Disclaimer: No, I am not JK Rowling and I do not own the Harry Potter series or any of its characters. Now excuse me while I go cry in a corner and feel bad for myself.

Dear dad,

I'm sorry to tell you this, but I've been expelled from Hogwarts. See, Fred and James dared me to open the Chamber of Secrets (it was quite difficult, actually. I can't speak Parseltongue so I kept making hissed, strangling noises until it opened) and pretend that I'm the Heir of Slytherin. Professor McGonagall caught me, and apparently she doesn't understand my sense of humor. She expelled me as soon as she found out, and some Ministry people came to the school this morning to snap my wand in half. Fred and James got away with it, curse them.

I was extremely devastated at first, but Scorpius Malfoy told me that we don't need magic as long as we have each other. And yes, you read it right, Scorpius Malfoy. I know you and his dad didn't get along very well when you went to Hogwarts, but Scor is nothing like him. He's really sweet and he dropped out of Hogwarts so he could be with me. Unfortunately, his parents didn't like the idea very much and disinherited him. I thought he'd be very upset about it, but he's taking it rather well. The only drawback is that we now have no place to live.

Lucky for us, Hagrid was very nice about it and he's currently building a small little hut deep into the Forbidden Forest, where hopefully no one but him can find us. He said it'd take quite sometime to build, so Scor is using the gold left in his Gringott's vault for us to take a vacation in this really cool place in Muggle America called Las Vegas. We're going to elope there so we can be together forever.

Don't worry though, we'll be living a very happy life. Scor's going to be trading and selling illegal magical artifacts, so we'll have some money to be able to provide for the twins once they're born.

Speaking of which, I think I forgot to mention this in the last letter I sent you. I'm pregnant! Isn't it wonderful? I have been for five months now! They're twin boys and I'm so excited about it! The boys and Scor means the world to me. I expect you and mum are just as excited as I am - haven't you always wanted grandchildren?

Other than this, nothing major has really happened here. And don't worry - Al is living up to the sex god reputation that you had when you were his age. I bet you're so proud of him. I'd want to say the same for James, but he's a lost cause. He's a scrawny little git and he hasn't even snogged a girl yet. He's pitiful.

Love always,

Your Lily-Flower.

PS: Nothing I said above is true. I still go to Hogwarts, my wand is in one piece, I don't even have the slightest idea where the Chamber of Secrets is, and I'm not pregnant. This was just to remind you that things could be worse than my OWL results, which I expect Professor McGonagall will be sending you shortly. Oh, and I'd never date Malfoy, he's such a git. I'm sure Rosie will disagree with me though ;D The only thing that's really true about this letter is Al and his sex godliness. He's shagged about twenty different girls this past semester, and he's broken all of their hearts the next day. Merlin, he is such a pig. It's enough to make me barf.

PPS: Owl me back telling me if Al and I can come home without mum exploding. Of course I'm innocent and carefree, but I doubt she'll take this letter too well. And I know she's going to be peeved at Al. If the house is still a war zone by the time the holidays come around, the two of us will be at Shell Cottage. Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur already said it was okay, and they already have the two spare rooms prepared for us. Just don't let her take her anger out on you and Jamesie. I wouldn't want you two to be on the receiving end of her Bat-Bogey hex.

Harry read the letter in disbelief, his heart pounding. "I swear, this girl will be the death of me," he muttered.

"Harry, dear, what is it?" He spun around to see Ginny enter his study. "Is that a letter from Lily?"

He nodded slowly and gave it to her. The redhead spent the next few minutes going over what her daughter had just written, her eyes beginning to glare at the parchment. She mouthed the words "sex god" and her glare was now aimed at her husband.

"I AM GOING TO KILL THE THREE OF YOU!"

Utter rubbish, I know, but the idea popped into my mind yesterday and I just had to write it xD The ending is crap, but whatever. Hope you enjoyed it at least a bit (:

Reviews would be nice. ;D