" Casey boomed, waving a sheet of paper about.
Chuck looked up from the report he was working on. "I don't know, Casey, what with you waving it all about and not showing it to me," he quipped.
"This, moron," Casey growled, slamming the pamphlet on the table, on top of Chuck's report. "I found this in Walker's locker."
"You go through Sarah's locker?" Chuck asked.
"Protocol, Bartowski," Casey said dismissively. "Back when she was normal, or as normal as she ever was, it wasn't necessary."
"Sarah's normal," Chuck defended.
"Yeah, what's her 'normal' death count up to this month?"
Chuck looked away sheepishly and quickly read through Casey's pamphlet. "Yeah, yeah, I know about this," he said as realization dawned on him. "The big intelligence community awards banquet. Sarah told me about this. She was pretty excited."
"I'll bet she was," Casey muttered.
"What? She has reason to be excited. It's a rather large honor just to be nominated for one of these awards," Chuck pointed out. "I mean, you were all giddy about winning one last year, were you not?"
"I don't get giddy," Casey said, affronted. He straightened his posture and continued. "And I won one for being one of only five people in the world that can make a—"
"Yeah, I know. The one-mile shot. You deserved it. Now, Sarah's getting her well deserved recognition," Chuck said, cutting Casey off.
Casey sighed. "What's she up for?"
"Outstanding service in the field by a female operative," Chuck said.
"Shit."
"What?" Chuck asked.
"That's the top honor extended to any female agent," Casey answered.
"Yeah, I know," Chuck said. "And Sarah's totally deserving of the honor, I think."
"You have any idea how stiff the competition is for that award?" Casey asked.
"Well, it's the top honor extended, like you said. I'm sure she'll be up against some first-rate spies, but she's Sarah. You've even said she's the best partner you've ever had."
"She is," Casey said. "Doesn't change the fact that she's fucking insane."
"Sarah's not that bad, Casey," Chuck said.
"She blew up a house last week because the sprinkler system on the front lawn came on while she was walking past, soaking her pants and messing up the lock of your hair she kept in her pocket," Casey said. "What part of that isn't insane?"
Chuck contemplated that for a moment, and honestly, he couldn't come up with any logical defense of his girlfriend. "Okay, Sarah can be a bit rash, but I hardly see how this relates to the awards banquet."
"She's nominated for the top honor given to any female spy," Casey said again.
"And…"
"And while I think she's a great partner, albeit a batshit crazy partner, it's highly possible, maybe even likely that she won't win."
"But it's an honor just to be considered," Chuck said.
"Christ, am I the only one that sees the Gravelings circling on this one?"
"Gravelings?" Chuck asked.
"Yeah, the little critters that always surround horrible deaths," Casey said.
"Dead Like Me?" Chuck asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise at Casey's pop culture reference.
"What? It's a show about dumb asses biting it in stupendously moronic ways. What about that doesn't sound like it would appeal to me?" Casey asked in response.
"Fair enough," Chuck admitted. "But I still don't think Sarah will be that upset if she doesn't win. She'll just be honored to be invited at all."
Casey snorted back a laugh. "You poor dumb bastard. You still think you can attribute normal, human reactions to your psycho girlfriend."
"Sarah is a human!" Chuck exclaimed.
"Yeah, all right. Whatever. So when some cute young thing wins the award over Walker, and she is giving her speech about how her competitors 'deserve the award so much more', and she looks right at Walker, and by happenstance looks at you, and Walker, already pissed off about losing decides that she was making eyes at you—"
"Holy shit!" Chuck shouted, finally catching on to Casey's line of logic. "We have to stop these awards."
In thanks for your support, Wepdiggy presents:
Adorable Psycho and the Nomination
-An AP Production-
"Tell Jill Roberts that if she knows what is good for her, she best go run and hiiiii-eede," Sarah sang, way out of key. "Mama's got a new .45. And I won't think twice to stick that barrel straight down puta's throat. Believe me when I say that I got something for her punk ass!"
Chuck groaned as he fell back on the bed in their hotel room. At the time, convincing Sarah that she needed to learn more about music had seemed like such a good idea. He never imagined it would just give her another way to express her horribly morbid and homicidal thoughts about other women.
But that wasn't the main source of Chuck's frustration. Not that day, at least. He was more worried that Beckman had denied his and Casey's request to shut down the awards ceremony.
The General said she understood their argument, and even agreed with them on some level, but that halting the event would throw up red flags as to Sarah's "situation", and that wouldn't be good for anyone. Not Chuck, not Sarah, and especially concerning to Beckman, not Team Intersect.
