don't pretend you love me...
-x-
1. ...cause I won't fall for it
::amber eyes and haughty stares and oh-so-fucked up lies::
It's all an endless free fall into an almost tangible doom - a path you've taken so many times you have it memorized.
-x-
(it starts with a cute boy, innocent glances, and hidden motivations)
l a k e . p l a c i d
Relationships are always this way, you tell yourself idly as you watch the three silhouettes, so black against the colorful sunset. Bumpy, flawed, cracked - and yet, somehow, love glues them together, and softens the landing on the free fall, forming trust and perfection and honesty and sometimes, blindness. And, as you watch the three of them - two girls and a boy, them alone against the cool spring breeze - you decide that love isn't for you, because love makes them all weak, love makes them all cry, and that's simply not who you are. (fake pretenses that always lead to rude awakenings )
And yet when he smiles at you, with his onyx hair drawn across his face and his pale blue eyes, and his head tilted at just the right angle, and that sexy, husky 'hello', you can't help but feel that dreaded tinge in your heart. But it doesn't feel bad, you realize. So maybe, just maybe...Love isn't that bad?
-x-
(the path to hell is always so inconspicuous, and paved with fickleness)
c e n t e r . s t a g e
Relationship are built on lies, the way you see it. Cheating, deceiving husbands and lying, manipulative wives and teenagers who didn't know any better are what make up every single love story and clichés out there, all those plays which you dream one day to star in. And yet you manage to convince yourself that this is different and that he would never do that to you and all those lies that come along with falling in love - all which are torn to smithereens when you catch him and another him fumbling around center stage left in what was to be the production of your life.
And if it's breaking your heart he wanted, he's going to be waiting a while, because you didn't love him, you were simply fooled by his alluring eyes and his mysterious personality. And this is your moment, your time to shine, your spotlight, your time to cue the endless free fall and the hidden tears. Cue the haughty, hateful stares. Cue a wall of ice, frozen over an amber fire. Cue Massie Block, who didn't die from love.
(she won't ever be the same)
-x-
2. ...cause I'll be lying too
::desperate motives and calculating stares and poppy-red lips::
You've always wanted to be loved, to be worshiped, to be admired. But there comes a time where you simply can't pretend anymore.
-x-
(it doesn't start until you say so, and yet it always does anyway)
t h e . s o c i a l . l a d d e r
You never meant to lie. It just sort of came out when you didn't know what else to do. At first, it was only little white lies - which, if well placed and formulated carefully, eventually brought you so close to the top you could almost feel victory - lies that didn't harm anybody. And then, when you were almost there, so close, she flew from absolutely nowhere and stole the spotlight that should have been rightfully yours - and that's when the lies grew, and grew, and grew, until you found yourself drowning in them, breathing in them, living from them.
No, you never meant to lie in the beginning. But it was so rewarding, was so easy, was so inconspicuous that it eventually became your trademark. You lied your way into Massie's good books, into all of your friends' hearts, into a relationship - and you didn't regret it. You won't ever regret it.
-x-
(they say it's better to put out the fire than to jump out of the window)
h i s . b e d r o o m
Eventually, you realize that there is one thing lies cannot bring you, no matter how hard you try - love. As his lips find yours with a crushing force, you can only imagine fireworks and butterflies erupting in your stomach and fluttering through your veins - because it's not there. Sure, as he firmly grasps your waist, you feel wanted, needed, but it's for all the wrong reasons - and where all the right reasons would be, there's only a tower of lies, impassable and indestructible.
But you're Alicia Rivera - and if he can lie to you and pretend that he loves you without any guilt, than so can you.
(it's only when it's dark outside and everybody's asleep that the longing comes back to haunt her)
-x-
3. ...cause you'll break my heart
::innocent trust and pale skin and unparalleled imagination::
Love is something you don't really think about, because good things come to those who wait and love is definitely worth waiting for - at least, for now.
-x-
(why do pure thoughts always come hand in hand with naivety?)
h i s . b a c k p a c k
The sticky, sweet gummies that are lying at the bottom his his dark, black bag remind you so much of someone else's treats for you, once upon a time.
He'd shown you the pictures from Camp White Pine - the one where he and Cam went together, the one where they both met Nikki. And at first, you thought that that crazybitchsankhostalker girl had set her sights yet again on your man - albeit, not the same one as last time, but still. Seriously? It had started when he started hiding his phone from you, and occasionally ignoring your calls, claiming he was 'busy'. Eventually, you were sure he was cheating.
But as you look down at the gummies and the little ILY scribbled on the side of the bag, you realize you got the wrong person - or the wrong camper.
-x-
(sometimes lies and truth form honesty. And sometimes they don't.)
w h e r e . t h e . t r u t h . i s
It's always been this way. From a simple "I love you" to a massive knot of complications where nothing is true anymore, and the only way to survive is to pretend, to lie. But you're Claire Lyons, and lying doesn't become you. And yet you pretend, you pretend that you don't know and that everything is fine, that you love him and that he loves you. And eventually, that armor, that mask of lies that surrounds you finds you on your wedding night, with a tear-stained face and a one-way ticket to no-where, a ruined white dress and wet, pale skin.
Because when it comes down to the end, you're not like the other girls, the ones who can come out stronger and fiercer than ever and who can truly move on. You're Claire Lyons, the girl who clutches to what isn't there and tries to fit puzzle pieces into spaces where they don't belong - the girl who never stopped dreaming about what love should be like.
yes. I realize this made no sense whatsoever -_-' but nonetheless...maybe you'll review? =)
-Anne-Lise