So they were stuck. There was no getting out of the banquet. And try as he might, Chuck hadn't been able to talk Sarah into skipping the dinner. He even offered her all the sex she could handle for an entire weekend, if she would just stay in Burbank with him. How that plan failed, Chuck wasn't sure. Except that Sarah had still gotten all the sex she wanted, and she got to go to the awards ceremony.
Chuck realized he was becoming a bit of a soft touch, but when Sarah was on top of her game, and when she hadn't violated their contract, he just didn't know how to say no to her. Not even in an airplane lavatory. Five times on the flight. And once they arrived in D.C., once in the cab on the way to the hotel, and countless times in the hotel itself.
Chuck was sore. And tired. And upset that he'd probably have to watch his girlfriend turn into the dangerous killing machine that she occasionally channeled. Okay, more than occasionally. Frequently, actually.
"You almost ready?" Chuck called. His voice was a little muffled by the arm he had thrown across his face. And he knew his tux was probably getting wrinkled lying down on the bed as he was. But he was going to make one last effort to keep Sarah in, so maybe the wrinkles wouldn't matter.
"I am," Sarah said cheerfully, stepping out of the bathroom.
"Wow," Chuck said. "You look amazing."
He wasn't lying. She really did look fantastic, as only Sarah Walker could. Of course, he knew she could make any outfit look gorgeous, but when she got all dolled up for an event, it took it to a whole other level. A level beyond words. And the swanky blue dress she wore that night could get a dead man aroused. For a moment, Chuck didn't care that she killed hundreds of people every year. That her tendencies bordered on, or went way over the line of crazy. In that moment, he just felt like the luckiest guy in the world.
"Thank you," Sarah beamed. She crossed the room to Chuck, pulled him to his feet, wrapped her arms around him and kissed his lips before pulling back and smiling at him.
"So, this is totally selfish of me," Chuck said, beginning his pitch. "But the thing is, I don't want to share you with anyone looking like that. How's about we stay in tonight. We can order take out, and do things to each other you only read about in trashy romance novels."
That kind of line wasn't really Chuck's forte. In fact, he hated using lines on Sarah in general. But he knew how she enjoyed him occasionally being the aggressor in their relationship, and he was doing his best.
"Nope," Sarah said. "Sorry, Chuck. I mean, I want to. I really do. But this is a big deal for me, so we have to go. But believe me, once I win my award, we can come back here, and you can claim my body as your own over and over again. In fact, I insist you do just that. Winning makes me horny, after all."
"What doesn't make you horny?" Chuck grumbled.
"A fair point," Sarah admitted. "Now, time to go."
Sarah grabbed Chuck's hand and pulled him forcibly to the door. It was then that Chuck knew he'd been defeated. There was no stopping the ceremony. There was no keeping Sarah away. Someone was probably going to die that night.
"You know, Mrs. Turner is up for the same award as you," Chuck said.
He'd been trying ever since they left the hotel to prime Sarah for the possibility that she might not win. So far, his efforts were in vain. Sarah was still convinced that there was no chance she could lose.
"Yeah, I know," Sarah said dismissively. "But she's all old and stuff. And only the final month of her career counts towards this year's awards. And plus, she's getting the lifetime achievement award, so they probably won't give her outstanding service, too."
"Do you know either of the other two candidates?" Chuck asked. He was looking for something, anything to get Sarah to see that there was a chance someone else would take home the honor.
"Annie is brand new," Sarah said. "She got kind of a late start, as a spy. And a rookie never takes home the crown. Even a very talented, very attractive rookie."
"You know what she looks like?" Chuck asked.
"I'm a spy, Chuck," Sarah said. "It's my job to know as much as I can about my competition."
"Fair enough," Chuck said. "What about the other girl?"
"Ashley O'Brien," Sarah said through clinched teeth. "I met her, once. Years ago. She was me."
"She was you?" Chuck asked, confused.
"Well, not me, but me," Sarah answered. She breathed a sigh of frustration. "What I'm trying to say is, when I first started with the agency, I was Graham's golden child."
"Right, you've told me how he recruited you."
"Well, before me, there was her. She was 'Graham's Girl'," Sarah said.
"So he chose you in the end, so that means you're better, right?" Chuck asked.
"Not exactly," Sarah said, suddenly unable to look at Chuck. "When they were doing my psyche profile, before they put me in the field, they decided I had certain deficiencies," Sarah said, the last word sounding as if it tasted awful on her tongue. "They said I got too emotionally involved. That I showed signs of potentially breaking down one day."
"How could they ever think that?" Chuck said sarcastically, under his breath.
"What was that?" Sarah barked.
"Oh, nothing," Chuck answered. "You were saying?"
"Anyway, after that came back on my evaluation, Ashley started getting all the good assignments again. Graham took her back under his wing, and never let her go, right up until the end."
"But you got the Intersect assignment," Chuck pointed out.
"True, but I'm sure that Ashley could've done a better job," Sarah said bitterly.
"Come'ere," Chuck said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "No one is better than you."
"You mean in bed?" Sarah asked, perking up.
"I, um, that's not really what I was talking about," Chuck said nervously.
"So you're saying you've had better sex than me?" Sarah asked, irritation growing in her voice.
"No! You're fantastic in that way, too. You're fantastic in every way."
"Then say it!" Sarah demanded.
"Say what?" Chuck asked, confused.
"Say I'm the best lay you've ever had!"
"You're the best lay I've ever had?"
"Louder!" Sarah said. "I want the world to know how great our sex is."
"You're the best lay I've ever had," Chuck said, a little louder this time.
"Not loud enough, Chuck. I want people three blocks away to hear how I rock your world."
"Sarah Walker, sex with you is like an other-worldly experience!" Chuck shouted.
Sarah smiled to herself, even as all the people around them were looking on in horror. "That's what I thought you said," she said smugly. "Now let's find out seats."
"And the 2011 winner for Most Outstanding Service in the Field by a Female Operative goes to…"
"Sarah Walker," Sarah mouthed, as she stood from her seat.
"Ashley O'Brien!" the presenter announced.
It took a moment for the words to sink in for Sarah. She ran the moment over again in her head. Then she reacted.
"You read the wrong name!" she shouted to the stage.
The room fell into silence and suddenly all eyes were on Sarah, and in turn, on her date, Chuck.
"No, I'm sorry Miss, I read the right name," the presenter said. "Ashley O'Brien is our winner."
Chuck turned to his right. "Casey, if you have a Kanye West moment in you, now's the time."
"Too late for that, Bartowski," Casey said, pointing at the third member of Team Intersect, who looked as though she was about to explode with rage.
Chuck managed to pull Sarah back into her seat, as Ashley O'Brien walked up onto the stage to receive her award.
"Wow, I don't even know what to say," Ashley said into the microphone.
"I'd say you're a bitch, and that plaque should be mine," Sarah mumbled. Chuck tried to shush her. He knew it was of no use.
"I mean, Laura Turner is a legend, and this award could've easily have gone to her. And Annie Walker is probably the most impressive rookie I've ever seen in our field. And Sarah Walker. I mean, what can you say about her?"
"You could say I'm prettier, and better at my job," Sarah grumbled.
"It's just such an honor to even be nominated. I never thought I'd actually win."
"Neither did I," Sarah said. Her words were growing louder with every sentence she uttered.
"And Sarah," Ashley was looking straight at Sarah now. "You and I share a special bond. We both knew Director Langston Graham better than anyone. And the fact that we were both nominated for this award, and that one of us won it. Well, I'm sure wherever he is, he's smiling tonight."
It wasn't that Ashley was rubbing the win in Sarah's face. It wasn't that she was kind of touting that it was her, not Sarah, that was Graham's favorite in the end. It wasn't even losing that set Sarah off. It was the fact that Sarah just knew Ashley was eyeing Chuck. Never mind that Ashley had a nerdy husband of her own. Never mind the fact that Ashley didn't even know Chuck. Sarah decided right then and there that, although Ashley O'Brien had beat her out for the award Sarah so coveted, Sarah was not going to let that skank take her man.
"Agent Walker! Do you have any idea how much it's going to cost to get the blood and brain-matter out of the carpet in the vault?" Beckman boomed.
"I'm really sorry, ma'am."
"No you're not!"
"No I'm not," Sarah admitted, trying to fight down the smile that was threatening to form on her face.
"This is not funny, Sarah! I put up with your antics back in Burbank, because you're such a vital part of a vital operation. But this isn't Burbank. This is Washington, and I can't exactly hide the death of one of our top operatives from the Senate Intelligence Committee."
"Then tell them the truth," Sarah answered.
"What's the truth, Agent Walker? That another of my top agents is a crazy bitch, that kills at random?" Beckman asked.
"I don't kill randomly, General Beckman." Sarah didn't even try to hide the threat in her tone. And for the first time, maybe ever, Diane Beckman was intimidated my a subordinate. "But just tell them the truth. That she had the gall to have brown hair, and look at my boyfriend."
"I don't care about—"
Beckman's rant was cut off by a beeping noise. Sarah pulled her phone from her Marc Jacobs tote.
"Oh, look at that. It's been four hours since I got plowed, and Chuck's back at the hotel waiting for me. While I'd really like to continue this conversation, I have places to go, and nerds to do."
Before Beckman could respond, Sarah was out the door in a flash.
"Did you ever get a price on getting her spayed?" Beckman asked, turning to Casey, the only other person left in the room.
A/N: And that's how Wep says thanks! Heh, I hope you enjoyed it, and I can't wait to read your feedback. You guys are awesome. Peace.